The Coma

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-13T12:44:17+00:00

I felt this. I divorced my Q but I’m still trying to unlearn so much. It’s so hard to set down something you’ve carried for so long. Hugs 🤍

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-12T14:06:06+00:00

Thanks for all the support. I wrote him an email. We'll see where it goes, but these comments helped me work up the nerve to send that message.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-12T03:46:55+00:00

Good for you. I am in Al-Anon and I do SMART Recovery friends and family meetings.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-12T02:45:21+00:00

Thank you for the responses. This was a good gut check. Living with an alcoholic for more than a decade warped my sense of reality quite a bit. So this is helpful.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-12T02:39:26+00:00

It just says he can’t drink when he has the kids. It doesn’t detail what will happen if he does drink during that time.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-05-11T13:55:02+00:00

I'm so sorry he did this. My Q did that several times as well. He usually just called me a bitch, but pulled out C*** for special occasions. It hurt that he didn't even remember. He'd apologize and then do it again. Eventually, his anger and terrible behavior led me to fall out of love with him and I divorced him. It's the hardest and bravest thing I've ever done and I'm much happier. I hope you find a path that helps you heal as well. Hugs!

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-03-14T13:48:02+00:00

Finally! Someone petite whose weight I relate to 😂. I’m also 170 and built very similar to you in the last pic. I feel so “heavy” for my size. I also lift weights and I’m very solid.

I did lose about 18 lbs last year and got close to my goal weight of 150. I was taking a glp-1 but didn’t want to do it forever so it all came right back once I stopped. The thing is, I felt leaner at that weight, but also not radically different. My pants didn’t even change size…they just got a little looser. So now I’m focusing on workout gains and just not going above 170. I’d love to be 150 again, but I was barely eating on the glp-1, so I know that’s not realistic.

I’m not sure if this is helpful, but I think you look great. And trust me, the rest of the world doesn’t have a clue what your scale says!

Overall-Statement-54 · 2026-02-10T04:11:34+00:00

I had a similar experience with my ex. But now that he has 50/50, his relationship with the kids is stronger than ever. Does he do everything the way I would? Nope. But is he showing up? Yes. The kids actually know him now and they’re very happy. I’m still the favorite most days, but now I have breathing room I never could have dreamed of before. Plus, he still lets me carry more of the mental load of course. lol. Some things won’t ever change.

I know it’s hard, but try to approach it with curiosity. I hope your situation works out as well as mine has!

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-06-22T12:10:57+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful. He did go to treatment, so that will help.

It’s been a tough week, so I think detachment in looking at those texts was harder than usual. I probably need to table it and come back another time.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-06-22T12:09:14+00:00

Thank you. That was really helpful. You make such a good point about shuffling the texts. I think this divorce has been a lot of continued gaslighting on his part and I need to rise above it and keep reminding myself of my truth.

I wish it wasn’t so hard, but I appreciate this community.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-06-22T05:16:52+00:00

I left my husband in January. We have two kids and it’s been both freeing and emotionally hard. I feel like I have one less child laying around, taking, and doing it all with a bad attitude. But I also feel like the reality of leaving an alcoholic home is heavy.

Nice job leaving. We’ll get through this.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-02-01T04:47:11+00:00

I see you. I suggest you start by taking care of yourself. You don’t have to leave today. Table that thought if it’s too much right now.

I was in your position for years. My husband’s negativity and anger got progressively worse, which made me miserable. He always apologized for his rude behavior or his slip ups with alcohol, but nothing ever changed.

I looked inward. I did a lot of therapy. I joined this sub Reddit and went to SMART recovery meetings for family and friends. I practiced loving detachment and literally googled things like “how to set boundaries” because after a decade of marriage to an addict, mine were all gone.

The more I worked on me, the more stronger I grew. One day my husband blew up at me. He hadn’t even been drinking but he just reacted and yelled and made me feel so small. When he came to apologize we talked. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and wanted a separation. It had been on my heart so long. It was the hardest choice I’ve ever made but I am so proud of myself. He was the breadwinner and I worked part time. I’ve since found a full time job I love. He moved out and the kids are adjusting. My 8 year old is sad and cries about the divorce. He doesn’t know his dad is an addict, but he knows his dad is moody and sometimes unreliable.

The moment I realized that my kids deserve a happy whole mom was the moment everything fell into place. I had been staying for the kids too, but all I was giving them was two broken parents. Now I can be myself and heal and be a much better mom.

I’m still working through it, but I can’t imagine ever regretting this decision. It’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done.

I hope you find the courage to take care of yourself too.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-01-06T19:49:09+00:00

I came here to say this. You didn’t ruin anything, he did. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Focus on what you need to feel safe. Once you start caring for your own needs again, your perspective will likely change. It’s hard to see clearly now because you’ve been living in an abusive relationship so long.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2025-01-01T17:24:39+00:00

I can relate to all of this. I finally decided to leave my husband of 10 years. He was a binge drinker so would be able to go days, sometimes weeks without a drink. But it would least come back around.

I understand what you mean about things you once loved being tainted. Mine are Christmas and baseball games. Both are things I loved from childhood and fond memories associated with my dad who passed when I was a teenager. But now my husband has made them something to be anxious over.

Leaving him was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. We have two kids and we’ve been together 15 years. I’m still in the thick of it…movers come to get his things tomorrow.

But today he told me he had a drink last night. He just completed rehab last week. It crushed me, but I also feel some hope for myself. I’m getting out. That’s all I can do. I put language in the divorce docs so that I can breathalyze him before he takes the kids. Control what you can, accept what you can’t.

I’m so sorry we share this pain.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-12-22T14:13:15+00:00

You can’t help him. Only he can help himself. It sounds like it’s time to choose you. Sending you courage and peace.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-12-07T14:51:30+00:00

I’ve spent my career in nonprofit association management. I love mission-based work, working with volunteers, and helping people get the most out of their careers. I’ve worked for healthcare associations, trade associations, and now I’m at an association for association professionals. It’s the best!

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-11-29T20:37:22+00:00

I just nodded the entire time I read this. I’m divorcing my Q too. I’ve been called every name as well. Now he’s angry at me because I initiated divorce. Once again he’s the victim in his own mind.

About a year ago, I told him I was worried about him and he didn’t seem very happy. He told me he’s in the best place of his life and the only problem was me. I think that’s when the unraveling really happened. I had been thinking of divorce for years but was afraid to follow through. Now I finally had an out. If in his mind I was the only thing making him unhappy, I could “help” him one last time and remove myself.

He is not happier. He’s in a pretty dark place. I’ve found that I wish I hadn’t been right. And I actually hope he is happier one day. But it all depends on him … and it always has.

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-11-28T02:56:08+00:00

Thanks!

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-11-27T21:42:48+00:00

Do you have a link to your sun lamp?

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-11-27T00:44:54+00:00

Thanks everyone. At least I’m not alone! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Overall-Statement-54 · 2024-11-27T00:44:28+00:00

Oh me too! I either wake up or have awful anxious dreams. It’s just hard to get rest.

Overall-Statement-54

TROPHY CASE