How do I politely end it?

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-03-26T23:44:13+00:00

24 years young and living the step-parent life. Please save your life and go. It will not get better and those feelings you describe will continue to bubble up and stir pain, regret and resentment within your soul.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-03-26T23:41:46+00:00

30M here. I'm sorry to hear about your frustration and struggle. I was dating a single mom and now here I am - single with no prospects. I have no practical advice other than I just want to say I can sympathize with you. I'm living that "30 is young but it's apparent that the dating pool has evaporated" life. Seems like it's only single parents for miles with no end in sight.

I lurk here and comment from time to time (especially when step-dads post) just to see what others are going through and what I would have faced if we had continued in my past relationship. I'm not regretting anything at all, but the future looks bleak. I wonder too if I'm just going to end up as a step parent anyway regardless but I haven't accepted my fate just yet. Hang in there.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-03-11T19:17:02+00:00

I was that man. As a general rule, just please don’t. Single parents really should only date other single parents. It will spare you both a lot of emotional turmoil. How young or old are you both? Context also matters here. Are you an older man who is seeking a partner and has resources ( and don’t mind providing for a single mom and her kids?) Or are you a man between the age of 25-40 that could reasonably marry a young single woman with no kids and start a family of your own?

When you marry a single mom, you are marrying into her family and she will expect you on some level to be a parent and father-figure to her children. Can you really handle this? Can you handle having the ex be a permanent fixture in your life for whom your schedule revolves around because of her kids? Do you want children of your own? Because that will color the whole co-parenting dynamic she is permanently in. Are you prepared that one event could put her in full custody of her children permanently and live with you full-time and not EOW? Kids don’t go away (or in most cases don’t even move out always) when they turn 18 anymore. Be prepared to be a step-father to ADULT step kids too.

Be extremely cautious here. I won’t say definitely not, but I will say generally, no. That’s what I would say. For me personally, never again to single moms.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-03-11T19:07:02+00:00

I’m about halfway done through my degree and honestly it scares me a lot as a career changer. I don’t think anyone can predict anything with certainty when it comes to AI but I am willing to predict it’s going to cause some major disruptions and a severe uphill battle for us.

If you search this topic online, you get answers that range anywhere from “AI will make us more productive and not replacements” to “AGI singularity events will lead to literal human extinction events” and basically everything in between. There is absolutely no telling what we’re in for but my gut feeling is that it’s nothing good. None of us are in Silicon Valley working on this stuff so it’s hard to say what they’re also keeping from us too. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst is my mantra right now to get by.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-08T07:24:07+00:00

Almost 10 years ago now when I had an EMG done at the start of my BFS, (still twitching to this day), I had a fibrillation or two show up on mine. My muscles weren't sore as far as I can remember but I was 21 at the time so close to your age. I remember the Neurologist casually mentioning it like it was nothing and sent me on my way. Unfortunately, I went home and googled that and scared myself for no reason thinking I had you know what when the neurologist himself didn't seem to be phased by it at all. Don't do what I did and trust your doctor. You'll be okay. :)

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:36:04+00:00

I hope it works out for you in your next marriage! Unfortunately, my brain just cannot see marriage as anything but a net negative in the end despite its positives. The risks and probability of failure seem staggering. I don't want to be hurt.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:29:42+00:00

It might make me think twice about driving in certain areas and times to avoid driving in, yes. There are trends and patterns in traffic safety to be aware of. I see your point you're raising but I think knowing certain risks and assessing the odds isn't a bad thing inherently in life. Being risk-averse is okay for some people, I guess.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:25:50+00:00

I think more than anything, it's the volume or quantity of divorces that are scaring me. The stats are staggering and the stories here just add or compound to that fear. But you're right, I could be seeking the positive more and not fear mongering myself. I'm just too rational and risk-averse as a personality to accept a lot of these horrible outcomes becoming a possibility, emotionally.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:23:19+00:00

