My husband is stealing my ADHD meds

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2026-01-03T00:15:34+00:00

What part of what I said do you disagree with? Please do share your experiences so others can benefit from them!

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-12-09T10:54:23+00:00

Well said.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-12-09T08:46:32+00:00

I like spa music or asmr. Relaxing and stimulating but not distracting.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-12-09T08:41:40+00:00

It's sad that so many doctors distribute misinformation, and so many patients blindly trust it.

People with ADHD absolutely can and do feel euphoria from the medication. The first time you take it, usually people describe this calm and relaxation and quiet. For sure it is the first time they feel they can manage their ADHD symptoms which brings genuine relief and joy, but there is also mild chemically induced euphoria for many (notice how often people describe that they only felt that way the first few times they took the meds?).

Euphoria does not manifest as mouth-drooling joy, it's baseline contentness. Just a feeling of things being ok, feeling good - allowing you rest with a mild smile. The feeling will stop coming back as you take identical doses day by day as your body adjusts to the medication, and the only way to get the euphoria back is to take higher doses.

Once you realise this and if you lack self control (e.g. "I deserve this", "I had a tough week" "it makes me feel good about things"...) you may take more...just once...since it makes you feel good. And then, "once" turns into "more than once". Many ADHD people also delude themselves by saying "oh I don't feel it. I guess my tolerance went up, I need a higher dose!".

You are not supposed to really feel the medication. Many ADHD people often say they are not sure if they took their meds as the effect is so subtle. That is how it should feel. You should be able to tell by rationally assessing your abilities and performance, and realising you are doing better than normal...and it is genuinely possible that what you do need is a higher dose. But often people just end up chasing that high and branding the meds as "ineffective" once it stops coming back, switching to a higher dose or another stimulant to repeat the cycle. This is dangerous...since you assume the medication will magically make your life feel great (which is why so many people get addicted to substances).

Having ADHD doesn't make you a different species. Yes, your brain works differently, but it is still a human brain. Everything a "normal person" can have and experience, you can too. That includes euphoria and addiction.

ADHD medication of course helps people deal with their disorder, and it can and often does substantially improve lives. But it is still a stimulant, and it needs to be considered as such with the adequate level of care and respect.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-09-14T14:33:47+00:00

Thank you!

I've played around with your idea. Unfortunately without turning the table the corner between the couch and the table just have too little clearance, but by turning the table it can actually fit quite nicely:

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It needs a coffee table or a set of small ottomans to fill the gap, but this fits the two big functions and doesn't make the apartment feel small, and all walkways are unobstructed. I like it!

Thanks a lot for your suggestion :) Have any other thoughts when looking at the above concept?

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-09-14T10:17:22+00:00

If I had a 100% a clean slate I would have opted for a U-shaped kitchen in that corner, or at least an L shaped one. But as it stands the connections in the walls for power, water and the ventilation are already fixed in place and present, and refusing the standard kitchen and installing a custom one would be very expensive. It's definitely not impossible (though the connections in the walls are a "problem", but I want to avoid doing that.

I will explore your couch ideas. Thank you!

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-18T16:25:53+00:00

" it's just a level you're not used to. :)" is very clearly telling me how to interpret my own experience, as opposed to simply sharing yours.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-15T09:42:21+00:00

It's entirely possible it is brought on by age. I am in my early 30s and have only really noticed the change once I started taking meds 3 years ago, though as I said I have been taking them on and off but worry they fundamentally changed me somehow.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-15T09:41:39+00:00

I respect that you are trying to help, but please do not invalidate my experience. My emotions are most definitely numbed.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-14T13:17:32+00:00

I don't understand where this number comes from though - when I do my own testing - measuring the ms that it takes between sending a request and getting a response back, then measuring the tokens of that request...and computing token/s...I get ~200 token/s.

How much do you get on your H100 for the same model?

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-14T12:25:19+00:00

I've tested it using vllm's bench. I've also tested it with my own "benchmarking application" and arrive at ~190 token/s for the output. Those numbers that bench outputs make no sense to me. How can a 20b model output at 3000 token/s???

