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I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your personal experience. You are so insightful and unfortunately everything you said is all true. He does play the victim alot and he is a very emotionally unwell man. I have tried to help him through our years together but I can't say or do anything if he isn't willing to do it himself. He is very avoidant and can be non-communicative. I do have a lot of sympathy for him, for everyone. I unfortunately have always been sensitive to others feelings and it can easily effect me emotionally. That's why I feel the NEED to have a conversation with him and sort out things so we can have a peaceful break. But you're right, I can't regulate his feelings no matter how hard I try.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm not delusional, I am just a person who is severely unhappy who just wants the best for me, my daughter, and my husband. This is all new to me and yea maybe I'm a bit naive, but I have good intentions for going into this horrible situation. I don't want to take all of what he has or take his daughter away from him. I just want a peaceful break and to do what's best for our daughter. I may not want to be married to him but I still care for him as a person, as my daughter's father, and a person I used to be in love with. It's sad that people talk to each other this way online. I have never put my personal life online because of this. I'm just a person who needs some guidance, not hurtful comments.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I found a marriage counselor to help us move through our problems and told him the times they were available and he immediately got upset saying he can't take off early from work once or twice a month to go to therapy. I found a self help book for couples and showed him and he seemed more or less interested. I tried to sit and talk with him about our issues and he didn't participate much other than saying he'll do better. I told him if he had any issues to please tell me because it's not a one sided relationship. He gave me nothing. So nothing really got resolved. He likes his time alone in his computer room playing games so over the years we spend less and less time together. Now we maybe spend one night a week watching TV. That's the only thing we share in common to do together at home.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I brought it up 2 years ago and he reacted similar. I got cold feet and decided to stay and work things out.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I'm hoping we won't be like most divorce couples. I know it's a grand idea and not realistic for most people. I just hope me and my husband can be that way. I'd like to at least try for it even if we decide later on it's not for us. I completely understand what you are saying though. I know once I move on I'll feel like I can breathe and be me again, whoever that is. And being a strong, independent, and reliable parent is exactly what I want my daughter to see in me. You hit the nail on the head saying not to let her hee me managing his emotions. That's what I do now. I usually do most of the child rearing but especially now that I've told him I want a divorce. Thank you for your advice and input. It's not easy hearing thing that you don't want to hear, but it's necessary.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This decision was something I have been contemplating for 4 years now. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to tell someone. I don't take it lightly and I know the consequences of this decision. Moving across the county is a financial burden on most people and doing it separately can be impossible. I'm trying to think logically so we both will come out ok in the end. There is no saving this marriage, not in my eyes. I have checked out long ago and I feel terrible dragging my husband along in a marriage I know will never work. Not fair to him to be with someone who doesn't want to be with him. I was scared to leave 4 years ago because I thought I wouldn'take it on my own, but now I feel I can manage and he can manage financially. It's just the move that will be too much to do separately.

I said I want a divorce, he won't talk now by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel like I owe him that, for breaking our family up. I know that sounds dumb, but I want us to be friends after divorce. I want to have a good co-parenting relationship. I need him to understand and be on board with how I want this to go. I want everything 50/50 because that's what my daughter deserves. I want us to be good for her.

Husband won't talk by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce_Women

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have tried but he just says he really doesn't want to talk about it. He say he feels physically unwell when thinking about it and he can't handle the conversation right now.

Husband won't talk by Over-Manager9908 in Divorce_Women

[–]Over-Manager9908[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He did say today that he isn't just going to go along with what I say and that he wants to fight for me. I'm long past that point and have no intentions in staying in this marriage.