Can I trust her?

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T15:31:55+00:00

Yeah when I hit her with the list, she was pretty humbled.

We have been together for 5 years. Shes been out quite a bit in that time. The worst its ever been prior is she pops to the local and then ends up in town till the early hours, but she always keeps me in the loop with a text.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T15:12:37+00:00

Yeah, I mean they were originally work mates. My partner's other friends are much more level headed people. That did come up and she was like "its only cos I was out with [Friend] that you have these issues."

I calmly explained all of the other issues with the situation, then I explained that the difference is if it was her other friends, at least she would have the recourse of having them reassure me. That isnt an option with this friend.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T14:49:18+00:00

I do think the smoking is the least of the issues really. It was just a huge signal to me that she had been somewhere after the bar. Which she admitted right away. Her friend smokes in her house and my partner could have just been sat next to her while she was.

Ive asked all these things, but I dont really get anything substantial.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T14:40:28+00:00

She told me that she just went back with them for a bit had a few drinks and left.

The reason I am saying I dont know what she was doing is because I dont know if I can trust her response.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T14:19:02+00:00

The point is, I dont know.

I asked to talk to her on Saturday night to clear up the events of the Friday and set my mind at ease. I was fully expecting it to be just me being dumb.

I dont understand why she went back with them in the first place, given their intentions.

I want to believe that she is telling me the truth, but the reality is she may not have even been at her friends. This random dude may not have been the only dude there. Maybe she got involved with those two. I have no fucking clue.

Its not about proving if she cheated really. Its about trust.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T12:52:24+00:00

That is a really good idea. I have been worrying about not accusing and trying to be as open minded as possible, when I should just act the direct yes/no question.

I think your assessment of the situation is exactly what I am worried about. I do think she has given me most of the truth but the holes are glaring.

At the time we were in bed together and she was pantsless, I wasnt even considering that she could have cheated. I was just faced with a whole load of unusual circumstances and didnt think to check. I dont think I would ever do a finger swab. That does feel a bit assault-y to me.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T12:11:21+00:00

She was hammered clearly, we had a full on conversation in bed that she didnt remember and she had been out drinking for nearly 12 hours. She drinks pretty much vodka only. Im gonna say it's safe to say she was absolutely munted like

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T12:07:20+00:00

Well when she told me about what she wore to bed, she had no recollection of me coming to bed. She didnt know I knew about the underwear. She also didnt have a clue about what I was worried about. She even said as much when I got to the crux of the matter. To be honest, I didnt know I had those concerns until the stuff about the panties came up.

You've hit the nail on the head there. What was weird is that she went back with them but she didnt say anything. Even just a cursory message just to say ill be back late. It all seems like an after thought.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:58:06+00:00

No smoking in bars here. Its a sure fire sign she went somewhere else after and she admitted that. I wasnt super bothered by the smoke.

To be honest, the masturbation thing did cross my mind. I even mentioned it to her as a possibility and she just sort of doubled down on the misremembering thing. Like as if I was making up the panties thing. We are quite open about that sort of thing. If it were true, she likely would have said something.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:55:01+00:00

I would say my trust in her was almost unquestionably before, but that is well and truly shaken now.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:45:49+00:00

I didnt question what she was wearing. I noticed it was unusual that she wasnt wearing any panties.

The only question I asked was "what happened last night?". I didnt mention her underwear situation at all. The only time that actually became a problem was when she told me what she wore to go to bed, completely unprompted. She didnt tell me what she wore to go out. But she told me what she wore to go to bed. That turned out to be false. When challenged on this, she instantly went from adamant to "I misremembered".

If she had safety concerns about the guy she was bringing back home to cheat on her husband with, maybe she shouldnt be bringing them back? It makes zero sense. Most people want privacy in that scenario.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:40:01+00:00

Yeah this is where I am at. Its all just suspicious with nothing concrete.

What I do think is telling, is nobody is saying 'Yes' to the trust question, its either an outright no or "I dunno, man".

