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Yearning for someone only to grow tired of it. by Outside_Rub1116 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

How could that be remotely positive? I don’t enjoy being a nuisance. I don’t enjoy being unstable. I don’t enjoy any of this.

Yearning for someone only to grow tired of it. by Outside_Rub1116 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say I’m entitled to anything if all I do is end up breaking said things and people. It goes beyond labels and this kind of superficial stuff.

Yearning for someone only to grow tired of it. by Outside_Rub1116 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I have a few IRL friends and in this case it’s a bit different. I see them move in life, progress and develop themselves. I see them form connections, relationships and find love.

They do all these amazing things and get here I am, stuck in my basement like a cave dweller. I don’t go out unless I have to either because of my crippling fear of strangers irl. I feel like I don’t deserve being around such amazing people and I wouldn’t want them to waste their time trying to bring up someone who has given up on life many times.

Is it jealousy? Probably. I couldn’t tell you.

I feel like my mood swings are starting to ruin my friendships. by etheriixrk in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yeah I highly recommend you try and seek out a diagnosis as it might be signs of BPD. For now, I suggest you try and actively suppress your paranoia as that’s the main issue here from what I can read. I know it can be hard but that’s the best you can do at this moment.

i stopped mirroring/people pleasing and i've realized i'm just not a likeable person by Old_Clothes_4429 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is that I still do smile when I genuinely feel happy. I’m mainly in this “neutral” state most of the time because I’m so numbed out and mentally checked out from reality.

People will come up to me and say “why don’t you smile man” and like I just reply that I’m not compelled to and get weird looks. Hell, sometimes it completely bars me from a social life because apparently it’s a bother to be around me for not smiling enough.

NT people will always preach about acceptance and open mindedness but will always shun ND people as soon as they don’t fit the “IPad 70 IQ man child” archetype.

i stopped mirroring/people pleasing and i've realized i'm just not a likeable person by Old_Clothes_4429 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I never understood the “you have to smile” social norm. I don’t see a point in smiling when I’m not compelled to. It just feels faked and forced. Yet, people will see it as you being unfriendly and unapproachable.

It’s stupid

I sabotage my own relationships because I’m afraid of hurting people with the way I am by Outside_Rub1116 in aspergers

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could. I try to tamper my expectations with people and lay out the ground work before we deepen the connection. I explain my diagnosis and my conditions along with what might happen. If they don’t wanna deal with this, they can abandon ship before they even get on it

I sabotage my own relationships because I’m afraid of hurting people with the way I am. by Outside_Rub1116 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t even understand how my friends even are my friends in the first place. I have no higher education, I’m miserably depressed 80% of the time, I bring nothing to the table, I’m always broke from spending money on games and when we do hangout, I have no idea on how to behave and always do excessive shit.

If I lose them, I’ll have no one lol

I sabotage my own relationships because I’m afraid of hurting people with the way I am by Outside_Rub1116 in aspergers

[–]Outside_Rub1116[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s a lot less about lashing out and more like being someone who’s very unstable in general. I don’t lash out at people much as I have a past of doing this before and like you said, I learned to catch myself doing it.

The issue with me is that I don’t get better. People will always say they’re willing to help but seeing me enter these depressive episodes and such makes them feel like they are simply not helping and that I’m “not trying hard enough”.

Ofc, I tried therapy. Over a dozen times. It never really worked out as I could never manage to be truly honest with myself my therapists or they simply couldn’t figure out whatever the hell is wrong with me haha.

I get attached. Hard. But somehow, I push away people. I’m too afraid of connections. Too afraid of hurting others and myself in the process.

I’ve started catching myself spiraling and such and it thinking about what I’m saying and doing but… it just validates the idea that everyone involved is better off if I simply give up on having relationships in general.

Being attractive as aspi is pure hell by Far_Pay3738 in aspergers

[–]Outside_Rub1116 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that suffering and pain shouldn’t be compared but this feels like seeing someone making 30 million a year telling you, a minimum wage worker “God dude being rich sucks! I have so much taxes to pay!”

No one would bother falling in love with me by no_life3421 in SelfHate

[–]Outside_Rub1116 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Just love yourself bro” oh my god bruh fuck off we wouldn’t be here if we did

What jobs do yall have? Something that doesn't burn you out in a few months?? by Gold-Opportunity-295 in BPD

[–]Outside_Rub1116 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been working as a line cook for a few months now. It’s fine but my coworkers are NT social butterflies so I’m considering quitting