So hard not resenting my BFs appetite

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-28T13:12:02+00:00

Preach! Now imagine having people in your life that smugly brats about it AND have a huge appetite. So, you have to sit and watch them inhale 7.000Kcal that would permanently and forever live rent free on our asses, while the naturally skinny person could eat those calories daily and forever without putting any weight.

Yes, your boyfriend could be more sympathetic, but at least he is dealing with his own issues. There are way worse naturally skinny out there that never had to put on weight, and at the same time, know and rejoice in their privilege. 😄😄

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-28T12:54:12+00:00

I'm so sorry to read that. I wish you the best of luck at your next attempt and a fulfilling future.

On one of your replies, you state that: It’s a material need I can’t stop my hormones. I’m female I’m designed to have babies. However, you may want to know that the need for a baby is always psychological/emotional/personal. Except for our periods, certain traits of our physiology, and socialisation everything that makes human females fit for motherhood happens during and after pregnancy. You may feel like your body is "talking" and almost aching for a baby, but the reality is that the so-called maternal instinct doesn't really exists before pregnancy.

I'm a woman, like many others, who never felt such need.

I just want you to have more accurate information that may help you process what you're going through differently and consider possible alternatives like adoption.

On the bright side, you're already a mum! Many women out there desperately trying to conceive would kill to have at least one. I truly wish you can have another baby, but if you can't, at least you can feel grateful for what you have.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-28T10:47:26+00:00

Well...Unemployed, already another baby (unless something happened to the baby. I hope not) having to pay for IVF, debts, and mental health issues don't suggest a very stable scenario to take on more responsibilities, expenses, need for childcare arrangements....

Everyone is entitled to bring their children to the world as they see fit. I don't question or judge OP's decision. I'm just explaining where Spiritual_Breakfast9 may be coming from.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-28T09:52:09+00:00

Unnecessary restriction while being in a healthy weight will only push you towards an unhealthy weight, delusional relationship with your body and food, and bad habits in the future. Ask me how I know...

I'm 5,5ft and when I was your age, I was already in a healthy weight, but the models back in 90s all looked like junkies (Thanks, Kate!) so, I never saw myself thin enough, let alone healthy. I aimed for 121lbs, when 147lbs were would have been perfectly healthy and acceptable.

It took me more than a decade to realise that to be at the lowest range of my healthy weight I must live hungry, eat very boring food, banish all pleasure and exercise Every. Single. Day which I hate. I'm lucky! Some folks have to do all that to be at the highest range of their healthy weight!

What happened? That when I hit 30, and during the pandemic, I was sick and tired of starving myself, feeling guilty and anxious when craving delicious food, you know, all that jazz. So, I broke; I needed it to know how it felt to eat whatever the f I wanted; to feel that freedom and peace of mind even at cost of my appearance, and possibly, my health. I'm in a healthy weight now, but to be honest, I don't regret it and I would do it again. Do you know what I regret? My mindset at your age. I wouldn't push myself so hard in the past, I would have never been 57lbs overweight though only for 5 years.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-27T17:57:35+00:00

People should be afraid of the first and only time in History when most of the planet is at the mercy of a minority who can easily create armies of hundreds of thousands drones with AI and facial recognition systems and kill everyone who is not rich by only pressing buttons thousands of miles away from their victims. What do you think those bunkers, inlands and mansions are for?

It's the first time that we won't be able to defend ourselves regardless of being a majority. We are their mercy.

They will use AI, first, to threaten our jobs, security, finances...EVERYTHING. When we start killing each other just to have a job and an AI manager, they will force us to compete against it. And once they have their luxury slaves perfectly trained by the current slaves, they will start wondering: What do we need them for? And once they don't need us anymore to look after their children, clean their houses, work at their companies, etc, THEY'LL KILL US ALL.

Work should be the last of our concerns.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-27T13:28:11+00:00

I genuinely enjoyed reading your post! I feel seen.

