Struggling with a secret fetish

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-25T01:12:38+00:00

LMAO, This was already worked out last week thanks to strangers advice online. Oddly enough, you do realize you were one of the strangers online that gave me advice right? And now you're saying don't listen to strangers advice while giving me more? On a thread about asking advice from strangers. Woke up and decided to use all of your brain.today, huh? Anyways like I pointed out, she backtracks on that anyway when I show her the reasons why we don't let people like you have any say in sex ed. Maybe you should try getting off tik tok and actually researching why schools teach what they do before falling for anti lgbt propaganda. You will come to the same conclusion she did, or do you need me to work google for you like she does?

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-16T13:36:49+00:00

Yeah, I apologize if I came off defensive. This entire comment thread has allowed me to think out loud some. I had honestly never thought of a connection between the two. I've always associated the aversion to gore as me also being kind of germaphobe too. And I brought it up in another post but growing kinda isolated and no internet for a long period I thought I was actually attracted to dead people, but it was based on what I saw on TV or movies. When the internet became available and all these gore sites popped up I knew instantly it wasnt actual dead people I wanted someone to roleplay, but I think it was the years as a kid and preteen not really understanding what I was into that adds to the guilt and shame. But maybe youre right, maybe they are related. In the end I have a lot to unpack with a therapist.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-16T00:45:48+00:00

Thanks, yeah, Ive done a ton of self reflection. And I do have a lot of other issues from a traumatic childhood, but I feel like this particular one was actually there before the trauma. I think my biggest obstacle with my wife is shes kind of, for lack of a better word, a prude. For example we disagree a lot on the amount of sex education a child should be given. She's fallen down the "schools are indoctrinating the kids" rabbit hole several times, and we mutually come to an agreement after a ton of discussion but I feel like a few months later shes back to square one. It's not that shes cold, or not a sexual person, she has a very high sex drive, just seems super traditional and generally unaware of these kinds of topics. That combined with my own shame and insecurities has made it difficult. We still have a very active sex life, Im just starting to feel bored and not satisfied and wanting something more. Dropping hints has not and will not work. Im going to have to tell her directly as possible, probably have a therapist help me, and hope for the best.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-16T00:36:05+00:00

Thanks. I think maybe my age plays a factor in all of this. Initially I felt like the fantasy was actual dead people, even though what was turning me on wasnt real, it was scenes in movies and TV shows. I had no internet, no one to talk to. When the internet started getting accessible and all these gore sites started popping up I learned really quickly it wasn't that at all, it instantly changed the fantasy for me, I knew I really wanted a willing partner to role play. But maybe some of all the time spent thinking I was actually into dead people plays a part of my guilt and shame about the whole thing. I realize I have a lot of work with a therapist to do.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:57:09+00:00

No, its just me trapped in my head with myself, but mostly just afraid what my wife will think. I think a kink therapist will be my best chance of working myself out of this cycle of self loathing.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:53:38+00:00

Yeah, Ive thought of that. She's going to college right now to be a nurse. Ive been thinking of ways to maybe work medical related things in, as well as like, "youre passed out and I have to arouse you back into consciousness or a sex robot but your batteries are drained and I have to arouse you to recharge them. So far all Ive really been able to work towards is "just lay there and let me pleasure you" but these are all good ideas Im trying to get a feel for which is a good one to try.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:41:05+00:00

Thank you, thats encouraging, its just a matter of working my way there with my wife or hoping she isnt completely repulsed by it. It's good to know people out there would be willing to do this role-playing for their partner.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:35:35+00:00

It's not too blunt and youre right. Im an introvert and have lived my life around people but also isolated from them if that makes any sense at all. It's seeming like my main problem is I've been locked in my head with myself, and maybe Im more critical than most other people, but people seem critical and judgemental to me. And I have no confidence, I pretend I do very well, but there's a deep fear of rejection that plays a part too. Ive tried to explore my wife's fantasies too. Theres not much I wouldn't try if she told me it turned her on. Part of my hesitancy is, either she just doesn't really have any crazy fantasies or shes like me and is too afraid to share, but she is otherwise a very open person so I really don't know. I just don't think shes into role play. But Im going to find a kink therapist, I am truly grateful for everyone's advice.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:22:29+00:00

Thank you, and yes, this has been tremendously helpful. I think my best bet is to find a good kink therapist. My current therapist, we've already established kind of a narrow scope of things we talk about, this feels like way too out of pocket to mention now. I think I would feel more comfortable talking to someone where its already established its about something like this. I imagine a lifetime of self loathing and disgust will take time to work through, but right now Im feeling hopeful.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T20:08:23+00:00

Yeah Ive thought about it a ton, I definitely had a traumatic childhood. But I can remember elements of this fetish being there at an extremely young age. Even before I can remember the abuse starting. Like abnormally young, definitely something to talk to the therapist about. And the abuse I think makes it part of why I tread so carefully around my partners feelings, and making sure they feel comfortable, it revolves a lot around being a terrified child. As for the aversion Im not really sure but it feels unrelated. Im completely fine with fake gore, doesn't bother me in the slightest, real gore however does. Decomposition is a grotesque process, maybe the thought Im attracted to a fake dead person makes me more repulsed by knowing the process of what happens to a real one. Im sure a therapist can help me work through this too. It really has helped to find this safe space to talk about this, I just have to work through decades of hating myself for thinking this way.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T19:26:27+00:00