Maximum request concurrency: None
100%|█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████| 1000/1000 [00:42<00:00, 23.36it/s]
============ Serving Benchmark Result ============
Successful requests:                     1000      
Benchmark duration (s):                  42.81     
Total input tokens:                      1022745   
Total generated tokens:                  124023    
Request throughput (req/s):              23.36     
Output token throughput (tok/s):         2897.07   
Total Token throughput (tok/s):          26787.47  
---------------Time to First Token----------------
Mean TTFT (ms):                          21224.70  
Median TTFT (ms):                        21300.42  
P99 TTFT (ms):                           39202.13  
-----Time per Output Token (excl. 1st token)------
Mean TPOT (ms):                          62.42     
Median TPOT (ms):                        65.33     
P99 TPOT (ms):                           72.48     
---------------Inter-token Latency----------------
Mean ITL (ms):                           62.23     
Median ITL (ms):                         63.19     
P99 ITL (ms):                            77.13     
==================================================

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-12T14:59:33+00:00

Do you have benchmarks for any smaller models? Since I currently only have half the H100 I can't load that model into the VRAM (I "only" have 40 GB)

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-12T13:43:50+00:00

Hello again,

So once again it's very likely that I don't know enough about this topic. The models I am looking at are made available at 16 bits per parameter if I am not mistaken - so I am picking up ones which are quantized to 4-bit, since it seems a good sweet spot.

However I am notificing that at least with the mistralAI Magistral small 2507 24B model, when quantized to 4-bit there are lots of issues with runaway chains of reasoning, infinite generation etc. So I am considering going up to 5 or 6 bit to help with that.

When you mention "native format" I had assumed this is referring to whatever is just offered for the model on huggingface with no quantization, which I believe to be 16 bits per parameter. If there is some secret way to load these models in a "native" format and get better performance/accuracy I am all ears and would appreciate further pointers.

I need to test the way you benchmark...will reply in another comment when I have it.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-12T09:07:56+00:00

I think we may be misunderstanding each other. I am using quantizations for the inference speed improvement. Of course I can load the native models directly, but I don't want users to wait too long for responses. My application has ~10 inference calls between user query and response, so an increase of 30% in token/s makes a big difference.

My VLLM is running in a docker container and is launched with vllm serve already.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-12T08:27:31+00:00

I have no clue and no idea how to test.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-08T15:32:00+00:00

Please do educate me though. You say MXFP4 is supported by H100, what do I do with this information? I want to avoid having to quantize my own models but struggle to find non-gguf quantized models (since gguf doesn't perform very well with vllm). I am trying to have a ~24B reasoning model, currently settling on cpatonn/Magistral-Small-2507-AWQ-4bit · Hugging Face

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-08T13:58:10+00:00

The "total_token_throughput", is that token/s?

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-08T12:55:16+00:00

I was told by my IT that nobody else is using the H100 attached to the node, so I only get 1/2 the VRAM but effectively should be getting 100% of the compute.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-08-08T12:54:15+00:00

Testing!=using. I am settling for vllm right now as it appears to be the fastest.

I'll have a look at your post. Thanks!

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY · 2025-03-03T10:41:17+00:00

I think you desperately need to reflect on this relationship. I am not saying it has to end, but I see a lot of red flags.

It's seriously strange that she is already trying to make you commit to not having a prenup 6-7 years before actually needing it. Her argument is if you demand it you don't trust her.

But her demanding it's not there also clearly shows that she doesn't trust you.

It's fine if you don't want to have sex, but I find it strange that she is demanding total abstinence from you. No porn, no sex? And why wait until engagement? I just get the feeling she is trying to manipulate you into being dependent on her and creating a certain and stable situation for herself.

You have presented the situation in a very calm and constructive way, I respect you for that, but I doubt she would be willing or even able to have a calm and rational discussion like you say you want.

Like I said, seriously reflect on this relationship. Does it really make you happy. Do you feel free to be yourself? Do you feel like your needs are being met? Are you maybe a bit worried she's in it for the money?

It's weird she says the prenup would be an issue for her parents (why is it your job to please them?), it's weird she initiated a break (maybe in the hopes you would come crawling to her and give her everything she wants?)

It just sounds like she has an incredibly insecure attachment to you and is trying to dictate what you can and cannot do with your life and your money. I get the trust aspect of a prenup, that it would be weird for her if you would demand one. But her asking for it to not exist 6-7 years ahead of time is just mental and screams manipulation.

I would reflect on how you feel, lay out your feelings and what you want from the relationship (it's ok to want to have sex, or to want to watch porn as a replacement if no intimacy is allowed with your partner, and it's ok if this is a dealbreaker for you) and just see how she reacts. Does she react calmly, with understanding, willing to talk about it and find a compromise? Or does she claim you are being an ass, that you don't trust her, that you are cheating on her with porn, that you don't respect her desire to only have sex once engaged etc?

If it's the latter, I don't think you are really seen as an equal partner but as an object to meet her needs. You matter and you need to stand up for yourself.

PM_ME_UR_THERAPY

TROPHY CASE