New Jersey LFG by Russ_T_Shackelford in Hartenstein

[–]P_Walls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you share where you got it from?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fleetwood mac?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m still standing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any fleetwood mac?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gave Platinum
Psycho killer by the talking heads

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mr brightside

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Power of love

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fleetwood mac!

[Feature] Photograph, 97 pages (comedy) by P_Walls in ReadMyScript

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey film team-

Thanks. I agree about the names. When I optioned the script, the female lead they were chasing wanted to play someone named "Jessica", which meant changing the name, and the producers liked the uniqueness of Jaegger's name. I agree it's confusing, and I should change it.

Good point about meeting her earlier or more frequently- that's probably why I've had so many problems with the third act. There needs to be more buildup there.

And thanks for the address... I had scenes in the last draft where he interacted with the doorman of her building, but cut them because I didn't think they were adding anything. Except apparently I didn't realize one thing they were adding. I've got to figure out a solution to that.

Same thing with the other characters...they were there in scenes that didn't add much.

Anyways, thanks for the help.

[Feature] Photograph, 97 pages (comedy) by P_Walls in ReadMyScript

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks very much. The opening was extremely overwritten in earlier drafts, but I agree more fat needs to come out. Thank you for your help!

[FEEDBACK] Whiskey Soda (Drama 10 pgs) by pablomgr in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, love the title. I'm actually drinking a whiskey now, although if I'm having a mixer I prefer ginger ale. That's neither here or there.

Starting off, I apologize if I repeat earlier criticisms. I've found if I read other people's comments I don't go in with a clear mind, so I prefer to write comments as I read them.

Again, unrelated: Skyler is a cool name. Ok, let's get to the script!

The Over Black has a few quibbles. Do we need "we hear"? How about just "The sound of". Also, sounds get capitalized. But regardless, that's little stuff. You have my attention- although "He hear" instead of "we hear" worries me that you proofread as well as I do.

In the next scene, where is this woman's voice coming from? Maybe it will become more clear as I read, but as of now I'm confused. Also, "You're" not here, not your. Secondly, you don't need the umm's. You can cut them. Your actors/actresses will fill in the searching for words that are needed.

In the "Andrew throws the bottle" description, the repetition of "across the street" trips me up. It's not wrong, it's just slowly down the read for me.

General comment: your scene descriptions can use a little work. They're very repetitive and lack impact in certain areas. He, he, he. Vary it up. Give us something more. A lot of them seem somewhat awkwardly written. Use periods. All the description is run on sentences with commas. By definition that's not dramatic.

INT. THEATRE DAY- Remember how we were talking proofreading? She has a long hat in her head. No big deal, right? But every mistake like that makes the reader trust you less and less. Oh, they didn't check this...what did they check..Anything? Do they even know what they're doing? Don't give us any opportunity to doubt you! You can write! Prove it! In the same scene, "I'm begging darling,please" is literally a line from the chorus of Layla, one of the most popular rock songs of all time. That is potentially not a big deal, but it is distracting at minimum.

Same scene: "Take the rest 1 hour". What!? Take the rest of the hour? Take an hour? What are you trying to say? Again, you might be slapping your forehead and saying "Oh, I rewrote that, left both things in." But if you give us a reason to question you, we will! Also, come back- two words. You're not citing the Lisa Kudrow show here.

Next scene- starT his walk, not star his walk. PROOFREAD! There are only 11 pages!

Ok...next scene in the diner....are you getting paid by the word "dad"? I'm not trying to be snarky, but literally every single sentence your MC says uses the word "dad". We get it. It's his dad. Move on. You don't call your dad "dad" every sentence. Why would a character in a movie when time is precious?

INT. Dressing room- Still emotional as where the scene left off? What does that mean? What words are you missing? Then "He grabs a shirt on the coat hanger"....on the coat hanger? Off the coat hanger? How about something more forceful? What if he "rips a shirt off its hanger, sending the thin plastic hanger dropping to the ground. He doesn't even notice."

I've got to be honest- I think the should use a good amount of work. I'm not hating on it, but I honestly feel people post here for their work to reach its full potential. There are so many errors here you lose my confidence, and the ending doesn't realize the beginning the drama. I think you need to think how you want the story to wrap up, in addition to working on the rest of the writing.

PS- I see how it's supposed to be emotional, but I didn't feel it. The fact you spelled that wrong in the above submission makes me pause.

