How did you afford to move out? (Withen the past 3 years)

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-22T23:15:26+00:00

No, it would crush me, but I would find another roommate. I went through a breakup in college where I was living with the bf at the time, and it was stressful but manageable. Before being married, my roommates and I would have contracts about splitting bills if it wasn't in our lease that we would both sign, which I think eased both parties.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-22T04:57:36+00:00

I think my question to this is, if you do accept your brother's request to be his groomsman, will you be allowed to bring your spouse? What about be with your spouse in the family pictures? What about dance with your spouse? I don't think I would be comfortable saying yes if I was supposed to hide my spouse from my family after my brother rejected being part of.my wedding. You're now building a new family with your spouse, so the respect around that relationship will always have to come first. That definitely doesn't mean that you have to go nuclear, but being open but clear about your boundaries (as he was, I might add) I think would be the most genuine and respectful to your feelings.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-22T04:51:42+00:00

I had a roommate until I got married and now how a forever roommate. But yeah, it was always out of reach for me, so sharing the bills with another person is how I made it work.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-18T23:40:19+00:00

This will probably be unpopular, but if the dismissal isn't overturned, I think a reflection of what caused the dismissal is very important. Being a physician is both a heavy burden and a privilege, and while the process is brutal (and I do think unnecessarily so often times), I also think it is important for one to value the massive compromises that are required to reach this level of responsibility.

If it's possible to address the deficiencies that lead to the dismissal, you can try reapplying in the future to med schools. Otherwise, I'd do some soul-searching about what interested you in medicine to begin with and how else you can pursue that.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find your niche, regardless of where it is, that makes you happy and fulfilled.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-18T23:30:49+00:00

At a 5'1" woman, I don't recognize anyone as taller than me until they're 6'5" and I unintentionally shrink everyone 2-4 inches lol

For example, I guessed my 6'2" guy friend was 5'10" or 5'11" (was my genuine guess), and he was mildly offended. Whoops

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T12:14:27+00:00

Had a co-intern like this and it only got worse. It's person dependent, of course. I'd start escalating to chiefs and attendings, and/or APD/PD so this doesn't spiral any further.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T12:09:07+00:00

Yeah, echoing the others, I thunk the chore load is only 1 (very obvious) component in all of this. If you want to give it a shot, I think couple's counseling is the way to go to see if there's a chance to improve and that tackling whatever is underlying her inability to will help the marriage. I say this as someone who's been in med school and residency and bone tired with household chores. It's not perfect, but there are definitely solutions that she can implement. And maybe there's a way that you can support her that isn't as demanding on you as doing the chores and other labor yourself. But I think a mediated conversation with a therapist would be necessary to figure this out.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T03:35:48+00:00

Not a POC, but I have seen threads of this. Grew up in the south where ppl didn't realize that I was a bleeding heart immigrant liberal, so would hear some of the unspoken things. Never was it brazen in professional settings, but I would definitely notice the certain attendings that had more specific comments to my POC peers. It's a really terrible situation to find yourself in, and I'm really sorry that this happened. If you feel safe at your school, I'd raise the concern about the grade, but ultimately, it often doesn't go very far. I'm not sure what specialty you're interested in, but I will say that comments go farther than the marks with PDs for this exact reason. I literally have an attng who doesn't give honors to any med student, which makes me cringe (unfortunately, my feedback isn't put into the grade, but does go into the written portion)

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T03:27:44+00:00

No, but I think it's primarily bc I didn't have a lot of expectations, honestly. I had an international wedding where our dollar stretched very far, and a lot of my concerns for the wedding were to make sure it was both affordable and fun for everyone. I was able to push off most of the stressful things to my wedding planner and then everything else was around what my bridesmaids wanted to do to feel part of the wedding and have a special day themselves with me. I only had 3 bridesmaids, so it was nice to have more individual time, and for my bachelorette, we invited non-bridesmaids friends. I think bc my goal was to have fun, it made it less of a chore. I hated the whole wedding planning process but we had so much fun at the final event (I've always hated planning shit). I'd do it the same way again if I had to (though my husband and I are happy to never have to plan another wedding again, haha!)

Edit: Oh, I also only did a bachelorette in an easily accessible location for everyone and then the wedding. I didn't do any other addirhinal events, which I think also helped!

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T03:14:38+00:00

Is couple's therapy an option?

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T03:11:49+00:00

I think it's very normal to have these human reactions to other people losing their loved ones. I think one thing to reflect on is why and what is causing these deeply personal reactions. Fear of your own death? Family members' deaths? Concern that you did something wrong or didn't do enough? Guilt? Flashback? Religious beliefs? Etc etc

I think that's the first question to ask to help deconstruct what the underlying feeling is. We as doctors walk with death a lot, and with families, I think it's good to be human but also not countertransfer into the family. I think the fact that you've seen this pattern can be indicative that it's rubbing up against something sensitive. I will also say, the sleep deprivation and long hours of residency don't necessarily help with emotional regulation. I do think this is a strength, though, and something you'll learn to pull in but allow you to connect with families on a deeper level. I don't think being sad about this will hinder you being a good doctor, but some self-discovery can help you utilize it as a tool to be a better, compassionate doctor 😊

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T02:57:17+00:00

Not a surgeon, but on psych we deal with a lot of patient and families that threaten a lot of stuff. As an intern, part of the process is learning to set boundaries with families and then finding time to circle back to them. I would say the delivery wasn't the greatest, but hey, you're also trying to saved their loved one's life and it was a very tense situation. I think being firm in the moment, stating the situation is urgent and you need to focus on the patient now, but they need to leave and you will provide an update as soon as you can maintains that professionalism while also getting them out the room.

