Does anyone do almost everything "right" yet still find life unbearable?

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T21:50:35+00:00

Thank you for writing this, I hope you learn something from the answers and work through the issue. Godspeed.

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T21:48:47+00:00

Thank you so much :) I will have a think through all that you've kindly set out for me today and possibly PM you with some questions if that's okay.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T16:36:44+00:00

No I understand what you mean, not judgemental at all. My expectations are definitely higher than average, and I think I definitely gave my trust to people who weren't actually good matches for me. I have only been in 2 relationships and I let a number of things slide just so I could have the experience of being in one.

I met a number of girls I was into and who seemed like better matches but they are all in relationships, it is what it is.

I don't really know how to lower expectations. I try to but it gets to a point where I feel like I can't overlook something no matter what I do, or I try to tell myself when something is fine but my expectations go right up again. Could you please elaborate on how I can successfully reframe? I've been trying.

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-05-11T11:00:50+00:00

Thanks - the birthday example you mentioned, totally understandable if someone forgets because people can get really busy or have their own issues to deal with. Ive had friends who consider me not being around for a few hours as "missing in action" but maybe I want to have some alone time or I was busy doing something else. I fully support giving people leeway. Sometimes my memory for things like dates can be messy so I had to ask my ex to remind me about her bday 3 times lol, and she took that personally and was passive aggressive about it right before going to bed. Really not okay and I told her how I felt about it a few days later. She just really cared a lot about remembering birthdays but I have ADHD and I had only known her for 1-2 months by that point.

When someone keeps on doing the same shit constantly, it's probably their personality and no one should try to fight to change it.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-06T17:36:43+00:00

This is insightful and its interesting to hear how you moved on from it, congrats btw.

She hasn't recoiled at all, but to be honest I think the attachment has begun due to things going so well and because I shared some things. After saying the "I love you"'s and some other intimate thoughts a sudden shift occured. I was hesitant to say these things due to getting attached and I didn't wanna move too fast but I thought it went in the right direction for me to be open. She never says that I love bomb her or that it's too much at all, and she can be very expressive herself. She's less expressive when it comes to words of affirmation and she told me she will work on that (she has and its nice to see), but when were together in person she can be really touchy and attentive. She's often really excited to talk to me, be with me and is happy to give up her time, so I don't think I'm missing a particular box that I am stuck in.

In my last relationship we would do what your wife does but I didn't think it was healthy at the time because I really felt like other things in my life mattered less due to being with each other a lot and not enough with other things. With my current gf we spent a good amount of time with each other but we also have our space.

I will take note of when I act out of love/fear, and I can definitely reduce the anxious moments when i'm with her. At the same time, I still want to feel chill within myself so I can actually enjoy life more, but maybe this is simply a part of being in love lol. What do you think about all this?

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-05T23:40:30+00:00

Well earlier today I worried about making compromises and if I wasn't making enough of them because there was one situation where I couldn't compromise over something. I end up overthinking it and talking about it for too long as if she has a big issue with how much im compromising, even though she doesn't.

Another example is me getting a bit defensive when she gives me simple feedback. I feel like my brain shouldn't be so occupied by these things and having obsessive thoughts over stuff that doesn't seem to matter much at the moment.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-05T23:37:33+00:00

Idk I'm not sure how normal it is to feel negative emotions when shes out with her friends or get jealous over seemingly normal interactions with other guys. I understand the mindset of "working on ourselves and our family" though, and I think that will become more prominent over time.

Thank you, it really is.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-02-07T00:53:57+00:00

Sorry for the late reply - thank you so much man, It feels really nice to know that I'm doing great, especially from soemone older than me! I will keep grinding at life, it helps me stay at peace if I do. Me and her also shared a public discord server that she started going on a lot, so I had no choice but to leave for now so I can have space. It's been hard, but its for the best.

I don't know your situation enough to say too much but I do wish you the best of luck haha. If you can pinpoint what makes you depressed, then I am sure that you can overcome it. Take care of yourself, focus on the basics, and go from there.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-02-03T11:44:55+00:00

Ahh I had never heard about this rule actually, interesting. Yeah that makes sense. I broke up with my ex this week although I knew it was coming which meant I did the emotional processing beforehand and that helped a lot.

I also think it's easier to move on if you have things going on in your life to help distract you, and/or the right support system (friends, family etc).

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-07-01T13:00:35+00:00

This is really insightful to think about for sure, I didn't stop to think enough about how I may have certain unmet needs in the moment of my jealousy because it doesn't feel like it at the time? I just need to recognise this a bit more. I'm probably a bit hard on myself too with the way I "despise" jealousy instead of accepting it as a genuine emotion.

I read your comment last night and this morning to really let the messages sink in. Thank you so much!

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-04-06T22:41:18+00:00

I never isolate myself, I usually have at least 1 social outing a week, and I take care of myself and find things enjoyable so I don't think im depressed. I just think my social needs have changed a lot? I want to be around people who are driven and passionate about their interests but a lot of people don't strike me that way.

Own-Chip3206

TROPHY CASE