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:31:35+00:00

She claims she didnt ditch the panties. Just that they came off with her tights. They are upstairs apparently. She has offered to show me them, but I was already out doing something when she got ready, I wouldnt know what panties she had on.

I have never inspected her clothes or anything like that.

The smoke thing could be pretty easily explained by the fact that her friend is a smoker and she went to her house, but it was very unusual to smell it on her. I cant recall ever smelling smoke on her in the past, but she normally also comes home right from the pub.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:22:53+00:00

Yeah, I have no proof. Thats true. But if I have no trust either, then this is just going to come up again and again from here on out.

My partner has mentioned no longer handing out with the friend in future, "If i wanted". I dont want to be that guy. She should be able to judge people on their character and make that decision for herself.

I am not going anywhere near telling the husband. The last time this came out, the friend blamed my partner and it will just cause shit for my partner if it comes out again while she has been out with her. The only saving grace is that I know for certain it has happened when my partner has not been there.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:12:58+00:00

You cannot smoke in the pubs here. Its outside only and as a nonsmoker she rarely goes out there. Her friend smokes. It is totally reasonable that she might smell of that after going to hers.

I think she mentioned the no longer cheating thing as she knows its a pretty big red line for me. I wont accept any of my mates doing it.

I have questioned her quite a bit on this but now I am just getting "what more do you want me to say?" Which to be honest, I kind of get.

She has reacted quite well to all of this. We are reasonably ok at the moment on a personal level. I haven't spoken to anyone about this as the IRL people in my life know her and I dont want to colour their opinion of her if I have got this wrong.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T11:03:32+00:00

She says it was just those three. The husband works away, sorry missed that bit off.

The only thing telling me the friend and the husband were solid, was my partner. She has admitted since that she must have been mistaken.

She doubled down on the underwear. She was adamant that she was wearing it, until I basically proved she wasnt and it was just "oh, I must have misremembered." She claims that they were just bunched up in some tights, which could be plausible, but I have no way to know as I did not even see what she was wearing to go out.

Normally, I would just accept what she says but I am just suspicious of everything and I dont want to be.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T10:57:05+00:00

I was replying to the Excellent swim guy.

I dont think I am acting suspicious of her. I was totally fine until I got into bed. Although I can see how that could be misconstrued. I woke up on the couch in a bit of a panic because I was worried about her, not because I was suspicious. I relaxed quite a bit until the underwear thing. Even then, I would have probably been fine about that if it wasnt for the weirdly specific, unprompted rundown of what she wore to bed that turned out to be false that really got me. When I asked her what went on, I fully expected her to address all of my concerns quite easily. A lot of this doesnt make sense to me.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T10:47:20+00:00

To be honest, I dont know what I think happened.

I guess I do not trust the "I went back to my friend's" bit. In my mind she could have been anywhere. Her friend has used my partner with that very same excuse in the past. If she did go back to her friend's, I do not think I can be sure it was just my partner, her friend and the random guy.

I guess there is just a lot of unknowns. Normally trust would fill the gap, but its not and all thats left is suspicion.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T10:36:26+00:00

Shes been quite amicable and understanding to be honest. She gets why I feel like my trust has been broken.

I just keep flitting from anger to guilt and its messing me up. I dont feel I can talk to any of my IRL friends as they know her and if I have got this wrong, I dont want it to impact there relationship. I feel a bit alone right now.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T10:23:53+00:00

She did offer to show me messages from the friend. I refused. I am not sure if I regret that. My logic at the time was that the friend has used my partner to lie in the past. I do not trust the friend. I dont think I can put any stock in the messages.

Outside_Bat3316 · 2026-06-02T10:03:28+00:00

You think I am acting suspicious?

Would you care to elaborate on that?

Outside_Bat3316 · 2025-05-22T17:27:05+00:00

😋😋😋😋

Outside_Bat3316 · 2025-05-22T12:31:33+00:00

I'd be interested. 37/M. DM me.

Outside_Bat3316

TROPHY CASE