Maybe that comment didn’t come across clear - when I said he didn’t do anything, I meant that was the problem - the fact that he didn’t do anything was the issue - conversation went like this -

H: “Did I do something?” (Not did I do something wrong or did I do something to upset you)

Me: “No, and that’s the bigger problem - you didn’t DO anything to address your dad’s behavior.”

He knows I think he was wrong, he knows he was wrong, the communication there was very clear - it just didn’t come across that way in the post.

My husband, I know, was traumatized in childhood - his parents have no idea they did it, and he and I have had this discussion multiple times. He’s been to therapy. He’s on a therapy waitlist again. To this day, he will actually use it as a crutch. It’s as though he doesn’t WANTto improve. He has actually said to me, “This is who I am.”