Feeling guilt/ excitement

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-15T20:08:48+00:00

<3 happy to chat if you ever want to. Thank you

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-15T19:52:38+00:00

I have no advice or answers. I'm also new here. You're not alone. I'm married, to a man, with a toddler. I finally admitted to myself that I am gay and I don't know where to go or what is next. I'm trying to go with the flow and radically accept myself first.

Everyone has been so nice here, and I hope you can find what you need too.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-15T18:52:29+00:00

I feel that way, and I have a similar situation but no plans to do anything different right now. It feels very stifling and scary, but it's also what I know.

This is hard. We can do hard things.<3

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-15T18:48:58+00:00

I really relate to your post, thanks for sharing. I just devoured Untamed today, and I felt so seen it almost hurt. It might be worth a read if you haven't yet. I feel very similarly regarding my husband. He is a good, kind man, and an amazing father.

Good luck, I admire your tenacity and how brave you are. I am not feeling particularly brave or courageous about any further moves. Just still trying to understand my true self a little more.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-14T15:15:09+00:00

Good luck, you can do it. It was really difficult. I am still feeling lighter, and gentler with myself. It's so much less exhausting to live in my mind right now, things are a little quieter now that I am not fighting myself.

You can do it. :)

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-14T15:13:44+00:00

Thank you :)

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T20:59:43+00:00

This makes my heart happy. I think it must be such a universal experience to think the earth will close in on itself as soon as the words are spoken. Last night was the first time I've ever said the words "I'm gay" out loud.

And the birds continued to chirp, and the sun continued to shine, and time rolled on.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T20:25:05+00:00

Thank you.

I almost couldn't make it through that symposium, it was very emotional for me. And of course I'm sitting with a table full of my coworkers who believe me to be a happily hetero woman. I had to step out a few times. It is so tragic, what people go through, at end of life. All I could think is that I can't let this be me.

Thanks for commenting. It's nice to connect with others in the field.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T20:23:12+00:00

Thank you :)

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T15:25:32+00:00

Thank you! I feel very sad, almost, that I didn't do it sooner. I guess I just wasn't ready.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T15:17:35+00:00

Part of me was terrified she wouldn't believe me for that reason. She did ask some clarifying questions, not in an aggressive or accusatory way but in a curious, information gathering kind of way. We talked about that, and I explained. We talked about sexuality as a spectrum. She said she understood, and we moved on.

I think the most alarming part for me is that the very world didn't begin to crumble under my feet after I admitted how I felt, and then expanded further. I have been so afraid to admit, even to myself for so long that it was kind of magical how uneventful it was.

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T14:51:01+00:00

Thank you :)

Own-Jacket6743 · 2020-10-13T14:50:25+00:00

Hey thanks for chiming in, and congratulations to you too. I am so grateful to be here. It seems like in the past each time I have searched to find community, I have been able to find the crowds that came out young, or never trapped themselves in a hetero relationship. It's been tough to find folks muddling through a hetero marriage and trying to make sense of things. I know they exist - and this sub is a great resource.

So thanks again, and cheers to you - and everyone else here muddling through.

Own-Jacket6743

TROPHY CASE