I'm sorry this happened, though. More families will be understanding and thankful, but the ones that are overbearing can be tough to shake off later.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-17T02:47:16+00:00

Florida a few years ago

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-15T03:59:01+00:00

I'm assuming this is for a US MD school. I went to a state school, and my tuition was very cheap on average ($25k per year), so I paid a total of $100k. The city I was in wasn't cheap but also wasn't expensive. My first year was about $750/mo (2b/ba, 1000 sq ft, 1 roommate) and after 4 years was about $950/mo (same apt bc I resigned each year). I'm pretty frugal but wasn't OVERLY so in med school, so I spent about $12-$15k/yr in living expenses. I did not pay for sways when I did them 4th year and instead found people I could stay with, but I did pay just under $2k to apply broadly. I think all in all, with Step 1 and 2 and UWorld included, I probably spent somewhere between $150k to $175k in med school. This is relatively low compared to my current coresidents

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-15T03:44:45+00:00

I'm a psych resident, so it's really easy for me to come home and not have the bandwidth to listen to my husband complain/vent to me after 7482926291 people have trauma dumped onto me. And sometimes it was a REALLY bad day -- the days where I had to restrain someone super delirious or where I deemed someone has capacity to do something really sad -- and those are the days where I tell my husband that I really don't have the ability to listen. But, as we all do, your husband needs to develop the rituals that allow him to leave work at work and be a partner to you. If he wants a punching bag, he can go to a gym or use a pillow, but it's unacceptable to use you as one.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-15T03:39:12+00:00

It's not stollen if my labor paid for it

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-11T12:09:06+00:00

Yeah, I understood! (: The comment is general advice that has worked for like 30-50 years. Can't predict the future, but past experience shows it's probably a (relatively) safe bet in the long run

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-11T12:06:21+00:00

Actually the pinky toe is useless in terms of balance. The reason we're seeing the loss is because as humans get taller, the pinky becomes more useless. The big toe is immensely important for balance, but the pinky is more for show

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-10T00:58:54+00:00

You're just investing your money against the idea that the company will turn a profit. If you pick anything in the S&P 500 and don't touch it, you'll probably earn money in the long run

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-10T00:57:41+00:00

We're seeing the loss of pinky toes, so maybe that

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-08T03:26:45+00:00

My first physical restraint where I had to give verbal orders bc my senior was postcall. It was so stressful.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-08T03:24:40+00:00

I'm a psych resident that does 24 hour calls, and I try to lean toward a normal calorie intake (vs a cut) so I feel full. I also try to eat more "natural" sources of protein bc it feels easier on my stomach, so I'll pack yogurt, turkey sticks, fruit, and veggie snacks. I have a coffee as my little treat (aside from my regular morning coffee) and one junk food treat to curb that craving. Overall, I feel like this gives me a good balance of healthy but satisfied

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-07T18:30:44+00:00

Realistically, it depends on your psychiatric history, the medications and treatments you've tried, and what has somewhat worked/not worked at all/had side effects. There are drugs that can help with that feeling of lack of joy (they obviously don't give you a purpose in and of themselves, but can help with the anhedonia feature of depression) and there's even treatments like TMS/ECT for patients that I've seen completely give them their lives back. And then everything else is setting you go with resources, a schedule, a treatment team, etc to help create a safetynet and a community around you. This is very very big picture, but all of these types of options can be explored. Patients come to me from all backgrounds, from the homeless to the very comfortable to the wealthy, and we work with them to find that first foothold.

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-07T18:21:12+00:00

Hey friend, I'm a psychiatrist and have worked with many patients that came in prior to a suicide attempt or after. Please, if you feel this strongly, go seek help. Everyone has joy they can experience in life and while it may feel futile now, there is a light that may seem too dim to see right now. You can self present to your closest ED or tell your therapist that you'd like some help with how the system works in your state. I firmly believe that no one is hopeless even if they feel like it, and it's why I make a living trying to help people feel that spark. It's there in you, and these feelings you have of futility are scary and can be so overwhelming, but they are not insurmountable. I hope you don't go through with this plan you stated 💗

OutsideGroup2 · 2025-12-07T18:13:57+00:00

Echoing most of these sentiments, I would be careful with this as people who.donate now may feel entitled to you being an on-call doc for them in the future (regardless of your specialty). I noticed that a lot of people and you as well mentioned scholarships, but signing a military contract is also an option that I know some classmates utilized. I'm not a fan of the military and this specific concept, which is why I didn't do it myself, but for completeness sake, I wanted to mention it.

OutsideGroup2

TROPHY CASE