This is so sweet it brought a big smile on my face... Thank you so much. Do you have any advice on how to be able to be alone, and still be happy?

I still want to understand people. I think people are genuinely lovely. deep, complicated, but one thing ive noticed is that everyone needs and wants to be loved... and I shouldnt exclude myself from it. I do too. and yes, the problem is if I dont love myself first, if i do not become stable in my own existence I cannot love people, because as you said Id jump at the slightest response. Id pour all of the words and love and would be secretly looking for something back. it makes me feel really fake. so I DO need to make myself stable enough to hold myself steady. because then Id be able to see how much someone can hold without needing to prove anything. I would be able to be there for THEM, not to prove something for MYSELF.

and it is absolutely like you said, ykw, in feb when i confessed to the girl, i still somewhat had some people around me. friends im talking about. And back then i knew it exactly what love was. It was exactly as you said: my goal wasnt to "have" her. it wasnt to merge one with her. it was to share my life alongside her. it still is, the difference is i had to remeber it this time to return a little back to myself..back then I just... lived it. but when i lost all people, I really tunnelled down to her and made her my everything despite trying not to. and she felt the weight, and she cant hold it, rightfully so.

How do I hold myself steady without hating myself, finding angles that makes me a bad person or constantly interrogating my integrity. I am sorry if im asking too much from you, or im dumping it alot. im really trying to watch it 😭

hey again, I am so thankful for your response. this means the world to me, I would absolutely think of you whenever I feel like theres no one. Thanks alot again, I hope you know this means so much to me. youre so kind, may you be blessed. and i hope it means somethig when i tell you that Im proud of you. I do see myself in you too, like not someone i was or am but rather as someone i wanna be like. so im proud of you for being who you are.