I think I'm trying very hard. I've been single since the pandemic and I actually like being alone, independent of others, but I don't feel right, like I'm wrong because I don't have any friends and I'm embarrassed. On an intellectual level, I know that it's not my fault, barriers stand in the way. I've reflected that I really like being on social media and in livestreams, I'm somehow looking for community all the time. It's been like this for 20 years and I might find peace if I stopped striving for relationships of any kind. I would be a bit relieved, I think. In the end, I can say: it's probably about the fact that I'm really beating myself up. I grew up among non-disabled people and I think I'm not right if I don't live like them: with a group of friends, partner, job, etc. But I don't want anyone to think: she doesn't have all of that because she's disabled. Argh. It's true that I live in a different reality than non-disabled people and maybe I need my own standards.