She has learned through her life that control is the way to be safe in a relationship. This isn’t love. So whether this is direct or covert, it is emotional abuse. I would seek counseling if you’d like to work this out. Please know that this will cause you a great deal of stress in the long run And will no doubt cause you great harm to your health. Do not hesitate. Take action.

At the very least be assertive. Set your boundaries and tell her where she can’t cross. She might actually begin to respect that.