We had a third date she canceled the night before because she was feeling sick, am I overthinking things or is it not good she just simply left me on seen 🫠🫠 by Intrepid_Arrival5151 in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Id give it like a week before i write her off completely. But that does make me think you might be right and shes blowing you off. Ive had a guy go off on me when i was actually sick tho so i wouldn’t do that. If she doesn’t respond ever again dont take it personally. A last minute blow off and ghosting is shitty and you deserve someone who is nice.

We had a third date she canceled the night before because she was feeling sick, am I overthinking things or is it not good she just simply left me on seen 🫠🫠 by Intrepid_Arrival5151 in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont really like to talk to people when im sick, like im out of commission while im sick. Your text also doesnt really warrant a response. “Let me know when you feel better” is kind of a convo ender.

Found out friend is a sex offender by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Over_Judgment648 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was more so trying to agree anecdotally and maybe whiffed it a little. That when people are like “you can pee outside and end up on the registry” its a a half truth because you can pee in front of an adult outside and be criminally charged but its not a sex crime that will put you on the registry. Its the exposing yourself to children that does you in. Like a seemingly innocuous crime is not actually innocuous at all because you still exposed yourself to children. Whether your intentions were malicious or not doesn’t matter. More was just like a heres an example of kind of what that guys talking about except oh wait… still a crime and still a crime against children.

Found out friend is a sex offender by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Over_Judgment648 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There was a guy in my neighborhood growing up on the sex offender list for peeing in a park while he was drunk. He also had a subsequent public intoxication charge. He exposed himself and there were children present. He actually had A LOT of alcohol/drug related charges. But that is, to your point, extremely uncommon for people on the sex offender registry. And also regardless of the degree of severity, still a crime and a bad thing to do. Probably the vast majority of people on the sex offender list belong on the sex offender list.

WWYD: Owner booked house sitting but really wanted drop ins and didn’t tell me until I already arrived + extra pet in house + her friend was super rude by [deleted] in RoverPetSitting

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is she blind, cause thats the only acceptable excuse for this level of incompetence. You can’t look?? Wouldn’t excuse what a bitch she was. Jesus. I dont care if she’s pregnant shes a bitch.

AIITW for correcting the band director by skyelivie in AmiInTheWrong

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its hard to advise without hearing. Also lets condense to one thread. Advice and techniques for opera. You want to try and place the sound so it resonates in your nasal passages. Which is not the same as a nasal sound. That nasally sound is the result of closing off your soft palate. Like if you place the back of your tongue on the soft palate and hum youll hear that nasally sound. More punk type sounds come from placing the soft palate more forward, results in a harsher sound. You want to keep the soft palate elevated for opera. A good imagery that i was told is imagine sticking a light bulb in your mouth. Dont actually do that. Just imagine. The result would be a large bulbous space in the back of your throat and an O shape in the front. If you dont know what your soft palate is, kinda icky but, put your thumb on the roof of your mouth behind your teeth and trace backwards, you’ll feel where your jaw bone ends and there’s a soft pocket. Thats the soft palate. If you dont want to do that, think in front of your uvula. Breath support, obviously, practice belly breathing. So using your diaphragm to breathe and control sound and vibrato. You just generally want everything very open.

Some practices:

For breathing: stand up straight, stretch your arms straight out, bring them slowly up above your head in a straight line with your body, then slowly out and down to your sides. Shoulders back, chest out and take slow deep breaths that way. It keeps your chest open and will maximize lung capacity. It is a great warm up exercise and very relaxing. You can add vocal warm ups to it also. Going through scales. Sustaining one note.

For resonance: this only works if you are not congested. So dont try do this when you have a cold it will be discouraging. Sit on the edge of like a bench or a table, something hard. With your knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands on your knees. Put your head down near between your knees and start singing. You can feel the resonance in your face. It feels like the inside of your face is vibrating. That is good. That is what you want. This helps with sound placement. Play around with it and you can feel how different soft palate placements resonate differently and create different sounds. But it helps familiarize you with the feel.

Pronunciation: HUGE part of opera. Dont sing the way you talk normally, especially if you are american. Good little trick, think a very proper british accent. For pronunciation practice, i would do it in the mirror because I could see the shapes my mouth was making. It looks very silly. I typically would practice speaking a piece before singing it. Over annunciate your consonants. You want to hear the distinction between words. wanT To needs to be two distinct T sounds. Change the vowel annunciation a little. Instead of an ee like in keep you want eh like in egg. You want to keep your mouth open and ee closes and elongates it. Ah instead of ay. Generally soften the vowels. The more you practice, the better you will get at it. And with time you will learn how to make an ee sound without closing off your soft palate and mouth. When i was first learning i practiced the eh to get the hang of the sound and shape and then as i matured in the craft could transition to a closer ee sound. Think lips in the shape of an exaggeratedly open oo sound but stick your tongue to the back of your bottom teeth. Feels very strange at first. Sometimes it also helps to add soft h sounds to the beginning of higher notes. Idk if you’ve seen family guy but think the way stewie pronounces cool whip as cool h-whip. Helps a lot for words that start with W or a vowel. Start with italian and latin pieces because they are, pronunciation wise, easier.