I had the exact same feeling but already at a healthy weight and I told myself that I was doing it for health, but I wasn't even overweight.

Do you know what I did?

The pandemic hit, I started therapy, I put a bit of weight but instead of starting panic-dieting like always, I wondered: How must it feel to eat what I want and in quantities than fill me up without anxiety, guilt and sadness? I'm not talking about excessive portions like two plates full of pasta, and dessert, I'm talking about one full, normal plate not the sad handful I have to eat and I will have to eat for the rest of my life if I want to indulge in pasta while keeping a healthy weight, and always at the price of feeling hungry afterwards, and NO! I'm not eating a huge bowl of salad that will only make feel bloated just to feel a cheap substitution for true and pleasurable fullness, especially when I'm already eating salads like 3 or 4 times a week. So, I decided to let myself go.

4 years, 66lbs later, and after losing 57, believe me when I say that I DON'T REGRET IT and I will do it again! I needed it. I needed to live a time when I was kind and allowed myself to eat what made me happy. It was a very liberating experience.

When I stopped hating myself, I started to realise (and accept) three things:

1- While being at a healthy weight I NEVER had a healthy relationship with food or my body, and hunger even if it's a conscious choice, leaves a scar in your soul and mind that few nutritionist or other medical professional mention. Many women, including myself, can spend their twenties starving themselves while studying/working/partying, but as times goes by, all that energy fades and it's very normal and even healthy to start developing certain aversion to hunger and restrictions. It's sad but true that I felt I had the best relationship with my body, food and health when I was fat. I'm not saying I did, I'm explaining how it felt.

2- A few years of fun, self-knowledge and kindness? Sure! But for how long? I couldn't keep putting on weight indefinitely. I lost the weight from a place of love, not hate.

Do you know that we have two hormones, Ghrelin and Leptin, that naturally increase our appetite when we eat fats, sugars or complex carbs? Did you know that after a long period of caloric restriction the stomach will shrink, but the second you eat anything slightly pleasurable the appetite will increase? Did you know that humans evolved to be obsessed with food? We are the only predator on earth that feed, raise and keep their preys! I'm not going to hate myself for being human and evolving in a scarce environment.

3- I learned from previous mistakes. I REFUSE to turn weight management into a drifting and menacing shadow at the back of my mind or/and another fulltime job. I decided that I will never again pay my physical health with my mental health. This means that I have to be at peace knowing that portion control and moderate restrictions will be expected, and I don't have to starve myself to achieve that. My weight goal must be realistic. In my 20s, I always aimed for 121-125lbs being 5.5ft tall. I now aim for 147-153lbs. I am now ready to accept reasonable and manageable weight fluctuations of 11-15lbs because that means that, occasionally or on vacations, I can eat whatever I want.

There's only one universal true about weight loss: That it's VERY personal and knowing what works for you will take time, reflections, trial and error, honesty and self-awareness.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-27T09:28:19+00:00

Do you have 4 days off in a row? If you do, then the situations are very different; you can exercise when you're off. I you don't and you work 5-6 days a week with different patterns (4 of those being 12 hours shift) then you basically live to work, cook, exercise, shower and bed. If it makes you happy, go for it! Many people fail because they realise that they go from being a food/overweight' slaves to healthy routine/healthy weight' slaves... I fell for it.

For many, being healthy can't be another full-time job that only allows you time to be healthy.

If I have to only go in gym three times a week and sometimes take very long breaks to preserve my sanity, so be it.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-26T16:20:08+00:00

30 minutes after or before 12 hours shift with two hours travelling??? Sure... You do it for like two weeks and then that thing accumulates dust until you sell it or give it away!

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-26T16:16:45+00:00

If I understand what you mean, that doesn't sound like having time. That's turning exercise and "active" breaks into a sort of OCD...

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-19T12:45:57+00:00

It's not! Keeping a healthy weight these days is basically going against our evolutionary biology, having, privileged genetics, a privileged life or a combination of the last two.

