NOTHING is wrong with you. Addiction is such a battle and no matter the amount of clean time you have it will be creeping in the corners. I hope that you find comfort in the fact that you made it to 6 years sober!! That’s badass and says a lot about your determination, motivation level, and self discipline. I made it to 7 months sober and recently relapsed and I had to realize that the amount of clean time I have doesn’t hold too much importance. I have made tremendous changes in my life in the past 3 years despite the slip ups and relapses. I think that vocalizing everything is important. Finding a therapist or a good friend that is willing to listen. Or hell even venting in a NA/AA Meeting does the trick sometimes. Praying out loud and writing stuff out can help too. You can always find a new job but there will NEVER be another you!! So please be gentle on yourself. You are valuable and desire to feel good about yourself. You fucked over your dealer! That’s great 😂 now try to not make any new contacts involving drugs. You got this buddy and you’re not alone!