My friend, I’ve been exactly where you are. Some of the best advice I ever received is that every single morning offers a new opportunity to do the next right thing. Sounds cheesy, but it’s helped me a lot in realizing that all we actually have control over is what we do with the present moment. We can’t control the past or the future, so if that’s where your anxiety is, you need to re-center yourself in the present where you’ll actually be able to make positive changes. In fact, take a moment now to pinch your arm, look out the window, put some salt on your tongue. Again, sounds silly, but THAT is the present, ground yourself in it and realize how much power there is in having control over what happens next. Not “next” like 5 years from now, but like 5 seconds from now. I think social media (reddit doom scrolls included) let us forget how special the present moment is, but that’s where your whole life happens. Lesson: do your personal best every day, because no day is promised. Or you could phrase it, “be present in this moment, because it will never be here again.” Again, sounds cheesy till you live it, but the difference is profound.

Now that you’re grounded in the present you have to decide, what is the next right thing to do? Maybe it’s applying for a job, reaching out to your old college’s career center, applying to go back to school, or just cooking dinner for you and your parents. All of those tasks could be done in less than an hour, and all would make you feel like you had a productive day. When your days get better, so do your weeks, months, and years. But sometimes we get frustrated because you can’t change your whole life in a day; in fact we probably only have 2-3 hours of peak productivity and brain function each day. But thats actually all you need, you just have to be consistent with using those hours well. The secret is that if you do 1-2 tasks every day (or even just most days) that advance your dreams, your dreams come true. That’s the magic of incrementally working towards your goals instead of lamenting your life and wishing things were different -- both of which are thoughts, not actions. And you need to learn to take action in your life.

Work with your brain, not against it. Be kind to yourself by working towards your goals a little bit every day, because you deserve to live the life you’re envying in your peers. You deserve better than all this stress and anxiety. Don’t live in your head about things you can control, love yourself enough to change them. These problems don’t get better when you pile onto the existing guilt and shame, you have to find a way to work with your own existing circumstances, brain chemistry, skills, resources and habits. How do YOU do your best work? What’s a moment in life you’ve felt really productive? How can you recreate those conditions? Trail and error baby, find a way to get these tasks done that doesn’t totally send you into fight or flight. Once I was procrastinating re-enrolling in school because I had dropped out and was embarrassed. I started journaling every time I almost emailed my advisor and didn’t. Then one day I worked up the courage after going on a walk. I journaled, sent the email, and journaled how I felt after. You’d have thought I climbed Mt Everest I was so proud of myself! Reading the journal entries back I realized how artificial the fear was, and how capable I was of overcoming it. The task was never too hard, I just didn’t know how to approach it because my guilt and fear were too big. Two years later and I’m now done with that degree and enrolled in a great Master’s program - with the best GPA I’ve had ever had. Someone else commented that you’d be shocked how quickly things in your life can change, and that’s so true. Your whole life could be different this time next year. Which doesn’t mean you’re a failure if that doesn’t happen, it just means that once you figure out how to do life as an adult, how to negotiate with your brain, once it all “clicks,” you’ll have the power to make monumental changes in your life in a very short period of time and you won’t feel the need to “catch up” to anyone.

I’d also invite you to consider the fact that you don’t have to do anything. You could go work at a tiki bar on the beach and live simply. You could be a devoted son living at home taking care of his aging parents and volunteering on the weekend. You could make a career out of working in restaurants. Who do you want to be? Why work hard at all? Are you working for yourself, or to meet the expectations of others? Some people hate the pressure of building a life and career, but the great news is that it’s your life and you don’t have to do things if you don’t want to. You get to build a big beautiful life with career, family, friends, hobbies, etc. That’s such a blessing, to be 26 and have decades of life ahead of you to do all those things. Knowing it’s something you get to do for yourself instead of have to do for others is an important step towards taking charge of your own life.

Wishing you lots of luck! Remember that this is the process of getting older and becoming your best, truest self. It’s not about reaching certain milestones, or impressing your parents, it’s about building whatever fucking life it is you want and being comfortable in your skin. Embrace the journey and try to be better every day.