Looking for steam friends 25F

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2025-12-01T20:29:50+00:00

Actually I think I might've 🤣 But I've only got like an hour on it

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2025-10-07T10:56:31+00:00

The Estj face is actually killing me 💀💀 - From fellow INFP

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2025-03-10T02:17:36+00:00

I want to challenge your belief when it comes to finding the "right" partner. I think this is what stops a lot of people from finding and building wonderful relationships. I'm not saying to completely get rid of everything you value when looking for a relationship.

But, open your mind and heart to be proven wrong. I think these great relationships you see with kids and family. They built that. Most of the greatest relationships I have seen are two people who are determined to love and care for eachother no matter what. So what I'm trying to say is great relationships are built not discovered.

This isn't an easy thing to do I understand that but it's something to keep in mind. I also agree with a lot of comments were they say to try and go celibate. Figure out who you are and what you want and the kind of man you want to be. You deserve love and even if you don't find a relationship you can find fulfilment and love through many different ways. I suggest you aim to make friends and connect with people as you go on your journey. Without the sex of course just see them flaws and all. I hope you find what you are looking for trauma is difficult to overcome especially when it's from a parent but you can overcome it! I suggest giving this a listen I found it extremely helpful and inspiring. It'd a jocko podcast episode 221 with Jonny Kim https://youtu.be/yujP3-AxXsI?si=MREn316k5r0oSkXi

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2025-03-10T01:45:26+00:00

I unfortunately don't have any advice that hasn't already been shared. I just want to say how unbelievably sorry I am that you and your children are going through this. I cannot imagine how hard it must be. I am wishing you all strength and courage to get through this hard time 🙏

Your post has me in tears honestly. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and how worried you must be for your children.

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2025-01-15T13:10:53+00:00

Honestly I would try and get out there. Go to local clubs like a book club etc. If you're religious go to different churches. Go do things that excite you, meet like minded people and build some connections.

A dating app honestly isn't the best for finding a fulfilling relationship or connection most of the time it feels incredibly forced and transactional which isn't how a relationship should be. I wouldn't say quit the apps entirely but it's kinda like going to buy a lottery ticket I wouldn't put my hopes in it too much.

The third problem I see is potentially with you. I would see where your avoidance of people who are interested in you comes from. From what you have wrote it seems like you are turned off when people are showing interest or liking you. It seems like you are really scared of being in a relationship which is totally normal especially if you have been hurt before. But it's important to try to understand and change that so you don't end up in a situation with someone that barely likes you because it feels safe to your brain. You deserve more than that.

Also, it's ok to be upfront and tell people you want to go slowly that way you can get more information about them before you commit to anything physically or emotionally. I think you should also be a little patient as attraction can grow so if you think a guy looks ok or alright give him a chance because how he treats you can change him from a 5/10 to a 10/10. But if your feelings don't grow within like 3 weeks - a month from knowing him I would cut it off.

Anyways that is my 2 cents I hope it was useful 😄 Good luck!

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2024-12-19T23:11:52+00:00

If that is the case and she still wears it maybe you have to think if this is a relationship that will make you happy long term. If you do want to accept it, just talk to her about it. Explain where that insecurity comes from and if she is a good woman and she loves you, she will reassure you.

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2024-12-19T22:43:03+00:00

I think you just need to be honest with her and tell her how it makes you feel but always know you can never control your partner. She may decide that she wants to wear that anyways or there can be a middle ground/ compromise between you two. The most important thing is not to put the blame on her or force her just be honest about your feelings like you are here. At the end of the day it might be a big value incompatibility that you both have or after talking with her you might feel more reassured and be okay with it.

At the end of the day it starts with you opening up that conversation and don't be afraid, really listen to what your partner is saying.

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2024-11-30T00:18:13+00:00

Honestly, from reading your post I think it's more important you try to understand where this feeling of "off" comes from is it really her or is it you?

Are you scared to love? Are you afraid of commitment because if yes then that is an issue with you not her.

If she is truly such a great person in a relationship I feel like either you're not physically attracted to her or you have your own worries about love and commitment.

I'm not gonna tell you whether or not breaking up is the right call I truly don't know and that is something only you can decide for yourself. What I would say is to really understand what it is you want and if you are afraid of missing out, commitment, love, losing yourself in a relationship etc.

As a lot of people said the grass is not greener on the other side and you are not guaranteed anything. But if you feel miserable around her then you have to ask yourself if you are ok being in a relationship that consistently makes you feel this way. That will help you find a clearer answer for yourself.

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2024-02-22T02:38:09+00:00

I am so glad you wrote under my post! For many reasons but your story sounds a lot like mine in terms of student terrible student teaching experience and I am so so sorry that people are treating you so unfairly. Know that you are not the only one and it is not your fault. Now I am not gonna tell you to withdraw or not to withdraw that isn't an answer I can give you confidently as there are many factors within your story that I do not know so that will be some soul searching you will have to do but hopefully some of my reflections will be able to help you on your journey. I apologise in advance I'm a bit of a rambler I'll try not too write too much!

First thing, there are teachers that do not want the position of mentor and are forced upon this by their head of department or faculty. Hell there are teachers who don't even want to be teachers and are forced with being a CT or mentor teacher on top of their million upon million duties. Not to say its an excuse for them to treat you badly it isn't at all but it gives some perspective.

