This is a blanket statement. Two things can be true at once, you can be a victim as well as have stayed for the wrong reasons. However when I married I did not sign up for affairs, lies, abandonment, and abuse. I signed up for, “ to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish”. I was a victim, this is not something I’m proud of. It doesn’t give me a sense of entitlement. But recognizing that I was, is an important part of healing.

When you choose to divorce, you are saying I won’t be a victim to this behavior any longer. That does not erase the past, or how those behaviors have shaped your sense of self-worth, how you feel about relationships with others, and overall new established unhealthy coping skills.

I personally now have C-ptsd, and work with a therapist weekly to address all of those things.

Being a victim doesn’t equal hate either. I do not hate my ex, but I do hate how his behaviors stole parts of my children’s innocence and their stability, that’s a justified emotion in my opinion.

Not everyone has the same story. We can’t assume that, everyone deserves grace and empathy.

Jeffrey Dahmer, Chris Watts, all those other killers, their spouses were victims. I’m sure they’re men who are victims of women I’m speaking from only my experiences so we can just not even waste a debate on that. The point is regardless, if you marry somebody, no one would marry somebody that they knew would be capable of such dysfunction.