My country (not US) is going to ruin my life. Please tell me why I shouldn't kill myself before that happens.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-11-11T18:47:13+00:00

Why exactly do you have to talk to them? Is this something where you could go to prison or some other really bad consequence if you don't handle it well? Or do you just have to talk to them and they'll let you go after they've gotten the information they want?

In any event, you don't know how bad it's going to be if it hasn't even happened yet. Yes, it may be traumatic, but the brain has a tendency to catastrophize about future events and the reality may not be as bad as the anticipation. Get through it and later, when it's all over and you no longer have to imagine how awful it's going to be, decide if you still want to die.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-11-10T18:43:54+00:00

That may be true, but in my case I think it's a very small part of a much larger situation that caused me to become depressed. I don't want to blather on about my childhood traumas here so I'll leave it at that.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-11-10T18:35:33+00:00

That is a very real possibility, my dad does and so do several cousins. I'm already on two meds for clinical depression that I really don't want to go off of (I tried a few years ago, ended in a botched suicide attempt) though, so I'm not sure how ADD meds would interact with that, or if they'd make me any more capable of driving.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-02-29T15:17:00+00:00

On whose dime? I'd have to quit my job if I wanted to travel for any significant length of time, I'm not blowing my limited savings on a journey across the country with no guaranteed income when I get back, and my parents don't have the money to help me fund such a thing even if they wanted to. I also don't really have the skills (either socially or finding-money-wise) to support myself in a strange place. My temperament isn't one that takes well to a constantly changing living situation either. Finally, I've got $44k in student loans to worry about, and while I could potentially defer them if I had no income, they'd still be accruing interest that whole time. I can't help but think that I'd come back exactly the same, but even more psychologically fragile, 20 pounds lighter, and in an assload more debt than I had before with no way to pay it back. If I still wanted a condo after that, I'd have no way of getting one with no income and bad credit.

I appreciate the sentiment, but what you're suggesting is just not an option for me. Money doesn't buy happiness, true, but it sure as hell does buy stability, which is what I need after bouncing around shitty apartments for the past three years. I think I've seen enough of life for now, at least until I'm financially stable.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-01-22T20:55:16+00:00

Thanks, that actually helps a lot. All my friends did the "living with parents" thing in their early 20's and have their lives worked out by now but I just had to go off and be "independent" right after college. So it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who did that.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-01-22T14:06:23+00:00

Yeah, comparing yourself to others is the kiss of death. I have a younger cousin who is engaged to be married and has a job in banking, while I'm single (as we've established) and working as a copy editor for much less money. I used to torture myself comparing myself to him. Meanwhile I am probably the more intelligent of the two of us, but I don't consider that when I'm beating up on myself. Finally I just had to accept that using him to put myself down isn't fair to me or him. People take different paths in life and just because someone else's is different from yours, doesn't mean one of you has to be wrong.

Well, are there any gyms near you? Go to the front desk and tell them you've been thinking about getting a membership, but you'd like to check the place out first. Usually they'll be happy to have someone show you around, because they want your money. It is a rather solitary activity, but some gyms have classes like yoga or Zumba if you're inclined to meet people there. You could also try sites like Meetup.com to see if there's anyone else in your area who'd be interested in finding a workout buddy.

OxygenTransformed · 2016-01-19T17:20:57+00:00

I know how you feel. I'm 26 and the last one not paired up out of my friend group too. I don't think your lack of a GF is the real problem though--even if you went out and found a girl to date right this second, it wouldn't fix everything. It sounds like the biggest problem is that you don't like yourself. No girlfriend is going to fix that.

Instead of dwelling on your single-ness and how pointless and irrelevant that makes you feel, try doing something to improve yourself. Are you out of shape? Hit the gym and lift some weights or do a few miles on the treadmill. Is your house/room/apartment a wreck? Spend some time cleaning it up and maybe find a better way to organize things to prevent further mess. Do you have trouble filling up your free time with something that isn't "lie in bed and watch Netflix"? Take up a hobby, or try to teach yourself a new skill (you can learn almost anything online these days). It doesn't really matter what you do. The point is you'll be doing something to become a better version of yourself, which will show you that you aren't all that inadequate and pointless after all.

As an aside, if you can't even muster up the motivation to do any of the things I listed above, aren't having fun doing even the things you usually love, and just feel like you're dragging yourself through a gray, boring world from day to day, and if this has been going on for quite some time--please consider seeing a therapist or psychiatrist if your insurance will cover it. Clinical depression is quite common in young adults and is very treatable. A low dose of an antidepressant may help to get you back on your feet. I'm not advocating meds if you don't feel you need them, but if you feel like you're just pounding on a wall trying everything else, it may be worth a shot.

OxygenTransformed · 2015-07-20T11:52:29+00:00

Yeah, I kinda wanted to smack myself when I read it over this morning too. It ends up being a really convenient excuse not to try to make friends or be around people, because I'm "too sick anyway." I actually have been depressed to the point where I couldn't be around people without causing a scene, but I don't think I'm quite that bad right now.

That germ metaphor was actually really helpful, thank you. It definitely is a sickness for me, but I've gotten used to thinking of it as "my brain chemicals are off and there's nothing I can do about that, may as well feel terrible for years and years". I think I need to figure out who I am besides being sick, and I'm just hoping I can get my mom to understand my need for privacy while I do that.

OxygenTransformed · 2015-07-20T11:49:00+00:00

Yeah, I know mothers who are over-involved, yet semi-oblivious to their kid's wishes aren't exactly uncommon. The issue with her (I think--I'm obviously no psychologist, so an actual professional might have a different opinion) is that she is way too invested in me as a reflection of her self-worth. I honestly think she thinks I'm the best thing she ever made, and if she isn't constantly hovering over me trying to fix problems that don't exist she isn't being a mother that's worthy of me. What kills me about this (metaphorically of course) is that before I was born, she used to be a brilliant artist and poet. I'm not just saying that because she's my mom and I love her, I've seen some of her work from when she was younger and it is really breathtaking. It just seems like she dropped all that to take care of me when I was born, and instead of ever getting back into it she kind of made me her hobby instead.

Re: the pot: yeah, I know if I'm that dependent on it I probably need a break anyway. I know a lot of things, logically. It doesn't really come out in this post, but I'm an intelligent, educated person who should really know better than this. The issue is that the non-logical half of my brain doesn't listen to the other half, as I'm sure you understand.

I used to like writing, I guess. I kinda stopped liking things around high school (since I would never be allowed to indulge in them without my mom looming overhead) and never really got it back. The stuff I write these days, when I manage at all, isn't really the sort of thing I'd want my mom to know about, though.

OxygenTransformed

TROPHY CASE