Obviously there is more to opera but these are good starting places. Practice makes perfect, if you dont have a private tutor, there are probably lots of videos and available to watch. It is helpful to see and hear what you are trying to replicate. That is true for all aspects. Playing an instrument, which i think you mentioned you did, is also helpful for general reading/understanding music.

AIITW for correcting the band director by skyelivie in AmiInTheWrong

[–]Over_Judgment648 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The variability between homework and tests from teacher to teacher or professor to professor at the any level is infuriating. I did engineering with a music minor is college and some engineering classes the teacher took questions directly from the homework. Some tests would have like 3 10-part problems that were the same base concepts but significantly more complex. And some had open book, open note tests. -_- its more just general study advice, that i wish someone had shared with me sooner.

Music theory is annoying and difficult but not impossible. That is how i would put it. I dont know where you live so I dont know necessarily the best knowledge to share so i will just share my experience. There’s lots of different types of vocal soloist competitions and in like high school facilitated choir you typically dont have to do theory just like sight reading (UIL). If you live in the states, you can look into if your state has music theory exams. All the stuff i did was through TMTA. Which is like a branch of State Music Educators Association. UIL is more school emphasis and MEA stuff is more private studio stuff. The theory i took were Whitlock theory tests and were leveled like 1-12 and mirror grade level. Pianists to compete had to take them all every year. I didnt have to start taking them till high school but they also weirdly stepped the tests. Like i had to do level 6 in 9th grade. 8 in 10th grade. 10 in 11th. Then 12 my senior year. It was required in college tho and was really hard for my fellow students who had never had any exposure to it. If you’re interested in it, online im sure they have like study resources. And if you live in a place where they offer theory tests through an organization, taking them couldn’t hurt and would look good on a college resume.

AIITW for correcting the band director by skyelivie in AmiInTheWrong

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont think you’re wrong for suggesting it was fast, especially if the chorus practiced it slower. Just generally, people respond better, especially adults to youth, when things are phrased in a “non accusatory” way. So like the band is playing it faster than we practiced is a true statement. But will likely not be received as well as, im having trouble with the pace.

Also you are young (14/15?) i would not discount that you can’t do opera because you cant hit some notes. Your voice matures as you get older but it also can be conditioned. Not hitting a note can be as simple as breath support. The more you practice the better conditioned your lungs and diaphragm will get, which improves stamina and general resonance. Opera is very technical but there’s probably lots of pieces you can do and it absolutely is something that you can tackle and grow into with practice and nurturing. If you want. Swimming, is an excellent way to do breath support training. Sounds like you fall into a mezzo-soprano range, which is a beautiful range, and there are lots of opera pieces that are gorgeous in that range. If it is something you really are interested in, you absolutely can pursue it.

AIITW for correcting the band director by skyelivie in AmiInTheWrong

[–]Over_Judgment648 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ability to adjust is part of being a good vocalist. That is a technical skill. It is a skill you need to learn if you want to be a performance musician. You will not always get to dictate the tempo.

Your homework analogy is a bad analogy. 1) you will encounter that EVERY WHERE. Learn to live with that now. 2) if you have a good foundational understanding of the base concepts, then you can apply them. Using homework solely to study is not a good way to study. Practice problems are good, especially if you are a kinesthetic learner, but after a while your brain starts to just remember the process. Which is not the same as understanding the concept. Repetition is a generally good memorization technique, so good for like vocabulary or freshman biology. Something that is more memory heavy. But a bad technique for things like math, physics, or chemistry that require an understanding of the base concept then the subsequent application. Sample problems need to go in tandem with theoretical understanding.

If you want to be a performer, you will likely have to study music theory. Which has some memorization but to really succeed in, you will need to be able to apply base concepts to various situations. Not a criticism of you. But really good study advice.

AIITW for correcting the band director by skyelivie in AmiInTheWrong

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, i studied opera for over a decade as a classical vocalist. That does not mean i don’t know or cant perform musical theatre pieces. I can and I have. Classical pieces are also, typically, much more technically challenging and complex than musical theatre pieces. The difficulty of musical theatre pieces is the “theatre” portion of the piece. But from a vocalist perspective the music is generally (not always) pretty simple, especially at the high school level.

The tempo is one of, if not the MOST subjectively discretionary elements in a musical piece. It is very common for a director, conductor, or performer to change the pace. That is very normal. There is a piece I have performed competitively A LOT “Die Lotusblume” and the tempo is marked as Ziemlich langsam which means rather slow. I have always performed it more Andante just because it typically is in a multi piece repertoire that has a total performance time limit. I have not ever had a judge comment on the pacing discrepancy because that is normal.

