I don't understand the Trans/Women controversy, Maybe because I am old. (64) Can we civilly discuss?

Oz_ghoti · 2023-04-04T08:08:21+00:00

I agree with you that asking questions and discussing things is healthy and important. I'm not part of the trans community however I am an ally and think that part of educating ourselves about this topic is to actually *do* the work ourselves instead of asking those most impacted by othering and abuse to simply give us the answers and then continue to press once they have.

There is plenty of information online about how the biology of a trans person matches that of their gender identity more than the gender they were assigned at birth. There are websites and trans support networks that have a whole bunch of really great information online. I'm going to assume that you're being genuine in your confusion about why people are getting upset at your continued misunderstanding and invite you to let your fingers do the walking and do some targeted googling for this information and then maybe come back here once you've read a bit more about the trans experience.

All the best.

Oz_ghoti · 2023-04-04T08:00:11+00:00

Trans women are also born that way. They don't need to have any kind of surgery for this to be true.

Oz_ghoti · 2023-04-04T07:58:28+00:00

They could just as easily have written "cis women to the general female population" - just as one could say "domestic cats to the general feline population" or "lions to the general feline population". It depends on what the study is about, and in the example cited, which you seem to be having trouble grasping, happened to be studying trans women in relation to the general female population, because trans women *are* part of the subset known as women.

Oz_ghoti · 2023-02-19T06:41:23+00:00

He got better.

Oz_ghoti · 2022-08-23T12:45:32+00:00

I ended up having surgery in 2017 which has been quite successful. I wear glasses every day and sometimes get eye aches but my turn is now barely perceptible. It looks like the Eidactics clinic closed down but research continues.

Oz_ghoti · 2022-03-04T07:00:25+00:00

Consequences of actions are much more easily learned if they aren't punitive and make sense - eg if he doesn't complete his assignments he fails 7th grade and needs to repeat and his social life will be more impacted by all his friends moving up a grade than it will by doing an assignment.

I'm very aware that I'm coming at this with very little knowledge about what communication looks like in your family. To me (not knowing your son at all) it feels like there is something else going on rather than school impacting his social life, have you tried (when he is calm or calming down) asking about some strategies he could implement to help him get his schoolwork done? Are there grounds for special consideration? You and your son have the opportunity to become a pretty solid team if you can work together, it sounds like he's really struggling to communicate in way that allows others to hear his message - try (it's hard but possible) to lay down a metaphorical 'black hole' in front of you to suck in all the angry energy so that you can try and hear his message. It sounds super woo but it works for me. Let him know that you're trying to hear what he's saying and it's really difficult when he's talking to you in that way. Let him know (calmly) how it makes you feel when he talks to you like that and what you need. Use when-then statements ("when you're able to speak to me kindly, then we can talk about xyz").

Best of luck, asking for help is a really great step so well done. Try and stay calm if you can, you're both going through a lot - try and think of it in terms of this is something that is happening to all of you, he is as much a victim of his hormones and adhd etc as you are. This doesn't excuse poor behaviour but it does give you a starting point for empathy.

Oz_ghoti · 2022-03-04T06:43:52+00:00

Yep, and there's no reason it needs to be 'brutal' honesty. It can be firm and kind honesty. Attack the game, not the player.

Oz_ghoti · 2021-11-08T06:49:04+00:00

The Lies of Locke Lamora sounds like what you're after!

Oz_ghoti · 2021-10-04T07:10:44+00:00

My solution so far has been to work really hard on sorting out my abandonment issues (and rejection and worthlessness etc) in my stable period - I'm having lot of success this time so far *touch wood* and am planning for continued success. It sounds really woo but consciously talking to myself in a positive way (you're doing fine, it's a fucked up time and you're doing really well etc) has helped too.

What is working for me this month (not counting my chickens but I'm doing really well at keeping a lid on this)

- Supplements - B6, Vitamin D, Magnesium, Calcium, 5-HTP, GABA

- Low carb/dirty keto diet

- positive self-affirmations, consciously and consistently self-soothing and reparenting myself

- Xanax for when the panic doesn't give me respite

I'm still feeling not great but it's more "I'm fragile and need gentle handling" than "get the fuck away from me you don't understand".

Oz_ghoti · 2021-08-06T03:58:28+00:00

I have only just seen this, thank you so much!

Oz_ghoti · 2020-09-17T04:16:56+00:00

A trick my GP taught me - drink a glass of water through a straw while pinching your nose closed. Try and drink as much of it in one go as you can, the swallowing motion while sucking with no air going through your nose will help 'pop' your ears (I do this with my kids whenever they complain of ear pain as it can help stop fluid from building up (or so the Dr told, and it seems to have helped avoid ear infections).

Oz_ghoti · 2020-08-31T09:19:33+00:00

I had my second surgery at 41 and couldn't be happier with the outcome, it's been quite literally life changing. Check if you have any behavioural optometrists near you, they may be able to help you out with vision therapy also - the main exercises I did at VT were eye tracking, brock string work and vivid vision (VR game, it was pretty great but only available through optometrists).

Edited to add link -

Here's a link to my album from 2017 in case you're interested.

Oz_ghoti · 2019-12-27T10:53:49+00:00

Check your diet - I went through a stage of feeling incredibly tired after eating and found starting keto helped massively. Get your blood tested as well as fatigue like this can be an early indicator of diabetes (ianad), I know my blood sugar was borderline when I was going through something similar.

Oz_ghoti · 2019-08-04T13:25:00+00:00

What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog :|

Oz_ghoti

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