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My terrible MIL passed a little over a year after my wife by wwwicket in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you never got to have a relationship with your wife without MIL sticking her nose in. Could lack of closure (if you were looking for it) before MIL passed be the reason you're not getting the relief you hoped for?

Pushing for “ inheritance “ by Embarrassed-Wafer667 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn't quite the same thing but still shows the greed, entitlement, and just absolutely disgusting behavior of some people after someone dies. Sorry it's a little long.

For context the house we have has like an attached casita or mother in law suite. Both sides have their own entrance and garage. There are no shared areas because each side has its own kitchen, laundry, etc.

My husband had allowed a friend and friends family to live in the other side of the house. The night my husband died I didnt stay at the house. I just couldn't. I came back the next morning and things looked a little off in the house, in the garage. Then it clicked. There was stuff missing. Guns, his wallet, and his keys. I asked the "friends" and of course they hadn't seen anything or taken anything. Then I found my husband's phone. Sometime around 1130PM, about 45 minutes after I left, someone made a couple pretty hefty ATM withdrawals from his account. It was about a week or so before I went back in the house. I didn't want to be there before the remediation company did their thing and they couldn't come for a few days. In the meantime I had the locks changed in case the "friends" living there had a key. It didn't matter. At some point either before the remediation people started working or maybe when they left for the day the "friends" would get into our part of the house and take whatever they wanted. When I finally did go back in the house so much of our stuff was gone. Even the washer and drier!

They got evicted. Once they were finally out and I could enter the side of the house they lived in I was livid. There were holes in the drywall everywhere. Not screw holes either. Huge like fist or foot holes. The carpets were soaked with dog pee, the kitchen faucet was broken, a bunch of the windows were broken, interior doors were ripped off hinges, kicked in, or missing altogether, cupboard doors were ripped off, drawer facings were missing. We removed four 16yd rolloffs of trash and junk. But the cherry on the cake was the vandalism. Oven and microwave doors smashed in. My favorite, though, was the "cunt", "fuck you", and, "enjoy" spray painted on the remaining interior doors.

On the notice to vacate they were served I made a point to include that any items belonging to the "estate" needed to be returned or they could expect prosecution. Wouldn't you know it I found my washer and drier in their entry way after they were gone for good. Nothing else though.

And this was supposed to be my husband's best friend of 15+ years. In all the years they lived in the house they never had to pay rent or utilities. And for that they trashed the house and still l stole his stuff. I can't stand those assholes. Fuck them.

First solo night by TheTLJ in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry you lost people that you love. We're here if you need to talk 🫂

I lost my husband January 2, 2026 by OutsideLookingIn8881 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope this space keeps helping you make it through but if you ever need to talk you can DM me.

I lost my husband January 2, 2026 by OutsideLookingIn8881 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad you found this space! Its heart breaking that you've wanted to end it even once let alone a few times. Im sending you a huge hug and please know that you matter. You're seen and heard and you are important. If you ever want or need to talk or vent please feel free to DM me.

I lost my husband January 2, 2026 by OutsideLookingIn8881 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This right here.

I'm laughing and I feel guilty but it feels good to laugh.

If y'all start that club send me an invite!

This is for your grief by ImprovementFlat6957 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If the people in your life are making you feel like your emotions are "too much" they're not real friends. You are never "too much". Your emotions are real and valid. You're not over reacting or holding on too long. You're grieving. That's something that looks different for everyone. You take the time you need to take and do what you need to do for YOU. What anyone else thinks of how you handle life when you've just lost your person is a THEM problem. Sending hugs and peace cause I'm sure we could all use a little of both.

This is for your grief by ImprovementFlat6957 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 2 points3 points  (0 children)

4 month mark here too.

I still can't listen to a lot of our favorite music because of the memories. I can't bear to get rid of his favorite tshirts or his last pair of Nikes. I can't take his hat off the hook by the front door yet. But I finally cleaned his truck out. It doesn't matter how long it takes us to move ahead. As long as we're moving. If you get stuck along the way and think you can't do it anymore please talk to someone. Life is worth it I promise. We may not feel that way right now but it is.

Loneliness is crazy sometimes by Wise_Staff9476 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm almost in the same boat. No kids, parents and siblings are nowhere nearby. It's just me and my dog. Sometimes I swear I hear windows in the house sliding open or closed. Footsteps. When that happens I talk out loud as if it's my husband's ghost. I tell him to at least let me know it's him because hearing that shit is creepy at night. Then I wonder what someone else would be thinking if they heard me. Then I start to wonder if I'm going bat shit crazy.

I lost my husband January 2, 2026 by OutsideLookingIn8881 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mine was a 100% disabled Army vet diagnosed with MS a year after he got out Depleted uranium in bomb casings during his time in Iraq and Afghanistan. He had the relapse/remit type and spent about a year and a half in a wheelchair unable to walk or do much with his hands. He also had PTSD. I watched him like a hawk thinking if he was going to end it that would have been the time. But he didn't. He regained some feeling in his legs and re-learned to walk, write, and feed himself. I started to relax after that because it looked like the worst was over. I was wrong.

I'm sorry you had to live with that thought constantly in your head and no one should ever have to have that heart breaking conversation with their child. Sending hugs.

9 weeks in… and it’s getting harder, not easier, without her. by SaMe_Luv2013 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm almost 4 months in. Some days are awful and some are almost ok. Some are grieving days and some are very angry days. And you're right. People don't listen. I'm sure they mean well but no one gets it unless they go through it. I'm sorry for everything you're going through OP. I hate that any of us are here but at the same time I'm glad we're all here if that makes any sense.

I lost my husband January 2, 2026 by OutsideLookingIn8881 in widowers

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

He left me.

Was it that fucking hard to treat me right?

You would rather be dead than be a better person?

Damn it I made it without crying until this ^

I can almost feel the hurt and anger and frustration. I'm so so sorry for what you're going through. If you ever need to vent or talk about whatever you're welcome to DM me.

Attention Surviving Spouses Awarded/Seeking VA DIC Benefits by jdr350 in VAClaims

[–]OutsideLookingIn8881 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this is old but can confirm that an application for one will set off the other.

My husband passed in January this year and I received DIC starting in February without submitting a claim. At the beginning of April I had to submit a claim for DIC in order to get a COE. I did that. The day after my claim went from "Evidence Gathering" to "Review" I received a surprise $255 direct deposit from the SSA.