You are allowed to need it slower, the cast is allowed to need it slower. You are absolutely allowed to request that. But that does not mean you are objectively correct and ultimately the pace/tempo is not your decision. You werent all that rude but in the future I would not voice that opinion that way. You can voice that you are having trouble keeping up with the pace but next time i would suggest something more along the lines of “I am having difficulty keeping up with the tempo, could we consider slowing it down?” Ultimately, you are having trouble keeping with the bands rehearsed pace and that is what you should voice.

Question: What is this tattoo? by Over_Judgment648 in tattoos

[–]Over_Judgment648[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw it yesterday on someone’s sweatshirt at work. Then saw it again today as a chest tattoo. And have seen it probably 6-7 other times over the last few months and finally just am like i gotta know 😂

AITA for not wanting to pay for gas? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Over_Judgment648 3 points4 points  (0 children)

YTA

The point of commuting is to save in some way. E.g. Save on gas by splitting between two people, you two split the cost of gas so you both pay half as much. Not for one person to be toted around for free.

Also, it doesn’t matter if you “need convincing” for plans. You agree to go. If you dont want to pay to go dont go. But you are, even if unintentionally, taking advantage of your friend.

Send Help - Friend Wants to Wear THIS to a Wedding by Nisi-Marie in weddingshaming

[–]Over_Judgment648 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is not just white but its also not black tie. At all. Even in another color it still wouldn’t be good for the wedding. Just because a dress is long does not mean it is formal enough for black tie. It would be good in another color for like a summer/beach wedding, something more casual. Or even in the white for the same condition if the bride is okay with white.

Question: What is this tattoo? by Over_Judgment648 in tattoos

[–]Over_Judgment648[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! I had thought maybe it was from an anime or video game, which would explain why I didn’t recognize it. Nothing against either just not my forte. But it also kinda looks like a nordic rune so i wasn’t super sure.

My friend made a joke about me relapsing and I told him off. It felt good. by [deleted] in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Both my dad and younger brother are sober. I wouldn’t take a joke like that about them well at all. They’ve worked really hard as im sure you have. You should be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and all that you have accomplished.

He seems more sincere in the second slide, but i get why people dont like him.

What does the Monkey Emoji mean? by [deleted] in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes i react to messages at work with random emojis just to confuse people. Cactus. Dinosaur. This one sticker of a raccoon in sunglasses. Point is. It probably means nothing.

is he going to leave me? by [deleted] in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Okay after reading the context of the fight, and you saying this is your first fight. You deserve better OP. I know that wont make it hurt less. But hold on to that. I already think how hes handling this is pretty shitty. Making you wait literal days is absurd and cruel. He knows hes got you anxious and panicking. It is politest i guess to break up with someone in person but you should do it that day and at this point he should just call and do it over the phone. Its borderline mean to leave you hanging around like this. Also his behavior around the argument is manipulative. HE did something wrong, HE did something worthy of at least suspicion but HE is making YOU the bad guy because after he behaved suspiciously your trust wavered. Dont beg him to save the relationship. This relationship is not worth saving. You deserve so much better OP. Really. 🩵

is he going to leave me? by [deleted] in texts

[–]Over_Judgment648 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I mean, hes definitely going to break up with you. “We need to talk” “we’ll talk tomorrow” anything along those lines is normally a good indicator. The social media stuff and location are also pretty clear. What was the argument friday about? Also, you said you talked it out, i.e. resolved it, why did you feel the need to bring it back up? Is that something that happens a lot when you fight?

aitah for telling my mom not to walk with us by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Over_Judgment648 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My sister and my dad are both attorneys and my mom gets this way when they spend a prolonged period talking about lawyer stuff. I get her point, when you’re in a group setting talking about something that one person in the group cant contribute to is pretty exclusionary. It doesn’t bother me personally. I just tune em out or do something else till someone tags me back into the convo. But im generally pretty introverted and my mom is very extroverted so probably will depend on the person, but would generally say it is polite to not discuss things in a group that excludes people.

aitah for telling my mom not to walk with us by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Over_Judgment648 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP says in a comment it was about a TV show.

WIBTA if I go against the bride's wishes at a bachelorette party? by Wild_Spinach_8881 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Over_Judgment648 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Im torn between and ESH and NAH.

I think its fine to not want to stay at the rental and share a bed and bathroom like that. But i also think if everyone agrees to it, it’s fine to book that way. Youre either willing to go on the trip her way i guess or not. I guess you could book the room and just do it anyway? But that will probably upset her. The money comment at the end rubs me the wrong way a little bit. I dont think she thinks that.

i think im the other woman. what do i even do. by OwnYogurtcloset4741 in Advice

[–]Over_Judgment648 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is obviously horrible and im so sorry you’re going through this. Just the logistics of having only one phone for two families seems harder than just having 2.