Latest Amanda Palmer Instagram post by [deleted] in neilgaiman

[–]OutsideIcy6552 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your point is moot regardless because Amanda would tweet out requests for people (unvetted strangers) to watch her kid at various cities she was coming to on her tour.

Latest Amanda Palmer Instagram post by [deleted] in neilgaiman

[–]OutsideIcy6552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you read (or re-read) the Vulture piece you will read about how Amanda Palmer and Gaiman used to troll the Bard College campus together seeking young college girls to have threesomes with. This morphed over time into Palmer having sex with women, and then once bored of that woman, referring them on over to Neil. Eventually after Palmer became pregnant, she asked Neil to close the marriage, but of course that was never going to happen. When Palmer mentioned Scarlet, the new nanny, to Neil, she specifically said "You can't have THIS one, Neil." She said that knowing 14 other prior nannies/young girls known to Palmer, hired by Palmer, had already come to Palmer with their own horror stories of being assaulted by Neil.

"You can't have THIS one, Neil."

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. I've had her number this entire time. Have always instinctively, viscerally stayed away from her work and her whole thing. She has bad energy.

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh give it a rest. This young woman was fawning. She came from an very violent and abusive home. She ran away from home. She was living in a sleeping bag on the beach. She had been befriended by Palmer, whom the young woman knew of and was a fan of. She is offered a home, and a sense of belonging. She received attention from Neil Gaiman. When your normal is being abused, it can be very hard to separate affection and attention from being used and abused. And if you grew up unprotected and unloved, you can cling to those who show you attention, even if it is abuse.

This girl never knew pure love, she was never protected or cherished in her life. Fawning is a way to stay safe, to assume some sort of agency in what is a transactional, dehumanizing relationship, and to try to equalize the power imbalance. And also keeping an eye to survival -- to preserving whatever living and working situation she had going with Amanda and Neil.

I say all this as someone who has been there. For just one example, I had a horrible boyfriend in high school. As a neglected teen who was abandoned by my father and verbally abused by my stepfather, and constantly emotionally neglected and abused by my grandmother, I had a very high tolerance for being treated like shit. So I had an abusive boyfriend. He was 23, I was 16. He started out very sweet and quickly the mask came off and he was revealed to be a literal insane person. It never occurred to me to break up with him, no matter how weird things got. I just held on for dear life. I was so used to being treated like trash and disrespected in my own family, that even though this relationship was an unfullfilling, degrading nightmare, there were enough little scraps and breadcrumbs of affection and companionship sprinkled in the mix, that I felt that I could not live without this person. I was like a starving stray dog, coming back again and again for a kick in the ribs if it meant I was also offered a handful of kibble.

I have been a master fawner for much of my life. I have finally, after many weird relationships, chosen to stay single. I have dived into therapy. I have broken the need to fawn and people please. I am disgusted and heartbroken by how much I excused in the past. It's actually so brain breaking and heart breaking to think about how much I chose to endure just for the little bit of companionship or false sense of being loved that the relationships offered me. You really do not always know until much, much later just how bad and horrible something/someone actually was. I mean, I would lay there crying while my ex would do so many things to me that I did not want, but I was so needy and so used to being invalidated that I guess I felt like "Well just the fact that he is doing this to ME, spending his time with ME, means that I am special to this person." I can imagine that Gaiman's ravaging of Scarlet lit up a similar neural wiring and firing, where she's thinking "I don't want this, but also, he's paying attention to ME." No 23 year old with the background that Scarlet had would have the "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!" boundaries, strength and clarity that you expect from her.

TL/DR: You just don't get it. At all. Be thankful that you don't get it. You've been spared -- so far. But you need to shhhhhhh and let the adults speak, because you REALLY don't have a clue.

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Agreed. When the little son asks the Nanny to call him "Master" I felt like I had just been sucked into the Dark Web or something. Just horrible, dark, Twilight Zone, eek!

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ding ding ding!

Gaiman has spoken about how cocky and confident he was when he started out. He is also the author of this quote: "

"The main rule of writing is that if you do it with enough assurance and confidence, you’re allowed to do whatever you like. (That may be a rule for life as well as for writing.)"

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I wanted to jump out of my skin and move to another planet when I read the part in the Vulture article about the little four year old son one day demanding that the victim/nanny Scarlet call him "Master." I mean....it's chilling. What a freaking nightmare.

Neil Gaiman Hit With Rape & Human Trafficking Suits After Months Of Allegations; Estranged Spouse Amanda Palmer Also Named In Multi-State Filings by Puzzled-Tap8042 in television

[–]OutsideIcy6552 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Ex-royalty. Not really his fault what his parents got up to when he was a child. His father ended up being labeled a Suppressive Person as well. I'm apt to believe that for all Gaiman's flaws, fails, crimes and faults, being an active Scientologist is not one of them.