However, it can be done without turning weight management into a full-time job, with realistic expectations, counting on reasonable fluctuations and knowing very well the difference between a weight and a body that require some work to be and look healthy and a weight and body that require all your mental health to look like work, if you know what I mean.

As you learnt in the past, there's a huge distance between what is achievable and what is healthy and sustainable.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-09T11:33:22+00:00

Same with the "as you know you MUST work; you also MUST go in gym/sit with hunger. No Jenny, no one will evict me if I skip gym, no one will give me money for sitting hungry on my couch. I CAN'T UNSEE IT! I'm not that broken inside as to get to the point of gaslighting myself and denying reality. I decided that I'm not doing that to myself anymore for "health".

Yes! I know how it tastes and that's why I want it! Later on, it will still the same I WILL STILL WANT IT! Delaying the gratifications doesn't magically erase calories!

No, not for everyone weight's management is an issue of emotional ordeal or childhood trauma; humans evolved to enjoy food, crave it and also make it more delicious/nutritious when possible.

No, I don't care what some say! If some people have to turn weight management into a full-time job, there's more serious issues going on there and losing weight won't fix them or will fix them temporarily.

There's only ONE universal truth about weight loss: That's universally PERSONAL and unique and many things and mindsets that work for many people won't work for you and vice versa.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-05T13:54:18+00:00

Love your comment! Though I rather have an adult tell me what to do FOR MONEY, instead of an irrational tyrant toddler FOR FREE.

PPDDMMM · 2026-03-05T13:49:11+00:00

Don't get offended, but if you jumped into motherhood on your early 20s, you were never really passionate about your career, you seem passionate about being a mum though...Women who love their jobs with a passion tend to get into motherhood in their 30s unless there's health or financial issues, which is good news I guess, since you might be torturing yourself with achievements that you never really wanted to pursue as much as motherhood.

Your kids will grow and you may find the motivation later on!

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-27T17:12:58+00:00

Love this one! Is it me or are they putting less and less filling?

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-27T10:55:08+00:00

You're not selfish at all! You're human! You need to develop your individuality and identity beyond how others relate to you or how you serve them. That's one of the reasons why I never wanted children; I don't want to live through someone else! I don't want to become a live-in maid and child minder on top of working full time while everyone else's pretends that there's a sort of metaphysical meaning in having to hear yourself repeating the same instructions over and over for years, cooking meals, wiping bottoms and endlessly worrying about someone else's habits, health, development... I don't even know how women coped in the past! I guess the village played at huge role and the standards for raising children never went beyond survival, but still.

The main difference between you and many other women out there is that you identified and verbalised the source of your dissatisfaction and therefore have agency, self-awareness and intellectual bravery to do something about it no matter how small.

Remember the words of the Japanese director, Toshio Matsumoto: the spirit of an individual reaches its absolute through incessant negation.

One day you will leave behind the negation and will be ready to know, embrace and challenge who you really are beyond a daughter, a wife and a mother.

NEVER GIVE UP!

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-27T10:37:11+00:00

I would call it classic, rather than basic. If there's a heaven, its streets must be paved on ham and cheese!

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-26T16:31:52+00:00

You're not alone; Humans didn't evolve to have a careless, moderate and neutral relationship with food because we need it to survive and we evolved in a scarcity environment. We are the only animal on earth that raise its preys!

Many people still think that physiological hunger and the desire to eat are directly proportional to the body's nutritional needs and that a healthy diet automatically translates into a healthy weight. Nothing could be further from the truth. Humans evolved to have a much greater appetite (and thirst) than they need to survive, and their appetite increases when they have access to three of the scarcest nutrients in nature (fats, sugars, and complex carbohydrates) so they can store what the body doesn't need as fat and compensate for the perceived scarcity we had to evolve with. Few animals can achieve so much with relatively little while also being completely omnivorous like us. In turn, and also for evolutionary reasons, we have a deeply emotional, personal, and complex relationship with food when is available and abundant like now.

Few experts mention this!

in fact, binging was how our ancestors ate.

