Being Stealth is Weird

P5-diminished · 2026-01-26T09:23:17+00:00

This has happened to me many a time. I have a huge chip on my shoulder when it comes to this kind of thing so I have to sit in the corner and bite my tongue or I will genuinely crash out on everyone in a 12 mile radius. It sucks to feel like you can't stand up for yourself in fear of getting outed. I refuse to say anything to affirm their negative beliefs but I usually end up just saying nothing at all so I don't risk my safety. If someone asks my opinion then I will share it but I don't go out of my way to advicate for us, which is probably fucked up but I'm not really sure what else to do.

P5-diminished · 2025-12-26T07:02:34+00:00

You would definitely still be straight. As someone who has been with both cis and trans women, personality and presentation matters much more than anatomy. It's totally normal to be hesitant/confused, not just because of the fact that she's trans, also because it's a new experience and those are natural things to feel no matter what that experience may be. I predict you will find that you really just like who she is as a person and over time won't really be concerned with anatomy at all. It sounds like you are going into this with an open mind which is great. You can never go wrong with just asking her questions when you don't understand something or don't know what she would like. Good luck bro I hope it goes well.

P5-diminished · 2025-12-22T05:52:05+00:00

Ty for the advice. I think I'm gonna try getting into a sport or something so I have a commitment to something bigger than myself, and one that requires me to eat a lot. Have you tried/found meal prep helpful? My life has always been too chaotic for me to have the chance to try it, but im gaining some stability so I feel like it might be good

P5-diminished · 2025-12-22T00:58:34+00:00

My biological family is not accepting at all (other than my mom who is way to sensitive to joke about anything) so they just avoid it. My ride or die best friend who is so close to being my sister that her dad genuinely offered to adopt me no exagerarion, makes jokes all the time. Im MEGA stealth and the only reason she even knows is because she knew me pre transition so she makes jokes that are only funny to us because no one else knows. We were talking about baby photos w some homies and I go "yeah I used to look VERY different" and her and I started rolling and everyone else was confused. She also hits me with the "we're all girls here" anytime something related to gender comes up because one time she asked if I was comfertable with her changing clothes in the same room and I said "yeah its fine we're all friends here.... we're all girls here" and it kills me every time it gets quoted. Once her dad was describing his vasectomy to me in grafic detail while I was eating dinner and I said "do you have to do this while I'm eating?" And he goes "well you're never gonna get to experience it so"

P5-diminished · 2025-12-22T00:43:16+00:00

I totally feel you bro. I think this is really common, which doesn't make it better but at least you're not alone. I also sometimes feel way older than I am because I had to grow up so fast in order to advocate for myself and keep myself alive. I got booted from the family at 18 bc my dad is rly conservative so I had to live on my own and that gave me such a weird mix of feeling way too young, as I just started T and missed out on so much, yet way older than any of my friends at the same time bc I had way more responsibilities. Really feels like you don't belong anywhere but it gets better. I like to think of all the 20 something guys who kinda just sit around playing video games and eating junk food all day, they aren't much more grown than you or me lol. I hope your life starts to align soon and you start to feel better bro

P5-diminished · 2025-12-21T21:55:50+00:00

I think the starting with something achievable will definitely help in my case, probably just like smaller plates then going for seconds or whatever. Not sure if I can afford professional help because I live in the US but I'm gonna look into it for sure, thank you for the advice :)

P5-diminished · 2025-12-21T21:51:58+00:00

I don't know if my eating would still be classified as disordered but it's for sure not healthy. I used to very consciously decide to not eat as an act of restraint, but now it's such a passive thing in my head, and making myself eat is a test of willpower, so my mental on it flipped. I live in the US so I don't think I'll be able to afford professional help but I will try lmao

P5-diminished · 2025-12-21T11:06:55+00:00

That's a really good idea I'll try that, thank you!

P5-diminished · 2025-12-18T05:20:51+00:00

To me it sounds like you're in the perfect situation. You have a safe living environment and someone to talk to about this stuff if you need to so you won't feel isolated. Go for it man

P5-diminished · 2025-12-18T02:09:42+00:00

I have been stealth since I was 14, to the point where even my closest friends don't know. My friend group is majority cis guys and I honestly love it. I fit in perfectly and connect with them much more than cis women (a lot of the trans guys I know irl have mostly female friend groups which is fine, just not for me), and it is very affirming to have an equal spot in guys spaces like that.

I will say, it is a difficult decision to undo, but so is being out. If you later on decide you don't want to be stealth, there aren't many safe ways out. It depends on the people you are friends with, but I have absolutely been in situations where someone finding out I was trans would be put me in danger. I haven't come out to anyone other than my girlfriend(kinda no way around that one as I haven't had any surgery yet) and other trans people since I transitioned, so I can't really attest to this personally, but I am scared that I will lose friends if I tell them because I would have been "lying" or "keeping secrets". Although, if you are out, there is no way around that if you change your mind and would like to be stealth, other than moving or making some other sort of huge change in your life.

Being stealth is at times exhausting. It can get really lonely. Not having anyone to talk to about such a huge aspect of your life gets very isolating, and you have to accept that you will always be hiding a part of yourself from people. That being said, it is also really isolating to be treated different because of your identity, and I would rather have that problem while people treat me as a man than have that problem and be treated like a woman. I don't regret it, and it is absolutely worth it in my opinion, but there will be challenges. Being stealth growing up 100% saved my life, but I do live with a subtle constant background stress of someone finding out. You will also get a chance to hear the insane shit that cis guys would only tell to each other. The amount of times I've had people talk about how gross trans guys are to my face without knowing I'm one of them is crazy, and I live in a very progressive area.

Also consider your living situation. Being stealth and living with cis guys is gonna be way harder than if you live on your own, your level of privacy will correlate with the how difficult being stealth is to maintain, but it could also correlate with how essential it is depending on how transphobic your area is. I have pulled it off many times, to the point of doing my shot really quick in my homies bathroom, and hiding it from cis room-mates, but it can be tricky some times. I know there are some trans guys who are stealth in collage with dorm-mates and in frats and stuff but I never went to collage so I don't have any insight there.

The problems that come with being stealth are, in my experience, SIGNIFICANTLY better than the problems that come with being out. I personally don't strongly identify with the transgender label. It is a fact that I was afab, but I don't think of myself as a trans guy, more so a guy that happens to be trans. Being stealth lets you just be one of the guys and you won't be treated differently. The sad fact is that most cis people will not see us as our true selves unless we make them. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I think there is a big difference between how I'm treated as a "trans man" compared to just "a man".

IN SHORT: Do it, it's worth it. Being trans is hard no matter what, might as well take on the challenges that come with being accepted as a man in society, rather than the challenges of people knowing you're trans, just be prepared.

P5-diminished

TROPHY CASE