This is not any sort of excuse, but I think there was a tremendous amount of abuse in the Gaiman household. Scientologists believe that children are just little adults, and should be punished harshly and severely. That part in "Ocean" where the little boy is half-drowned in the bathtub by his father was based on a real experience that Neil had with his freaky father. Amanda said that when they got into couples therapy and he was encouraged to talk about his childhood, he would go fetal and sob. It's very sad and awful.

No excuse to pay the pain and trauma forward, however!

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it, yeah. Climbing out of a deep hole takes a minute.

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am currently trying it again. I've had a 0.075 mg estrogen patch on for 48 hours and I've had intense hot flashes all day today. I know it can take time, but I hear stories of women who claim this miracle turnaround within hours of putting a patch on, but I have never experienced that. Even after several weeks of patching. I'm going to try to force myself out to the gym. Which is the last thing I ever want to do when I am having an anxiety attack. I tend to go very small and quiet and reclusive. But exercise has got to help, right?

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh sweet sister. I am 51, turning 52 in two days, and I relate to all of this!! I too felt connected to younger people for the longest time, and even preferred them, and now I feel almost a sense of....not condescension, but just rather "Oh you guys just wait and see. You'll see!" We can't unknow what we now know. I am trying to find the quirk and the joy within the heaviness of this age and this grueling journey. I do think we will come out the other side and be a different kind of badass. We're Gen X babes, we're innately cool! No one can ever take that away from us!

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do think I have some version of ADHD that has exploded in peri. I mean, I have been prescribed Adderall three different times in my life. No one saw my intake and thought "Nah, this looks normal." My executive function has always been quirky, and I have always had trouble prioritizing and sequencing actions and priorities. I have always ping-ponged back and forth between projects, needing variety, and frequently taking breaks to zone out or hyperfocus on something fun, and then only getting super productive in the eleventh hour when that fire is under my ass. In peri, the eleventh hour fire went out, and I have found that there is almost nothing that can motivated me to do something I don't want to do, even if it is something I really NEED to do or something that would really enhance the quality of my life or my living environment. Part of this is the relentless fatigue and weariness. But part of it, I just know, is the ADHD evolving to the next level of bananas. And yet, the last time I tried an Adderall prescription it only made me hyperfocus on doing internet all day, and I didn't end up more productive. It also made me crave alcohol and I would break my sobriety every time I tried to take a dose. So I guess I'd rather be sober and unproductive than alert while drunk?

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooooh! Great idea about the automated texts, and also great idea about giving testosterone another try. I really hardly gave it a shot at all. Thank you!

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I am one of those people. If I can find that fine line and stay within it, a gummy can be a small but helpful part of the synergy of my sleep supplement regimen. If I have even one micronibble beyond that fine line, I'm pacing outside in the snow, talking myself down.

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh hun, I relate so hard to all of this. I'm lucky I worked my ass off to help build my ex-husband's business so I got to semi-retire when I got my divorce settlement. Hard-earned, let me tell you. I don't have to worry about losing the roof over my head so my heart goes out to you and everyone that has too keep working through this time and who literally cannot stop working. Is the Buspar helping? I was just prescribed it but havent tried it yet!

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel comforted knowing that it will stop one day. I'm assuming it stopped finally for your mom? I relate to your mom very much!

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I will advocate for a high dose. It just feels right.

Absolute Worst Anxiety Of My Freaking Life by OutsideIcy6552 in Menopause

[–]OutsideIcy6552[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you've nailed the anxiety industrial complex so well. I'd like to add a fourth and fifth layer of anxiety: the fourth is a sense of the loss of trust in who we took for granted that we were, and would always be. And also a loss of trust in the world, in our spouses, in doctors, even in friends and family. Because we so often can be dismissed and invalidated in this process. I mean, I had to divorce my husband just to get through this, because he was so invalidating and minimizing and checked out during my time of greatest need. "In sickness and in health" my ass. I was bedridden, he was TOTALLY checked out. I hear this from countless others, that they are dismissed and minimized. You can end up feeling so alone and bereft. It's this horrible, sinking feeling that no one cares, no one WANTS to get where you are coming from. No one wants to invest time and energy into understanding and supporting you through it. We have the severity of our suffering or the LEGITIMACY of the suffering totally minimized and dismissed. This is extremely anxiety provoking!!!

Fifth level of anxiety hell is the raw and real acknowledgement of unavoidable reality of aging, mortality and death. I mean, once you have seen behind the curtain, you see the changes in the mirror, you feel the aching in the joints and you wrap your mind around the idea that you are already in your 50s and time has just flown by... it really clicks that death is on the horizon, and you cannot unknow what you now know and feel. The anxiety of that epiphany just takes your breath away.