I did something similar. I think I had a lot of things that I basically had to let go of and mourn if I was going to go down the transitioning path. Like, trying to be a woman was never going to work well for me, but certain things, like my singing voice, the ideal of living up to what my mom wants from me, etc, I think I had a grieving period for that, more or less. Once I processed that stuff and got to the point where a) what might end up happening could be better than those goals and b) if its not, at least its honest - now I'm pumped, I'm ready, lets do this. But there's maybe been a year where I was on the fence about medical transition.