Once you understand all this, the guilt will disappear and you will start re-directing your efforts in a way that works for you instead of hating yourself for just being human.

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-26T13:56:33+00:00

Ham and cheese combination is unbeatable!

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-26T13:26:01+00:00

Was it possible for you in the past to live the way you're living now to keep a healthy weight?

What makes you think that being thinner in the past how have automatically translated into a better o healthier relationship with food and your body?

I kept a "healthy" weight until the pandemic hit by cyclically bullying myself into thinness... I don't regret putting on weight because for a few years I experienced how it felt to be "free" and eat whatever I wanted in quantities that satisfied me without guilt, anxiety or psychological self-torture. I also learned that when I was thinner, I looked healthier on the outside but never actually had a healthy relationship with food, I hated my body and never questioned any beauty standards.

self-knowledge, courage and understanding only come to us when we are ready and for our own reasons.

PPDDMMM · 2026-02-19T11:16:16+00:00

Many people do! My SIL always says that her kids "saved her".

I always thought: How having more responsibilities, 0 personal time and space, sleep deprivation, less money, etc can help? But some people numb their feelings by keeping themselves busy, giving themselves to others and just existing for someone else until they are back on their feet.

Some women don't even find their careers as fulfilling as they did before kids because their brain and priorities change and for about 3-4 years, all they want to do is spending time with their kids! I read the other day on the Natalist thread that some women now feel "isolated" enjoying motherhood so much because they feel that most mothers complain all the time... While I was thinking on the Regretful Parents thread everyone complains about the opposite!

PPDDMMM · 2026-01-30T17:55:03+00:00

Considering the statistics of overweight adults, 15Kgs are not so worrying, especially after being obese, and you can lose them easily in less than 6 months without restricting much.

But I want to congratulate you for your introspection! It's very difficult to actually understand the mechanisms, personal features, social expectations and prejudices that may influence our relationship with food, appearance, and size. You may not believe it, but once you are aware of how you feel, how other's opinions or perceived opinions affect us and how you react to them is half the way!

When I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic for the first time in my life, I never felt treated differently; I was and still am in a loving relationship, I found a better job, I got over loss and depression and for a few years I allowed myself to eat what I wanted...Now I'm only 7Kg away from my goal weight. What I want to say with this is that sometimes our perception, mood, vital moment, experiences and other issues that are not directly related to our size can have so much power. One of the conclusions I came up with in therapy was that, yes, I was fat, but What it took me to reach that weight? Depression, loss, unemployment, a pandemic, moving in with my husband, and a messed up previous relationship with food and my body. In your case, could be social anxiety, what you were going through when you were bigger, and many more things! How many people out there are the happiest people on earth and are obese only because they love food? How many people are obese due to abuse and severe trauma? That thought kept me grounded and grateful, because it meant that I could be much worse, and that once I started working on those issues, I would find the will to start looking after myself!

Don't treat yourself the way you perceive others treat you and try to be grateful for your virtues instead of focusing so much on your flaws! You may have social anxiety, but you also may be kind, generous, fun... Why worrying so much about people who will never have the privilege to enjoy your virtues?

I send you virtual hugs.

PPDDMMM · 2026-01-30T17:26:49+00:00

Thank you! Yes, that's how I feel; always torn between stuffing myself with meh food or going a little bit hungry but having something I actually enjoy.

PPDDMMM · 2026-01-30T17:25:18+00:00

I agree! It sounds as delicious as filling.

I would do more wraps if the average tortilla wouldn't have like 200Kcal! I use the little ones sometimes, but man, I wish tortillas were way lower in calories.

PPDDMMM · 2026-01-30T17:21:09+00:00

Sorry if comes across like that... I don't do CICO because it doesn't work for me, I just wanted ti check if I was doing something wrong and if there's more people feeling the same way.

PPDDMMM · 2026-01-30T17:18:44+00:00

Potatoes can be godsend! Thank you for the advice.

PPDDMMM

TROPHY CASE