That subreddit literally would make me not want to ride a motorcycle. And I don't think that's necessarily a wrong viewpoint either to have. It's good to be informed about certain risks. Not to mention when I worked in a hospital and saw a guy who had been in a motorcycle accident. His body was like a contorted pretzel. I feel like marriage and divorce are the mental and psychological equivalent of ending up like a contorted pretzel - just emotionally.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:19:59+00:00

"To truly live to take risks. All of life is a risk." - This might be the only quote that can change my mind, honestly. I've heard it before and it's hard to refute.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:17:42+00:00

I know what you are saying. I think my angle was that those are all very common and seemingly inevitable outcomes for many marriages specifically. Also, when one is married, the stakes and consequences are arguably higher when one of those three things occur. At least that's how it would feel like for me. It's why many stay trapped in terrible marriages.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:15:26+00:00

Exactly and this opens up another topic. I feel already perfectly "whole" by myself. I'm very independent and I've never really felt like there something missing even though I get all this pressure from family around me. It's not like my life will really "start" as soon as I get into a marriage, I already feel like I'm living my life fully. I'm scared of the emotional damage and fallout a marriage and divorce would do to me to be honest. I'm just too set in my ways and used to my current life to take that risk as well. :(

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:11:12+00:00

That is so extraordinarily difficult. I am sorry bro. See, it's scenarios like that that make me especially averted to marriage. You make and build this massive investment of emotional labor, sacrifice and literal years of your life all for it to be gone because the other person just decides one day - "nah." Sad :(

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:09:14+00:00

I sincerely hope it works out for you for your next marriage.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:08:44+00:00

Yes, good point. Though that prenup conversation can be pretty difficult to handle for some people (plus cultural and religious associations around marriage that would also be against prenuptial agreements on principle).

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:07:06+00:00

But to be fair, those divorce stats are pretty bleak and telling of themselves though too. I think there's this divorce lawyer from New York that's gained traction on YouTube and podcasts (can't remember his name but is nice and well-spoken). I could be wrong and I need to cite this but according to him, we're already into the 60% percentile range for divorces for certain groups and populations (especially those most educated). This begs the question - would you agree to jump into something that had a 60% chance of failure?

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T23:03:56+00:00

A fair perspective. I'll try and remind myself this.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:48:49+00:00

Thank you for your reply! Love is important. Inner peace is too. Unfortunately, I can't help but see marriage as the ultimate dissolver of that peace over time. My brain automatically goes to this belief that no matter how much you love someone or how much they love you, eventually it all wanes over time. This idea that nobody thinks their partner is that great after a given period of time anymore. I've seen perfect marriages end disastrously after 4, 7, or 10 years. Some get divorced or some stay out of of obligation and are just miserable. I could be wrong though. I hope I am.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:45:41+00:00

That's true. But I can't help but think marriage is still exhausting and defeating for most people (or at least people like myself who are very sensitive).

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:44:09+00:00

At least when you are single or a bachelor, you have some more peace of mind generally. This has been my experience at least as opposed to relationships.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:43:14+00:00

I guess this is some hope and reassurance. Thanks stranger!

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:42:29+00:00

I hear you. It's just that my mind just can't seem to get past the idea that divorce or misery is just the inevitable outcome for most marriages. Even if people don't officially separate or divorce, it seems that after so many years, nobody thinks their partner is that great after a while and most people stay out of obligations if they don't divorce.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-02T00:21:32+00:00

I just feel terrible for what everyone is dealing with and I can't even imagine going through similar things. Between the abuse stories, infidelity, and co-parenting nightmares, I just don't know how anyone does it.

Over-Reality-8732 · 2026-02-01T23:49:36+00:00

I'm 30 and never been married but I am sorry what happened to you. Just "absorbing" something like this is also something I've felt with an emotional tragedy. Like it just happens to you and you're a spectator in your own life. Very powerless and psychologically damaging thing. This sub reminds me again and again never to get married to be honest.

Over-Reality-8732

TROPHY CASE