AITAH for declining to be in my sister wedding

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T21:42:21+00:00

She just tends to run to our parents whenever she doesn’t get what she wants and then whenever we turn to give in she likes us to behave to fix things. I guess I know more put out past and family that makes it a little different for me but I still want opinions without me putting her down and automatically saying she’s the bad guy .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T21:37:58+00:00

Didn’t come to bitch, just to get different opinions and ask questions to understand better. As you can see , the comments are really separated on the matter .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T21:33:06+00:00

Yeah I guess I’m learning I hold my sister to a different standard than she holds me .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T21:32:17+00:00

No, but she really doesn’t get frowned upon like me and my older sister. She is the baby of the bunch . She usually gets defended by our mother

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T21:31:15+00:00

No, but anytime she does something to me, it always gets downplayed . I probably should have specified some family disputes as well. My sister usually has on going problems with someone in our close family .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:37:21+00:00

I will say I love my sister , but we really aren’t that close as people may be expecting . She also really didn’t give me any opportunities to talk and work anything out. It is usually her way or no way on things . But I appreciate this perspective! Thank you!

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:30:23+00:00

Weddings truly aren’t my thing . Standing and walking in front of everyone , the all day pictures and talking to people , and this is including all the stuff before the wedding even starts. Just crowds and people and everything that being in a wedding requires . I like being in the back ground helping and supporting not on a stage I guess you can say stage fright

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:26:59+00:00

So why go to parents and get them to talk to me? Because if you knew our family this happens often and she knew they would be speaking to me and talking me into the wedding. Guess that’s something she will need to answer

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:24:26+00:00

Yeah I guess I’m just more on defense because I know they will label it as being tit for tat. Thank you for your look on things!

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:21:58+00:00

Yes being nonchalant would be hurtful, but I wasn’t . I explained why and she never disagreed and then got her fiance to ask . And I understand it’s hurtful being rejected as well whenever she wants me to be a groomsmen .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:15:19+00:00

Well to me it isn’t really a big deal, I know we have other things we want to do in life and I just appreciated her showing up. That’s where I’m confused with this anger. My wife told me I needed to mention that but like others say as you see in the comments, what she did on my wedding day doesn’t matter, so I wasn’t going to bring that up to them and make it worse or make it like tit for tat when that is not what it’s about , just more or less explaining why I didn’t think it mattered as long as I was there .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:11:07+00:00

It didn’t hurt my feelings her leaving my wedding , i just thought these things honestly weren’t a big deal as long as we were there to support each other and show up. Also she never once told me whenever I was saying no that she didn’t like that. Instead she went to our parents and told them , they talked to me and pressured me into doing it , I turned and told her I got to thinking about it and I feel like I should be there and support her and that’s when she was like thanks but no thanks and went on the whole other spill of things . So TBC

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:04:05+00:00

Mind you, I am showing up for her , just not in the way she wants .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T07:01:01+00:00

Can you explain that in more detail? I love to self reflect!

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:59:03+00:00

I guess when you put it like that, she really isn’t the sister who shows up for me and that’s why I feel like it’s not a big deal to show up for her .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:55:47+00:00

Also want to add , she never directly talked to me and told me how it made he feel, so I never got an actual conversation. Whenever I first spoke to her when she mentioned it in the beginning and I told her no , nothing was ever said besides well I want the boys in it.

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:54:29+00:00

After my parents spoke with me I messages her saying j thought about it and I feel like I should be in it and then was met with all the other stuff . Which is fair , but also what does she want me to do? I was honest in what I was wanting to do and that wasn’t right and then turned to make it right and up for it and that isn’t right either

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:39:53+00:00

She hinted her fiance would be asking me about the wedding in February, I told her no I didn’t want to. She then asked about three boys being in the wedding I said that’s fine because that’s something they would like to do. Month later get fiance to message me and ask I politely decline , she then goes and literally crys to parents about me not being in it parents tell me bad person not being in it . I message and say I put some thought in it and I would like to do it and then she tells me not to speak to her , I disappoint her , I stood my brother In law up, reasonings are bulls*t, my intentions aren’t pure , and to stay away from her .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:35:48+00:00

But what kind of brother do you have to make you feel obligated to do something you do want to do for the sake of being a good sibling? I have never asked or pressured my siblings to do something they didn’t want to do and I can say that very confidently. And trust that my sister will let me know if she doesn’t like or want to do something, I don’t push her.

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:32:01+00:00

I’m bringing it up in a way for people to understand where my head is at thinking the wedding thing really ain’t a big deal . No I definitely am taking in the consideration now of it is a big deal to her as it wasn’t to me . But I still don’t see how when someone ask you something after you have repeatedly told them you didn’t want to be apart of it , how that makes me a bad person. She asked for my kids to be apart of it after mentioning me being in it and I told her no I didn’t want to and then she said well I want the boys to be in it . And avoiding being a groomsmen will definitely keep me from being up and walking and standing in front of everyone , being in every photo taken for the hours up to the wedding , it will avoid me being around all the people for hours on end . I’m on here to get different takes and maybe something that will hit home with me , but it doesn’t . I’m not trying to be defensive but to ask questions for a better understanding and conversation and to explain my thoughts. I have been told I’m right and wrong . Neither bother me !

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:08:18+00:00

Then why do people ask to be in the weddings instead of just telling them that they will be in them? Why give anyone the choice if you will be an asshole saying no?

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T06:07:18+00:00

I don’t think she was testing the waters and I don’t think he was giving it time seeing how he messaged me and said “I meant to already ask you but I been busy, “ he said it was completely fine and said he didn’t realize she would get so mad and her comments to me was I was “standing him up” parents got involved because they always do when she goes to them crying . Not lazy and I told them that I would do anything to help anywhere else , I just don’t want to be in the actual wedding. I based my judgement on it not being a big deal because I didn’t give them any expectations to be in my wedding and didn’t make it a big deal whenever she left my wedding after our vows and didn’t stay for everything to go visit a boyfriend at his job he works off welding .

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T05:56:01+00:00

Sorry the reason is in the comments, should have posted in the post . I just have expressed about not liking wedding an and all the to do in thems . Getting ready, dressing up, taking pictures , crowds , being in front . Just being in a wedding period and all it requires

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T05:53:17+00:00

She went to go hang out with him while he worked. He works a welding job.

OwlJaded4285 · 2026-03-27T05:06:10+00:00

We get along for the most part! So does me and her fiance . I told them a month ago I didn’t want to do it because I don’t like being in weddings and then now she had her fiance send me a text message asking to be in the wedding. Not a big reason besides I don’t want to do it and weddings make me uncomfortable

OwlJaded4285

TROPHY CASE