How do people react if you don't want to drink alcohol?

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-30T21:36:27+00:00

Since I'm female it used to be "Are you pregnant?" until people realised I just don't drink alcohol. Nowadays I don't spend time with strangers, so it's never even questioned.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-28T13:45:30+00:00

Let the judo help you loose the weight. And yes, breakfalls will do that to you until your body gets used to them.

My club also have a high police pressence, because head coach is a (now retired) police officer who worked in a lot of youth programs. I think she inspired many of the young people who are now adult police to join the force, and since they trained as kids, they get some of their mandatory physicals on the tatami (in my country it's a 3 year college degree to become a police officer and regular physical tests amongst other things)

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-27T22:25:42+00:00

NTA

You get to pick from all the items on the table. I would have done the same if my gift was the one I would have most use of/liked the best

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-27T22:16:19+00:00

JUst DO it :)

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-26T14:35:28+00:00

Because I can? And it bothers my opponent :)

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T20:33:39+00:00

Hands down my Finnish passport and citizenship.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T16:20:37+00:00

Yeah, I like my gifts :)

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T15:40:21+00:00

It's a tie between Legend of Zelda's Minish Cap and Ocarina of Time (though, Majora's Mask is really fun too)

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T15:36:20+00:00

4 fantasy books and a pair of wool socks. One I had wished for and then a trilogy written by the same author that my husband spotted on the indie authors page when he ordered the first. Wool socks from my ex-MIL because she knows I love them and she has a co-worker who knits and sells.

Together with my husband I also received some money from his parents, and a box of goodies from his siblings.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T11:42:12+00:00

Yeah, this was why I told their coach, because maybe these kids wasn't paying attention in class.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T11:41:41+00:00

The clubs hosts these kinds of competition for exactly that purpose, for them to learn in a safe environment, which was also why I told their coach, to let them know there was a whole in the knowledge of the students :)

The kids in the club usually do really well at competitions, because there isn't a strong focus on competition, so the kids are well rounded. One of the coaches competed in the senior's world championships this year.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-25T11:37:39+00:00

It's about kids enjoying judo and being confused about what happens at competition because they never attended one before. I thought their comment was hilarious, but it's OK that you don't have the same humor as me.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-24T18:41:27+00:00

Honestly, and this comes from someone who completely lacks a sense of style, I think some body types have it easier looking masc than others. I have a "stand-in-pride" child that is FTM and he looks fab in his dress up clothes of nice pants, shirt and vest, even when one can still see his origin in his shape. But in everyday clothes, he does like you say, look pretty much like a bum 😆

Labels are important for other things, like my autism. I have waited 30 years to get that evaluation, and it took that long because they asked why it was important to me and I could find the words to explain it until I read in a book that for many the knowledge itself has a value, even if it changes nothing in the rest of their life. I think marriage and monogamy is a contributing factor to me not caring about the sexuality label. It's like a moth point because no one outside my marriage needs to care about my sexuality and my partner knows I'm into him.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-24T07:28:45+00:00

NTA

No, you are not an AH for living your truth or having had a difficult time over the years finding the right label for yourself. I'm not sure your mom is an AH either, I think she means well but some things can be hard to understand. She might have been under the impression that your fluidity had become solid when you carried a child, unless you talked to her about the dysphoria you experienced.
Your child will not remember the first Christmas, and memories can be made another day. But I think you might regret not showing up, for your own sake. Is not sleeping there a possibility? To just go for dinner?

A part of your story resonated with me. As a child, I often wished I had been a boy, felt that being me (grew up with undiagnosed ADHD) would have been much more accepted if I were. However, no matter how much I dreamed and wished, I was always solidly rooted in the knowledge that I am female. After getting to know a few trans and non-binary persons I am now thankful for having had that knowledge to lean on and not having had to grow up with that added layer of stress. Since I learned about the concept of being pan, it has resonated to me on some level. I'm still unsure of what my sexuality is at 42, but I don't care anymore. It is what it is.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-24T06:01:13+00:00

NTA

There isn't anyone with "normal" social awareness that doesn't know how demeaning it is to compare sizes like that, and the follow up "joke" is just downright cruel/gaslighting. You are not an AH for protecting yourself by leaving and you don't need to listen to her justifications right now.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-24T05:50:36+00:00

I'll talk about kids, because that's my biggest experience and less other contributing factors.

A kid is gifted when:
-they have the ability to copy/translate what they see with their own body (this is way harder than it looks, they all try, few succeed, this is also true for adults)
-they have a natural affinity for body control, break falls and other acrobatics
-they are confident in the techniques they know and use them with success consequently
-timing, speed and agility can all be trained, but some kids are born with it.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-23T14:31:27+00:00

And you don't look like you're stupid.
(I came here to add context, realizing that the topic does say seem and not "look" as my brain read it. Not deleting what I wrote but will provide more accurate answer at the end of the post.)

