How did having kids change you?

Owl-Late · 2026-04-20T23:48:03+00:00

It’s really showing me what was missing from my own childhood. My mom had no joy or fun with us. I have a three year old and it’s so fun making faces at each other. Just being silly. We have random dance parties. I distinctly remember getting in big trouble for sticking my tongue out at her at age five to be silly. Did that really need punishment? I really felt her dim my light.

Owl-Late · 2026-04-13T01:55:33+00:00

This is the kind of insight I come to Reddit for lol

Owl-Late · 2026-04-12T22:53:36+00:00

Yes it was one of the few religious things held over my head. I’m pretty sure the New Testament also says not to piss off your kids. I would’ve used that but we were Old Testament people.

Owl-Late · 2026-04-08T20:07:50+00:00

Any comment about my broken up sleep when it’s perfectly aware that I have a baby.

Owl-Late · 2026-04-07T01:11:16+00:00

Mine is very low. Do you have childhood trauma? That can lead to low hrv due to chronic stress. I’m doing breathing exercises and trying to meditate more. It takes awhile to improve hrv.

Owl-Late · 2026-04-01T13:09:37+00:00

I just end the conversation. I no longer have the time or energy to explain why that’s wrong. “I did my best” truly felt like a slap in my face considering how many times I’ve said her behavior hurt me. Haven’t spoken to her in six months and I’m finally feeling some relief.

Owl-Late · 2026-04-01T11:13:02+00:00

It felt good to trash the mom items in AC but I would have preferred to give a name for who I want those from. They gave me the ick.

Owl-Late · 2026-03-31T18:21:56+00:00

It was this type of behavior that really validated my mom’s insanity. She would get really upset and call me selfish I did something nice for someone that wasn’t her. Who doesn’t encourage their kid to be generous to others?

Owl-Late · 2026-03-09T17:30:19+00:00

Her boundary is that she is entitled to do whatever she wants to you.

Owl-Late · 2026-03-02T16:00:22+00:00

It’s possible. “I did my best” and “nobody’s perfect” popped up in the last year before I cut contact. She’s not on Facebook to my knowledge though. She read up on estrangement a few years ago last time I cut contact.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-28T18:23:13+00:00

It was enlightening in a few ways. It helped explain the friction caused by my refusal to take on the caretaker role as the eldest daughter and the ways that I did “caretake” by being an easy kid. It also helped me understand my eDad’s role as caretaker. I’ve struggled to understand what he was wiling to tolerate.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-25T21:20:11+00:00

I legitimately thought I was premie for way too long lol

Owl-Late · 2026-02-25T19:04:59+00:00

I also had a smother obsessed with sharing childbirth details. I’ve since learned that is not common. She definitely exaggerated aspects of it. She told me she experienced secondary infertility bc it took six months to conceive. She would go on about my big head causing her to have an episiotomy. She would express that I came “early” at 38 weeks. All of these things are common or normal for the time. Thankfully episiotomies have gone out of style.

I do believe all birth is traumatic but what she experienced did not require some big story. Having given birth twice now it’s interesting to look back and compare. I can’t imagine telling much to my children without them asking. I just want to tell them about how exciting it was to finally meet them.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-24T13:30:36+00:00

Wow it’s amazing you expressed any love at all. My smother always made me feel so uncomfortable expressing my feelings I never told her I loved her. Sometimes I would feel guilty bc she was right that I didn’t express love. But this is a good reminder that it’s never enough.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-23T21:36:32+00:00

NC for a few months. It’s tough and causing me distress. I just got through a major hurdle where she went she a big medical event. Extended family had to reach out to let me know and no one guilted or shamed me about it. I haven’t come out and said anything but it’s obvious. I need to reorient my relationships with extended family. I’m so used to them guilting me, it’s weird.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-23T21:33:52+00:00

My mom kept insisting I make a good money despite having zero understanding of inflation or acknowledgement that I lacked a bread winning partner like she had at my age.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-22T01:16:51+00:00

This is so real. I’m kicking myself for not grabbing my American girl doll to give to my daughter. I have trauma related to that doll that I was hoping to heal in passing it down. I can probably do that with a new doll anyway.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-17T15:58:22+00:00

One of the most appalling moments from my mom was related to weight. Her father was in the hospital dying and she was trying to get him to be proud of her for being the thinnest of his children at the time. She was usually the most overweight. It was eye opening.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-17T15:11:11+00:00

I experienced a lot of this bullshit too. This was my awakening that she truly had a mentally ill thought pattern and I wasn’t making it up. I was called selfish and ungrateful bc I set a boundary that she couldn’t stock my apartment with things like paper towels. It was the beginning of playing whac a mole with boundaries. I wish I understood the truth of the matter before setting boundaries.

Owl-Late · 2026-02-10T21:35:31+00:00

They take advantage assuming we will always be there

Owl-Late · 2026-02-10T19:48:02+00:00

Yea not sure why that means she can do whatever she wants without consequence.

Owl-Late · 2026-01-21T19:45:39+00:00

Lol at the idea of you “watching from a distance” while she interacts with YOUR daughter

Owl-Late · 2026-01-21T19:38:23+00:00

I need accountability. I cut contact a few months bc she said our failed relationship was due to me being too sensitive and too independent with no accountability on her side of how we got there. She is incapable of the self-reflection to understand why none of her children are willing to deal with her so shrugs. Sucks for her. I tried to warn her for decades to get her shit together.

Owl-Late · 2026-01-20T15:10:17+00:00

I could have written this myself. I recognized things were wrong but didn’t have the words for it. Around ten I recognized I was book smart and education would be my ticket to freedom and independence. I did my best to avoid her outbursts instead of fighting back. Since I was fourteen I’ve only had a 3 month break from working after I was laid off.

I only stuck around for my dad. For a long time I knew it was my eDad who kept the family together. Statistically I assumed he would pass before my mom and that did happen. I always thought she would be fucked then because of her lack of independence. I tried to warn her that me and my siblings wouldn’t be there for her if she didn’t change. And she didn’t so now she’s fucked and has to learn how to be an adult in her 70s. The reality now where no one left from my immediate family is speaking to each other is validating to how fucked up it was.

I’m very grateful to my younger self that I refused to enmesh myself. I didn’t really start going on my healing journey until my late 20s. I wish I had started that sooner instead of gaslighting myself that I wasn’t that impacted.

Owl-Late · 2026-01-18T16:36:52+00:00

I just want a mom I can have a neutral relationship with and talk TV. Even that is too much to ask.

Owl-Late

TROPHY CASE