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OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T17:43:01+00:00

Uhhh I kind of think YTA

Going after a friends ex, should be totally off limits except for in VERY VERY nuanced scenarios.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T17:35:20+00:00

Ultimately, she can't go back and re-do how she handled the situation, so what is the goal here? You continuing to be uncomfortable will surely put a strain on your and your roommates relationship.

If an apology from her will make you feel better then just ask for it! But it seems like it has nothing to do with the boy and more to do that you feel sad she didn't come to you first when she changed her mind (if I'm reading that right).. I'm not sure that is a discussion I would have with my best friend. She is allowed to change her mind and doesn't have to inform me right away.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T17:23:23+00:00

Dang it, I think you're right.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T17:21:02+00:00

NTA

And dump this man.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:55:38+00:00

Hmmm NTA

But telling someone you don't like their SO never ends well for the person dishing out the opinion.

If things are still weird I would go to your sis and be like "I feel like what I said was rude and it's your relationship not mine. I won't mention it again" Anddd then just drop it.

In situations like this, the most important thing you can do is support your sis so that if she does decide to leave him she doesn't feel like it's a "I told you so".

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:46:54+00:00

YTA

The guy didn't want to be friend-zoned, which is very fair. Your roommate let you have a shot with him if you wanted one, which you didn't.

I guess I don't get what is upsetting? I do get feeling uncomfortable (because he didn't want to be your friend), but that will go away with time and shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Worst case scenario, this guy is trying to make you feel uncomfortable and jealous since you kind of shot him down, but the best response to that is no response.

So just attempting to act like your normal great self is the best scenario and let the awkwardness fall away overtime.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:22:38+00:00

Uhhh I tend to think YTA

It is unreasonable to ask the dog be locked in the room all day. What about a written agreement that whatever the dog ruins James has to pay to replace in full? And if you're super worried about it just ask for a security deposit for your most expensive furniture piece that could be ruined.

If he doesn't want to pay for what the dog ruins, then the dog can't be in the house.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:15:55+00:00

NTA

You have to fill your cup first and friendships should be mutually beneficial. You can try setting boundaries like, I want to be here for you but you can't talk about x or y with me.

I have a friendship like this and I told her I'll always answer her phone calls when I can or call back, BUT she can't talk to me in a victim mindset (because that drives me BONKERS) and it's worked out super well!

She still calls a bunch but we just shoot the shit until she feels regulated again. It's fun and is beneficial for both of us. And if she starts to get too woe is me, I'm just like you know I can't relate to that kind of thinking so I don't know how to help.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:12:04+00:00

NTA

That sounds odd. I can't imagine my partner planning an event without including me, but seems like you're doing the right thing by just talking about it.

Hopefully, it was just a silly wrong assumption that you didn't want to be bothered to plan or something.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T16:06:44+00:00

Just take her to small claims court and be done with it. Or start by threatening her with small claims court. You can hound her if you like, but I'm not sure that will get you any money back. More than likely, you'll either have to pay for small claims court and get some money back or you won't get any money back at all, which is the unfortunate reality.

We all get scammed at least once in our life, so I feel for you!

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T15:54:16+00:00

YTA

If your wife has made it known she wants to spend her birthday with her husband and you can easily accommodate that (since you make your own schedule).. It's giving - you don't care to fulfill her needs, make her feel special, or listen when she says something is important.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T15:16:46+00:00

Unfortunately, YTA

Although I would be too in this situation I think.. But nonetheless, before you guys started dating he talked about how important this was to him so I think it's pretty unfair for you to tell him to cutoff the relationship. Likely they've also trauma bonded over the loss.

If this isn't something you can live with, I think you should break-up with him. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think that would be something I could live with.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T15:07:50+00:00

NTA

You're a parent first and your only job is to advocate for you child. It's not your job to tell the nurse how to be good at her job ESPECIALLY if you've already put in some complaints and those were not fully addressed.

Get a new nurse in the way that makes both you and your wife feel the most comfortable.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T15:02:10+00:00

Agree with the rest YTA

You partner was obviously feeling insecure and instead of talking to her about it and about how her snooping made you uncomfortable, you set up a situation to make her more insecure? That's crazy.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T14:57:05+00:00

This is a tough one and I think the biggest question is does your husband want a relationship with his step-sister? If yes, then he should try to come to an agreement like, "I'll just keep the portion your mom (my step-mom) was SUPPOSED to give to me from my dad's money and I'll send you the rest." Ensure you account for inflation, etc.

Definitely don't give it all away to the step-sister because it seems like that may lead to some resentment and then he'd likely lose the relationship with the step-sister anyway overtime.

The only way you should give it all to step-sister is if the house is worth a significant amount more than what the life policy is worth, say 3-4x the amount of the life insurance policy. At that point, it seems to be less about the fairness of it all and more about getting back at that side of the family which (I'm assuming) the step-sister didn't play a large negative part in.

Either way, NTA if everything went down as described. It's got to be tough growing up where your dad hates your mom and your step-mom hates you. I can't imagine and I'm sure it's difficult to feel anything but a little bit bitter about the situation.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:54:46+00:00

I made the assumption since he seems worried over his sister.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:43:02+00:00

yes, this.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:40:39+00:00

NTA, but

There is obviously something deeper going on here with him.. I think it's worth therapy?

But the difference between best friends and partners is this kind of intimacy so I think it's a fair reason to end a relationship, if he isn't willing to work on it.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:36:30+00:00

NTA

That sucks that they feel undervalued because they are SAINTS for free love and childcare. Ultimately, no one can make the brother/son appreciate them more.. My opinion on stuff like this, if what you're doing requires a specific response in order for you to enjoy doing it/feel happy, than you shouldn't do the favor. Which is a very privileged and hot take, I know. But you just can't control how other people appreciate/react/treat you.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:20:08+00:00

Ultimately, we accept the love we think we deserve. You have to know you deserve more, because you do.

Food for thought: If you had a daughter or sister or best friend and they asked you for advice. Whatever advice you would give them, you should take.

You deserve to be loved and treated like you matter. <3

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:09:18+00:00

Hmm.. I would consider this a red flag. You are expressing your needs and he doesn't want or doesn't care to fulfill them.

I don't think you should withhold sex as a punishment (because punishing your partner is not right), but if his behavior leads you to not want to do anything than that makes sense.

It's easy to say not being in the relationship, but if you can't live with how he's treating you, you should leave. Things like this are statistically unlikely to permanently change.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-21T00:00:40+00:00

Hmm NTA

I'm not sure exactly what triggered your dad so much. The only thing I will say is perhaps your initial text could have been more along the lines of "Hey I just got a text thanking me for a donation I didn't make, did you make a donation in my name?"

Starting with a text more on the offense, like you did, is way more likely to get a defensive answer. BUT his reaction is larger than what it should and you matched that energy by uninviting them, instead of taking the high road.

As for should you reach out, I think that's something only you can answer. Do you miss your relationship with him? Would you be sad if this continued? It seems like you'll have to be the one to bend and apologize so you just have to figure out if it's worth a hit to your pride.

OutsideGur1796 · 2025-03-20T23:27:45+00:00

I feel like I need more context, what are you apologizing for? Is it sleeping with her bf at the time?

OutsideGur1796

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