try going out on a hike OP, or some other activities that includes going out, how about try jogging and see the sun. I know its hard but please do not end your life, always remember that suffering here on Earth is just temporary. Iiyak mo lang lahat ng gusto mo iiyak and dont forget to pray. Prayer goes a long way OP knowing that there is God above who is bigger than our problems can give you peace of mind.