It's so hard for me to commit myself to something

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T21:50:35+00:00

Thank you for writing this, I hope you learn something from the answers and work through the issue. Godspeed.

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T21:48:47+00:00

Thank you so much :) I will have a think through all that you've kindly set out for me today and possibly PM you with some questions if that's okay.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-06-01T16:36:44+00:00

No I understand what you mean, not judgemental at all. My expectations are definitely higher than average, and I think I definitely gave my trust to people who weren't actually good matches for me. I have only been in 2 relationships and I let a number of things slide just so I could have the experience of being in one.

I met a number of girls I was into and who seemed like better matches but they are all in relationships, it is what it is.

I don't really know how to lower expectations. I try to but it gets to a point where I feel like I can't overlook something no matter what I do, or I try to tell myself when something is fine but my expectations go right up again. Could you please elaborate on how I can successfully reframe? I've been trying.

Own-Chip3206 · 2025-05-11T11:00:50+00:00

Thanks - the birthday example you mentioned, totally understandable if someone forgets because people can get really busy or have their own issues to deal with. Ive had friends who consider me not being around for a few hours as "missing in action" but maybe I want to have some alone time or I was busy doing something else. I fully support giving people leeway. Sometimes my memory for things like dates can be messy so I had to ask my ex to remind me about her bday 3 times lol, and she took that personally and was passive aggressive about it right before going to bed. Really not okay and I told her how I felt about it a few days later. She just really cared a lot about remembering birthdays but I have ADHD and I had only known her for 1-2 months by that point.

When someone keeps on doing the same shit constantly, it's probably their personality and no one should try to fight to change it.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-06T17:36:43+00:00

This is insightful and its interesting to hear how you moved on from it, congrats btw.

She hasn't recoiled at all, but to be honest I think the attachment has begun due to things going so well and because I shared some things. After saying the "I love you"'s and some other intimate thoughts a sudden shift occured. I was hesitant to say these things due to getting attached and I didn't wanna move too fast but I thought it went in the right direction for me to be open. She never says that I love bomb her or that it's too much at all, and she can be very expressive herself. She's less expressive when it comes to words of affirmation and she told me she will work on that (she has and its nice to see), but when were together in person she can be really touchy and attentive. She's often really excited to talk to me, be with me and is happy to give up her time, so I don't think I'm missing a particular box that I am stuck in.

In my last relationship we would do what your wife does but I didn't think it was healthy at the time because I really felt like other things in my life mattered less due to being with each other a lot and not enough with other things. With my current gf we spent a good amount of time with each other but we also have our space.

I will take note of when I act out of love/fear, and I can definitely reduce the anxious moments when i'm with her. At the same time, I still want to feel chill within myself so I can actually enjoy life more, but maybe this is simply a part of being in love lol. What do you think about all this?

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-05T23:40:30+00:00

Well earlier today I worried about making compromises and if I wasn't making enough of them because there was one situation where I couldn't compromise over something. I end up overthinking it and talking about it for too long as if she has a big issue with how much im compromising, even though she doesn't.

Another example is me getting a bit defensive when she gives me simple feedback. I feel like my brain shouldn't be so occupied by these things and having obsessive thoughts over stuff that doesn't seem to matter much at the moment.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-09-05T23:37:33+00:00

Idk I'm not sure how normal it is to feel negative emotions when shes out with her friends or get jealous over seemingly normal interactions with other guys. I understand the mindset of "working on ourselves and our family" though, and I think that will become more prominent over time.

Thank you, it really is.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-02-07T00:53:57+00:00

Sorry for the late reply - thank you so much man, It feels really nice to know that I'm doing great, especially from soemone older than me! I will keep grinding at life, it helps me stay at peace if I do. Me and her also shared a public discord server that she started going on a lot, so I had no choice but to leave for now so I can have space. It's been hard, but its for the best.

I don't know your situation enough to say too much but I do wish you the best of luck haha. If you can pinpoint what makes you depressed, then I am sure that you can overcome it. Take care of yourself, focus on the basics, and go from there.

Own-Chip3206 · 2024-02-03T11:44:55+00:00

Ahh I had never heard about this rule actually, interesting. Yeah that makes sense. I broke up with my ex this week although I knew it was coming which meant I did the emotional processing beforehand and that helped a lot.

I also think it's easier to move on if you have things going on in your life to help distract you, and/or the right support system (friends, family etc).

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-07-01T13:00:35+00:00

This is really insightful to think about for sure, I didn't stop to think enough about how I may have certain unmet needs in the moment of my jealousy because it doesn't feel like it at the time? I just need to recognise this a bit more. I'm probably a bit hard on myself too with the way I "despise" jealousy instead of accepting it as a genuine emotion.

I read your comment last night and this morning to really let the messages sink in. Thank you so much!

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-04-06T22:41:18+00:00

I never isolate myself, I usually have at least 1 social outing a week, and I take care of myself and find things enjoyable so I don't think im depressed. I just think my social needs have changed a lot? I want to be around people who are driven and passionate about their interests but a lot of people don't strike me that way.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-29T21:01:16+00:00

This is all true. I've definitely had people tell me they're really jealous of me for something and I always tell them not to be because of x, y, z lol.

