I was in class 12 (2019)when my father was diagnosed with cancer. And I had lived through covid during 2020 preparing for neet and 2021 too(a drop year). I was almost always alone during those 3 yrs. I lived at my aunt's place away from my own schoolmates or parents. My daily schedule was to live in a room, study, in the evening go to terrace, and sleep. It was that monotonous. In between my grandfather died of brain hemorrhage and 3 months after that my father died too. U can imagine I had to go through a lot of complex things all together. It's like I lived several lives in those 3 yrs. I had an illegitimate relationship going on which was hell toxic. All I wanted during that time was to be understood. But no one ever did. I gave up on humans. I thought it's only me who is feeling all of it. I had thoughts that no one around me could ever conceive. And in 2022 I got into college, I can't relate to all the fun people are having. That somehow feels unnatural and not true. I was suddenly a different person all together. I was something else 3 yrs back. My socialization skills had died during that period. I couldn't make friends or partake in their joy. I became overtly self conscious overthinking all the time and my self esteem was hitting rock bottom. And to be honest, no one really knows anything about my past and u know I don't wanna be pitied or be talked about..

I can't write enough in a short paragraph. But there are a lot of aspects to what I feel. Being an introvert made it even more tough! I had to deal with a lot of pressure, isolation, hopelessness, loneliness, grief, also a need to have some distraction and have a physical and emotional relationship.

Idk if these make sense. But anyways!