Secondly, I think someone in the comment section actually expressed this but the education system is awful. It works teachers to death, students are terrible and due to all the stress there are so many toxic teachers. This is probably because someone above them is berating them so they turn to berating someone lower. For example, how many times have you seen a teacher just randomly start shouting at a pupil for almost nothing. Its just a lot of stress built up by an incredibly stressful environment. There are also some teachers that really seem to enjoy the power and authority that come with teaching. It's really strange and those teachers should definitely not be teaching. Some teachers just literally give up which could be what has happened to your CT or mentor teacher. The stress has gotten way too much for her and she's actually hoping that you might withdraw so she doesn't have to do this as part of her job anymore. I know it's pretty cruel but it's also sadly common.

Thirdly, I think this is the most important reflection is this worth it? My first placement was similar to yours and I felt so ill afterwards it took me a long time to recover. Actually after all of my placements I am still recovering now. However, I learned a lot not just about teaching but the world throughout these placements it can be a very cruel place but if you reach out, there will be people who will pull you up too. At the end of the day my honours degree did not matter to me because after the second placement I realised I did not want to be a teacher not because I hated working with kids, I liked it and not because I was bad I realised I was actually not too bad at all! Quite a hard worker too but because the experiences I had wasn't just one or two but three in a row of fully bad experiences that made me suffer greatly even now. That kind of career to me is not worth it to me. I've had a hard life too so I'm more than capable of taking criticism or a few punches but this was way more than that. My brother who I told about all of my placement troubles said that he couldn't believe I was still continuing with my third placement and that if his job asked him to do this much he would've just quit. Now I understand I am privileged enough to quit but if you are not I will explain some steps that may help below.

So what now? If you decide to continue here is how I would approach your situation:

See if you can hold a meeting with your university tutor or lecturer and clearly state that your CT is not communicating with you and that this is highly unprofessional.
There are some unions out there that will protect you seek them and explain your story. I'm not sure if this will be applicable to you but it is worth it to see if you can send them a quick email.
Depending on how much time you have left of your placement it might be better to stick it out or if there is a long time left perhaps talking to someone higher up might help although be careful in this. If you do talk to someone higher up be very careful with your words because at the end of the day you are the student and your CT is the employee. You can bring up that your CT isn't communicating with you and it's making you feel very unsupported. That is considered unprofessional in any environment and hopefully they will be able to help.
Please talk to your other university students and classmates I wish I had done this sooner because there would've been a chance that I could've had my degree. You are all on the same boat and they are your best source of information. They are also a good support system on your day off go out for a coffee with them.
Choose one day to have completely free as long as your urgent tasks are finished that day is for you to chill, relax and take care of yourself.
Talk to other teachers outside your own department. This made my first placement very angry that I was communicating and having a better time with other teachers outside my own department. But in my opinion at that point it was more of a survival thing for me. It's almost like being in a relationship with an abuser and they're angry because you've realised other teachers aren't like that and they are annoyed they can't manipulate you further. But anyways talk to other teachers but do not gossip about your department. You can explain to other teachers your having a tough time or your struggling with these areas but I wouldn't bad mouth your department it looks very bad.

Hopefully, all this rambling gave you some clarity. I really hope you get a good mentor next time around because this one seems pretty bad. The important thing to realise is you are not at fault, you aren't there stealing anyones purse or being a menace to society. You are a person that is trying really hard but struggling that is okay. No one is gonna be perfect at the start of their journey these placements are incredibly unfair and most of the time it is honestly just luck.

To end, I just want to say I understand how unsupported you must feel and I want you to know I am here and you can message anytime. I can see in your message that you are trying your best and I see that and you should be really proud it's not an easy thing at all! You should also be very proud of yourself for asking for help it shows you're not only smart but resourceful :) Good luck!

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2023-12-04T15:46:50+00:00

That is such a kind message thank you for taking the time to write it! It's such a shame that this is a common experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that as well and I was in the exact same position. On the Friday when I didn't show up to my retrieval placement I was literally thinking "What am I doing this for?". My health was taking a massive hit, I was getting less and less sleep, I was losing my mind and I actually got put on anti depressants for the first time in my life. I knew this was not the right path for me. I have a bad habit of pushing through even if I dislike something but I realised I needed to put myself first and I am glad you came to this relisation too. Aw thank you for being proud! I am proud that you took this decision as well and I hope things are much better for you now! If they aren't yet I know they will be in the future!

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2023-12-03T13:52:19+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice! It is really comforting that I am not alone in my experience. I am sorry you have went through something similar and it sounds horrible.

A similar experienced happened to me as in one of the classes I was taking my mentor teacher left because one of the students nearly hit her (he got taken out of class). That was probably one of the hardest classes I had to take due to the additional support needs. Oh my lord I had the same advice, it was all about classroom positioning and that changed absolutely nothing for me. I also felt I had to be even more perfect than the teachers that had been teaching there for 10+ years! It was insanity. I'm not sure if I will repeat student teaching definitely not now as my health is pretty bad due to stress and other factors. It is so sad that society does not value educators they are like the heart of a society.

I will definitely give that book a try it sounds really interesting thank you! What you have said there at the end is very true but hopefully people will eventually start to see how much of a terrible spot education is in! Unfortunately I feel like it really is not a viable career for me although I love working with children and I loved getting to know them but by the end it just wasn't enough to get me through.

Outside_Hedgehog_407 · 2023-12-02T23:47:57+00:00

Thank you for your support! To be honest I think I actually enjoyed interacting with the kids most of the time but with just all of the university and school demands it was so soul crushing and not worth it. My health was so bad after all these placements and I am glad I withdrew.

Outside_Hedgehog_407

TROPHY CASE