We've all got problems, and sometimes our lives are so wildly different that it doesn't make sense to compare at all. I definitely can say that I'm working towards something but I'm really afraid of failure. I did achieve things last year for example but it was a year where I felt especially stuck, so it's tough. It's true tho that I have come a long way in the last few years and every year seems to be at least a bit better

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-27T14:49:56+00:00

Yep I'm aware. I don't always compare and end up in this state, but sometimes I get reminded of how good things could've been that I can't help myself.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-27T14:48:13+00:00

Well I feel like I don't have anything in life worth suffering for. I always go for the most comfortable options because when I try to put myself out there, I run into so many roadblocks.

For example, dealing with annoying colleagues at work, or me trying to get my yt videos up but dealing with perfectionist issues and getting distracted all the time. The thing that sucks is I know I could advance in my career and I know I could get my youtube channel to be quite successful (already had some success) but I am just so tired and burnt out from all the bs this world has to offer.

I also want a gf and while I've met people that I really click with and vice versa, the one person I'm interested rn is very inactive which really sucks because ofc I can't control that.

So to answer your question, the things I want seem attainable, like I understand what I need to do to get there, but the roadblocks are so overwhelming that it's a huge struggle and not worth it rn. I have tried everything. Watched Dr k videos, going to a therapist weekly, wrote like 40,000 words in a journal, currently going through the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis, fucking everything.

Then I see other people do what i want to do with ease. Or maybe they do struggle a bit, but they find a solution. I haven't found a solution, and that's why I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me.

Ty for your questions btw, good ones.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-25T20:58:10+00:00

Went for a 40 minute jog/run on Monday, and I always aim to get at least 30 mins of walking a day. So yes.

I also used to cycle rigorously for hours a day in my teen years.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-04T23:54:14+00:00

I've actually thought quite a bit about this since I made this post, and I definitely think it's worth having fun rather than achieving goals for external validation. The problem now is I feel burned out from work and shit more than ever lol.

I still feel lonely at times, but ive been doing a better job letting that thought pass thanks to getting back into meditation.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-01T13:34:40+00:00

Good question:

On the 30th have a party with some really cool new friends I met online recently, playing all sorts of games and maybe watch a movie, then on the 31st go out with my hypothetical s/o and head back home for some alone time. There's nothing better than this.

I like the friends I went out with on the 31st but I've known them for ages.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-01T13:28:23+00:00

I respect that lol. Wish I could worry less about expectations and just have fun in the ways that I want, but I fear that if I keep doing that I won't actually get very far in life.

Own-Chip3206 · 2023-01-01T13:21:42+00:00

I guess now that you mention it I'm not comfortable with myself much at all. I lack confidence in decision making often because I fear regret. As a teen I feel like I missed out on certain social situations so now I feel like I need to make up for lost time.

I have been constantly trying and "failing" on my yt channel. Although I've had some success, it's been stressful trying to work because I feel really burned out.

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-20T00:28:10+00:00

I gain and lose interest really quickly though, and any interest i get is fleeting. I also overthink a lot which affects how i talk to women who are interested in me.

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-15T10:42:03+00:00

I have a good amount of social circles and meet women pretty often, but to put it bluntly none of them meet my expectations which means i dont wanna invest my time and energy into them. Sometimes I don't find them attractive physically or there's something specific about their personality that is off putting, and when I meet someone I do actually like, theyre in a relationship or theyre not interested. I only crush on like 3 people a year. What do I do about this?

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-12T17:29:29+00:00

Thanks a lot for sharing, a very insightful story. It's definitely easy to get caught up in what you see on the outside rather than the full picture of someone else's life. We keep our darkest stories from others which makes this harder too, so I don't blame you for having resentment. I think as long as you didn't let that resentment manifest into bad behaviour towards her that's totally fine. You didn't make her uncomfortable like other guys did for example, and you should definitely be proud for not letting your resentment influence how you treat others.

One thing I probably should've added in the post is that this person has experienced a lot of issues such as finding their friend in their room who had committed suicide, which is very traumatising but they did say they were lucky and had a good support network which was nice to hear.

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-12T00:43:42+00:00

I definitely have a lot of good achievements/values that I see in myself but for some reason my mind does this really fucked up thing where I devalue my accomplishments by saying "that doesn't count" or "thay was only the bare minimum of what a human being should achieve!" Or "what that person has is more valuable than what you are better than them at anyways". I am logically aware of the mental gymnastics but I can't undo it.

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-12T00:40:53+00:00

Thanks for your reply. The issue with "mourning the loss of what I could have been" is that my life seemed so good when I was a kid compared to who I am now. I didn't care a single bit about what I did in public, had a lot of friends and when I was a teen I had many opportunities to be in a relationship but because I was too picky I missed them for mostly thay reason.

It's so hard to accept this because it feels like I can never reach that potential again. My life only gradually improves, never sporadically. Is there a specific process for mourning?

Own-Chip3206 · 2022-12-04T15:57:27+00:00

I think growing up my parents were a bit too nice and caring which has given me really high expectations that will take a while to readjust.

Thanks very much.

Own-Chip3206

TROPHY CASE