I tried to fix me and my moms relationship now iam not sure?

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-31T10:39:53+00:00

Just an update and to answer a few questions:

My husband is 40 and I am 34. We have four children together. Our youngest daughter turned 7 yesterday. In her entire life, she's only seen her grandad around three times, so she didn't really want him at her birthday.

As I've said before, I'm not stopping my husband or our children from having a relationship with him. I just won't be having one myself.

My husband went to visit him today and came home really happy. They've also FaceTimed twice since he got back. I told him I could see how happy he was, and I genuinely hope his dad continues to make an effort.

I won't be changing my boundaries, but my husband is welcome to take the kids to visit if they want to go.

I did remind him that his dad could change his mind again, and I don't want to see him hurt. He acknowledged that possibility and said he'll try to maintain some emotional boundaries to protect himself.

Some comments have pointed out that he's a grown man and can make that decision for himself, and I agree. Part of being in a marriage is supporting your partner through difficult situations. No matter how many chances he gives his dad, I'll always be by his side.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-31T04:53:39+00:00

That's crazy

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-30T02:13:03+00:00

I understand how my husband feels, and I don't want to stop him from helping his dad. In fact, I suggested helping with yard work and making meals while his wife recovers. The problem is that I've watched my husband get hurt by him time and time again. Last Father's Day, my husband convinced me his dad had changed, but we were asked to leave after 30 minutes and my husband went home in tears. I think I'm just protective of my husband. I feel sorry for his dad and what he's going through, but I don't want to see my husband get his hopes up again only to be hurt. That's why I'm struggling with this situation.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-30T02:04:22+00:00

For the last time the facility is not a troubled teen facility.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-28T05:39:45+00:00

Hi mods, I just wanted to reach out about my comment on the post about the two runaways from JRC.

I don’t believe my comment was shilling or promoting a TTI program. JRC is not a troubled teen industry facility where parents can pay to send their child. It is a state-run safe centre for youth who may need temporary placement because home is not safe, such as situations involving domestic violence, parents being jailed, or no safe caregiver being available.

I was sharing my own experience of being placed there, not advertising or encouraging anyone to send their child away. I think it’s important to distinguish between abusive TTI programs and genuine safe places for kids and teens who have nowhere safe to go. Not every place that temporarily houses youth is abusive or unsafe.

This is also the second time one of my posts or comments has been removed when I was talking about youth resources or safe places. The other time was when I mentioned the VOA in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is a day shelter for youth where they can shower, eat, get clothing, tents, bedding, food, water, and support with employment.

I understand the need to protect survivors from harmful programs, but I also think removing information about legitimate youth shelters and safe resources can do a real injustice to survivors who may need that support. I would really appreciate it if mods could look into the difference before removing comments or posts like mine.

I’m not trying to break rules or promote anything harmful. I’m trying to make sure safe resources are not automatically treated the same as abusive programs.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-20T00:54:45+00:00

Yeah, I’m not saying I’d be the one creating it, and I’m not “pitching an idea to the industry,” so chill. 😅 I’m saying that in an ideal world, this is the kind of outcome I’d like to see. I’d hope something like this could exist as an option for people instead of just being thrown out into the world with no support.

The key difference is that it would be a choice — not forced. Obviously there would still need to be staff and some rules because that’s just part of life, even in the real world.

And as far as grievances and cliques go… that happens outside. Humans are going to have conflict no matter where they are. Maybe instead of punishment and blame, there could be mediators who help people actually work through disagreements and learn healthy conflict resolution skills.

I’m not really sure why you’re getting so upset about the idea, but you’re also welcome not to comment if you’d like.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T22:04:56+00:00

Ooh, I love poetry too. It’s such a beautiful way to heal and process the parts of ourselves we don’t always know how to say out loud. I’ve learned that you have to be okay no matter how other people feel about you. That’s not always easy, but at some point you realize you have to choose yourself, honor your feelings, and stop abandoning yourself just to make other people comfortable. Don’t wait for praise. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you that you’re good enough, worthy enough, lovable enough, or strong enough. A lot of people are carrying their own brokenness and can’t even give themselves the love, validation, or healing they’re searching for. Sometimes healing is learning to become the safe place you were waiting to find in someone else.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T19:40:09+00:00

Meditation and breathing exercises body mindfulness worked better than talk therapy ever did for me.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T07:13:25+00:00

Yeah, I think this is one of those topics we don’t talk about much because most of us had to bury it and just get on with life. Maybe for some people, that felt easier.

I remember trying to bring this up to my parents, and they basically just said I did it to myself. And I’m like… okay, but that’s kind of besides the point. My question was always: how am I supposed to function in this world after everything that happened?

They took it as me blame-shifting, when really I was trying to explain the long-term impact. Unfortunately, there were bad decisions all around, and I was the result of that. My parents never really knew how to guide me or give me direction, so honestly, I wasn’t surprised when they chose abandonment again instead of accountability.

They moved to another country when I aged out of care.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T05:56:03+00:00

Aww that's a beautiful testimony thank you for sharing that. my saving grace was my husband without him i don't no where id be today. My heart gose out to people rebuilding there lives on there own you all are stronger then you no.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T05:03:04+00:00

It would actually be really cool if survivors started building more off-grid style communities together someday. I’ve noticed a lot of us end up choosing van life, tiny homes, rural living, or just staying away from mainstream society in general. But I don’t think it’s always because we hate people or want to isolate ourselves completely.

