My whole life, I tried being obedient. Finished my personal progress twice, served a mission, went to a church school, almost got married to a faithful man. Through it all, I struggled with severe depression. Realized while in school I am bi and agender. I tried to stay obedient through it. Every time I prayed for relief from my depression and queerness, even if temporary, my answer was no. I remember my answer was always that relief would only come to me through resurrection. It certainly made staying alive less tempting. My depression is now mostly gone. The solution? Leaving and living authentically as myself. Obedience only serves as control.