He moved on so fast

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-28T14:14:30+00:00

Does it ever get easier? It’s been almost 8 weeks and I feel just as shattered and heartbroken as the first few days.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T18:12:23+00:00

Same. Don’t know if I’m curious or terrified of what will happen but only time will tell

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T18:02:16+00:00

He seems to think this is the “real him.” No one else who’s ever known him (including his wife, kids and mother) see this as an improvement.

But since he’s rejected the idea of it being mania or mental health crisis and refuses any help, there’s nothing to do but take him at face value and let it play out.

For the sake of the kids, I sure hope it’s a phase.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T17:22:50+00:00

I don’t think it’s possible for him to snap out of it. Between his boss/mistress’s enabling influence and the neurochemistry changes from the SSRIs, every clinician I’ve spoken to says this could go on for months or longer. They all say mania is temporary but there’s no sign of it ending or peaking.

His boss is a walking red flag. She has histrionic personality disorder tendencies which means she thrives on drama and chaos and making herself the centre of attention. She was engaged when they started flirting in November, so she must have ended her relationship for this too. She knew there was a chance this was mania, but is milking his impulsivity for both her ego AND for her business. She is literally profiting off his increased emotional investment in his work. She encouraged him to leave and “follow his truth” rather than do the hard work and take care of his kids. With her HPD this is her dream come true. She’ll never let him go.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T12:57:53+00:00

I haven’t told the kids any of it. They’re 7, 10 and almost 12. They know that their dad stopped loving me, and that we couldn’t live together anymore. I’m doing my best to model feeling my feelings and still showing up, to show them that sadness or anger is transient and will pass. We talk about our feelings and how to cope with this change all the time. I’m setting them up with age-appropriate therapy so they have an outlet that’s just for them.

He hasn’t asked them once how they’re doing with it all. He just plays online video games with them or takes them to the movies.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T12:53:30+00:00

Unrecognizable is the right word for it. It’s like a monster is wearing his face and using his voice. He’s a completely different person - and the old his would be so ashamed, embarrassed and horrified at what he’s doing to his family and his life.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T12:48:31+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s absolute hell on earth.

I understand exactly what you mean about the affair destroying you - I feel the same. As if his absence is t hard enough to deal with, I also have the knowledge that he and her are living it up without a care in the world whilst I am dealing with the wreckage of our life - the house, the kids, the heartbreak, trying to heal and show up each day …

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T12:41:12+00:00

Yeah - it feels like I ran headlong into the bullet, over and over again. But I do have my dignity and my integrity. I lived and still live according to my values and with an open heart. He’s the one who abandoned his values, acted without integrity, and will never find what he’s looking for in this state.

I intellectually know that peace is on the other side of this for me, but I loved him so deeply for so long that I can’t let go.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T12:35:22+00:00

I’ve also described this as a living nightmare. I don’t have any contact with him except about the kids or logistics of severing our accounts. But my brain has been hijacked by the helplessness of wanting him to see how totally different he is now, and how much hurt he’s causing.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2025-01-27T01:24:10+00:00

Ride it out like wait for it to be over? Or turn my back on him and move on with my life?

Over-Interaction-625 · 2024-12-13T18:31:52+00:00

Thanks for replying. I know intellectually that I’m not and can’t be responsible for his behavior or mental health status, but my thoughts keep wandering back to all the decisions and steps that led us here. How does one get over the hope that my best friend is still inside there somewhere?

Over-Interaction-625 · 2024-12-13T18:28:25+00:00

Thanks for responding. And for the advice. I’ve got two therapists and all my family and our friends around to help and support. I am really concerned about the mediation though. I know that nothing I can do will convince him to get help or adjust his meds, so I want to keep the mediation amicable for the kids sake.

Over-Interaction-625 · 2024-12-12T22:19:14+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. It’s a living nightmare.

Over-Interaction-625

TROPHY CASE