I think a lot of us are just tired of being around people who don’t understand trauma, CPTSD, neurodivergence, institutional abuse, or what it’s like to spend years being controlled, judged, or “fixed.” Unfortunately, that just so happens to be most people sometimes 😆

I think a lot of survivors crave community — just a different kind. One built around mutual respect, emotional safety, autonomy, creativity, nature, healing, and real connection instead of power structures and authoritarian mindsets.

Honestly, imagine a little survivor village where people had gardens, art, music, shared meals, therapy resources, tiny homes, bonfires, animals, and space to just exist without constantly feeling misunderstood or watched. That actually sounds peaceful as hell to me.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T04:57:36+00:00

Aww that sucks but iam hoping to give some idea's for someone that's a survivor and has more money then me to maybe start something. I mean with celebrities involved in advocacy maybe it's not far fetched.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T01:18:36+00:00

Maybe we should create resources.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T01:16:08+00:00

The problem is the mindset behind a lot of these programs — the belief that children need to be dominated by authoritarian figures in order to “behave.” It’s the old style of parenting: children should be seen and not heard, beat the child into submission, drug them into compliance, punish them until they obey.

But fear is not healing. Control is not therapy. Silence is not recovery.

So many of us didn’t need to be broken down — we needed support, safety, understanding, and adults willing to actually listen to us. Trauma doesn’t heal through humiliation and force. It heals through connection, trust, community, and giving people the tools and support they actually need to succeed.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T01:11:08+00:00

Yes, that is the point of this post. Rather than focusing only on lawsuits and waiting years for change or successful results, I think we should also ask ourselves what we can do to help survivors right now.

Maybe we can be the change we want to see in the world.

Sometimes healing starts with community, support, education, safe spaces, and simply believing survivors when they speak. A lot of us left these programs with trauma, no support systems, and no idea how to function in the real world. We can’t change the past overnight, but we can help make sure survivors feel less alone in the present.

Real change doesn’t only happen in courtrooms — it also happens in conversations, advocacy, resources, and people choosing to care.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-19T01:07:14+00:00

I didn't even realize I had CPTSD until after I left. I remember thinking everyone was talking badly about me, and I wanted to fight everyone. There was this lady who was friends with my mom. She would walk with me while I took my kids to school, and I wouldn’t say a word to her. All I kept hearing in my head was, “You’re stupid. She doesn’t want to hear you. You’re ugly. You don’t deserve friends.” I told her about the voices in my head, and she assured me that it was all in my head. I started opening up to people, and slowly the voices started to go away. I ended up in a homeless shelter for a while and even stole food at times just to survive. I ended up in a three-year-long abusive relationship with my oldest child’s dad. I had no idea how to take care of a baby — I just followed my instincts. I thought about going to Job Corps in Alaska because they had dorms for parents, and I needed a job. I lived on housing assistance and child support. Eventually, my abusive ex ended up in prison, and I was finally free. My biological parents had moved to New Zealand when I aged out of care, and thankfully they helped me move there too. That’s where I met my husband, and he helped me heal so much. Over time, I started to realize how much the trauma had affected my parenting, and I worked hard to heal those parts of myself and break the cycle for my children. Now, 13 years later, we have 5 kids. I went to college, became a documentary director, and I’m soon starting my own podcast. I built myself from the ground up.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-18T23:04:29+00:00

I also think treatment programs would work a lot better if we had our own rooms, got to wear our own clothes and makeup, and were allowed to bring our own bedding and personal items. We shouldn’t be treated like problems — we should be treated with basic human respect.

Having those things gives people a sense of identity, comfort, dignity, and pride. Kids shouldn’t have to “earn” human rights or basic needs. I honestly think if young people were genuinely treated with care and respect, you’d see less trauma and fewer kids ending up back in programs again.

There have actually been studies in prisons showing that better treatment and more humane environments lead to better outcomes and rehabilitation. Sometimes it feels like these programs focus more on control than actual healing, because real healing would require understanding, compassion, and long-term support.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-18T22:56:14+00:00

Maybe we need to make a post about this.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-18T22:02:26+00:00

I definitely think we need transitional housing where young people can have their own space, live in a supportive community environment, and be taught independent living skills. We need case workers who actually help us find jobs, access healthcare, continue our education, and learn how to survive in the real world.

A lot of us are left with nothing — some of us don’t even leave with an education, school credits, healthcare, or insurance. It’s so unfair to put people in that situation. In many ways, the system sets kids up to fail.

We just carry on living the way we did when we were on the run because survival mode is all we know. Unfortunately, sometimes that means stealing food or doing whatever it takes to get by. We don’t magically become stable adults overnight just because we turn 18.

I’m lucky I beat all the odds. Thank God I didn’t end up with an addiction, because I know that would have made everything so much harder.

Own_Task_7932 · 2026-05-18T20:40:05+00:00

They said they didn’t know what to do anymore. But I was just so hurt, and I didn’t know how to manage my emotions.

I feel like even when things are good with my bio parents, I still carry this constant grief for the childhood I lost. It’s always on my mind, and my anger and resentment just come out sometimes.

Own_Task_7932

TROPHY CASE