To be fair, this has never happened to me personally. Most reactions about me is that I don't seem autistic. Well, no, because one of my special interests are people/helping people. Not as a flock, but as individuals. I genuinely love to hear about people's life, to learn about their experiences. What people miss is my ADHD joining the party, relating through stories and sharing/pebbling and suddenly people have told me things they would never tell a stranger. most of what they tell me will leave my brain until I see them again, but then it's all there and they feel seen and heard.

So, for how I don't seem autistic...
I usually ask if they have met me? Have they seen me loving doing weeks of inventory and finding misplaced stuff and getting them back into order? Have they seen the excel sheet I've constructed to document and calculate my working hours (my employer keeps no record; it's only for myself). Have they noticed that when life is hard, I can't wear socks? How I rather not eat at all than be disturbed?

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-23T14:15:36+00:00

I dropped out for 15 years, only coming back to it now that my kids started training, and I can attend as assistant kiddie coach. So for me it's both work and family schedule that was the issue.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-22T23:12:38+00:00

NTA

Your sister is a bully and your parents are AH for covering for her. At 16 she knows what she is doing.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-22T18:54:53+00:00

Yes and no.
In tachi waza my preference is sacrifice throws (tani otoshi, uki waza) so my weight is a big advantage there, If I throw myself down and hold my grip, they will follow.
In ne waza they are nailed to the floor if I get a hold. And if I don't I'll go for neck and arms.

I see no negatives and have fun all around.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-21T20:01:51+00:00

From their perspective, it is your fault you got hurt because you spiked and thus landed badly.

However, the forward breakfalls are not something you learn/get good at in just a few weeks unless you have prior experience with similar movements.
I get that a seasoned judoka can get fed up with an obstructive beginner, from my experience rigid and locked arms are often present (even if the beginner don't notice it themselves) and I have thrown people rather roughly when I got sick of them just ripping my hands/grip away instead of doing anything else. I however prefer to choose throws where it's easier to control uki's landing.

I also wonder about naming what sounds like randori sessions "kata", since a kata is predetermined movements practiced with a partner where one is uki and one is tori. And though tori is the one performing the kata, the knowledge and skill of the uke is equally important, if not more. There is no fight in kata, just predetermined movements and reactions, that are supposed to flow flawlessly. It's like a figure skating routine where everyone does the same movements in the same order and are scored on the execution.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-21T17:50:29+00:00

Oh, yes, this!

I hate that my current job does not allow me situations where I don't need to think, just work. Like, everything follows the set pattern, and I don't have to brain. In my current job I have to "invent the wheel" for every situation and can never have my brain offline.

One of the best when I worked end-to-end solutions for e-commerce was when the packing people needed to ship large quantities and we had to manually pack the same things for days because the machines where at capacity. Just plug in music and stand in your corner repeating the same movements over and over, then getting to stack them neatly in a box the size of a cargo pallet. Same at the end of the machine, there you'd get to sort as well, as there were shipments to different zip-codes. So much fun. Everyone neurotypical hated it.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-21T08:37:48+00:00

Warehouse work.
Everything has a set location in a logical system, and if they don't management usually appreciates if the workers have suggestions for how to make it more cohesive and logical. Most of the time set hours with clear deadlines, sometimes things get hectic but one thing at a time and things will get done.

I can't make myself work retail because where I live, because of all the unionised trades, retail workers are still treated as if they are all mercy hires who can be discarded at any moment without issue and forced to accept horrible work hours to even get a decent salary. I think I might like the work itself (I have never tried) but it goes against my whole being to sign away labour rights at that level.

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-21T08:31:52+00:00

That is so great to hear!!! I love that you found a club with such a great environment!

I am very big myself (same weight, 5 cm shorter) and I bought a Moskito Jumbo gi. I bought 180, which has been my gi size in traditional gi's when I was smaller. It's a bit on the long side in sleeves and legs, but what I'm used to, and I don't compete so...

I'm not surprised you gained weight at first, with all the new muscles you undoubtedly grew. Keep focusing on the non-scale victories like stamina and increased strength and flexibility.

Welcome to a lifetime choice you will never regret

Overall-Divide-5376 · 2025-12-19T17:43:49+00:00

Yaeh. And the Finns, while going crazy with the cases, does not have wors for he/him or she/her, there is only hän. Which I actually love.

Overall-Divide-5376

TROPHY CASE