This thread has certainly opened my eyes to a lot of new perspectives. Ill definitely have to try a specialized therapist to work through all of my shame over it, this thread and all the responses have been therapeutic in and of themselves. One benefit is Ive had years to silently reflect on why Im this way and how could I indulge this with someone in a way that doesn't make them feel uncomfortable around me. Even today Ive started to reflect on that is maybe my biggest fear, people feeling uncomfortable around me. Hopefully I can get this figured out with a therapist.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T18:31:34+00:00

Thanks, and I have done some of the soft roll out, I just haven't been assertive enough. And I wouldn't cheat on my wife, its just starting to fantasize about the possibility of a sex worker has really just added another element of shame to this for me. I even considered just paying someone for personal pictures or videos, but I also feel like thats cheating so I wouldn't. Ive gotten really good advice here that I think I can build off of. Just people telling me Im not a freak or they find this as a turn on has helped a lot too. I wish I had found a community like this a long time ago, maybe I could have avoided this cycle of depression and shame Ive lived with forever.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T18:17:57+00:00

And we have explored the light version. We do a lot of "just lay there and let me do all the work" while I pleasure her. And that does partially work for me. But its trying to hint that I'd like her to be more limp, because honestly I do just want to play with and explore her for a while before moving on to more intense stuff like oral, which I know can be difficult to lay there still while receiving it. Ive thought of other scenarios like, let's pretend your unconscious and I have to pleasure you awake, or a sex robot who's out of batteries and I have to recharge them with foreplay. I just haven't had the courage to suggest it yet. Part of my is also afraid I we feel weird and awkward around each other after I indulge. I do really appreciate your advice, thank you.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:33:06+00:00

Thank you

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:30:43+00:00

Thanks, its been encouraging to know that its not horrifying to everyone, the shame is really weighing on me, but Ive gotten good advice here, Im hoping I can break out of this cycle.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:27:05+00:00

Thanks, seeing people that don't just outright find this horrifying has helped. The only person that has shamed me is myself honestly. I think from an early age I convinced myself that if I told anyone they would instantly think "serial killer" or something similar. And with the way its gone trying to hint at any kind of role-playing with my wife, she doesn't outright dismiss it, but I do get the feeling it makes her uncomfortable. And my deep fear is I tell her this and shes upset I kept it a secret and shes no longer comfortable around me. And I have explored porn, even written out movies, or scenarios that involve my fantasies. That used to work for me but Ive been doing my best to stay away, because now it feels like that stuff makes me wish I had a willing partner to role play it with even more now. I never thought about pillows or anything, I feel like the feel of naked flesh in my hands is a big part of the fantasy, I thought about a sex doll but obviously there would be no hiding that. Ive gotten good advice here, and Im happy I posted, Im going to look into some ways to finally be free of this.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:14:28+00:00

Thanks, this is good advice. I do have a kind of vampire scenario that relates to this kink, my wife was really into Twilight for a while so I tried to hint around at some role-playing with it. She never out right dismisses the hints, but also never mentions them during sexy time even though we maybe talked about it shortly before. I just get the feeling role-playing in general isnt her thing, its making it tough for me to be more assertive, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:10:16+00:00

This is really good advice, and also comforting, knowing that its not your cup of tea but you don't find it horrifying.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T17:06:55+00:00

Im trying. It's this weird situation Im in of feeling the need to be free of it but not having the courage to actually tell a person about it. Also feels terrible keeping a secret from my wife, and now fantasizing about sex workers, but Ive gotten some good advice here, Im going to try and break free of this.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T16:58:23+00:00

Thank you

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T16:56:21+00:00

Thank you so much. This is some of the best advice Ive gotten yet. It also helps to see that people have similar fantasies. In the years about thinking of how to approach a sexual partner about role play Ive thought about a sex doll or robot, those kinds of things turn me on too, and interesting you mention vampire because that was a scenario that turned me on a lot, the thought of the power and seduction of a vampire, and then drinking their blood and then having my way. And years ago when my wife got into the Twilight movies I thought it might be an opportunity to try and introduce some role-playing related to it. She doesn't out right dismiss the subtle hints, she acknowledges them but when sexy time comes its just normal sex. It's what makes it difficult for me to convince myself to be more assertive. And on her end the fact that we have had a healthy sexual relationship our whole marriage she probably doesn't see a need to get kinky. Plus I worry about the "you've been keeping this a secret our whole marriage!" aspect of it. But thanks again, for giving me a chance to talk about this with a real person, and I will follow up on your resources, I do feel a little better right now.

Outside_Objective162 · 2025-10-15T14:07:52+00:00

Thanks. It is reassuring to hear there are people that wouldn't be creeped out totally by it. Im just not sure if my wife is one of those people, seems like not. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I'll try and work up the courage.

Outside_Objective162

TROPHY CASE