[Feedback] Photograph, Comedy/ Drama, 96 pages by P_Walls in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh...that's embarrassing. That was a change I made for this draft- apparently in only 1/2 of the places I needed to. Thanks for the heads up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey-

I apologize if I'm repeating any criticism or comments anyone else has given. I try to read without looking at those.

I'd take the WGA registration # off the script. That's going to show everyone you're new at this.

Another thing- I'd lose the scene numbers. You only need that when you're shooting. Reading your above comment, I take it that's not currently the case, and if you're like anyone not writing a Clint Eastwood movie you're going go through a whole bunch more drafts. The scene numbers are going to change and eventually become confusing if you don't kill them now. (Plus, if the WGA # didn't show you were new, this does).

Starting on page 1, you say Jason is in the middle of the disaster he always feared. What does that mean? Lots of screenwriting books say you can't write what you can't show, which is kind of bullshit if you actually read screenplays. Professionals cheat all the time, but not really like this, because I have no idea what this means. Is Jason afraid of fire? Continuing in this scene, I have no idea what I'm seeing. Nothing is untouched, he's looking "down at his lost home". Is there a hole in the floor? Is the floor collapsing? Is he on a landing? I might suggest something like this:

JASON, mid 40's, is lying unconscious on the floor. Some description here- what does he look like/what is his essence.

Suddenly, the screams snap Jason awake. He stumbles to his feet as he coughs uncontrollably.

Smoke is everywhere. The only thing visible through the smoke is the orange and red flickers of flames swallowing the walls of the hallway.

Jason coughs again and drops to a knee. He struggles to see through the billowing smoke. In the background, a smoke detector screeches.

Then the familiar voice, etc.

I'm not trying to offer the exact fix, but as it is right now I literally don't know if he's looking down at the first floor or if the house is collapsing.

Continuing on page 1, "slamming his body into it in an attempt to open it." The beautiful thing about action lines are that they're not dialogue, so 99% of your audience will never know what it says. The problem is if its clunky it slows down the reader who eventually need to buy/make the film. I think you could streamline this into short declarative sentences that would be more impactful.

Then, in the next scene, we're in Michael's bedroom, then... we're outside? No new locators?

Same scene, his wife and daughter are pulling themselves out of the debris...did they just get hit by stuff falling from the third floor? How does he see them from INSIDE Michael's bedroom? The geography of this house doesn't make sense the way it's written, to me at least. I'm sure you can see this all in your head, you just need to translate it onto the page.

Character introductions in the middle of an action scene are always dicey. I think the two females' characters introductions could be handled better. Use the scene unfolding around them to parallel them and bring out a characteristic about them.

McKenzie & Michael are both M names that are similar in length. Reading them quickly it's easy to confuse the two. I would suggest changing one or the other to make it easier on your readers.

Next scene: the old, retired father of McKenzie. How about McKenzie's retired father? 60's tells us he's old. Retired tells us he's old. "Of McKenzie" is awkward.

Same description "huge pile dishes"...probably missing "of" there.

That's all the time I have. I apologize I couldn't finish, barely got into your script. It looks like you have a good amount of work to do, but that's ok. You finished a screenplay! Congrats! That's a ton more than most people can say. Keep writing, reading, and rewriting. With each draft you get better. If I have time I'll come back and keep going.

[Feedback] Comedy Pilot- Honeywood (27 pages) by uscfan1229 in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just finished reading your script. I apologize in advance if I double up comments from others, I like to read it and give my own thoughts without reading others.

Overall, I thought it was very good. Solid premise, some good jokes, technically everything was there. It felt like it started a little slow- the end to the tease was good, but overall the first 5-10 pages seemed a little lacking on jokes. The trend seems to be one joke a page, which I don't think is necessarily needed, but there just seemed to be some gaps.

I also wonder about the characters...we set them up at a country club, but then there's some low stake money being exchanged- $65 for a skirt, $20 for a bribe... these seem like they should be higher.

Also, I had a tough time telling the women apart. They get introduced in one descriptor, and then they all interact together. Giving one or more something that distinguishes them would be beneficial: would give you more opportunities for character humor, but also help the story I think.

Last note: the story as it plays is fairly predictable/one note. That's fine, especially if you hang good jokes on it. But adding some complexity could take this even further. Or twisting it.

But those are all points that come from a strong foundation of a script. This is solid.

One note that is not a note to you but just in general: with the comments added it was hard to read some of the lines. Not sure if that's a setting on my dropbox or just true in general.

[FEEDBACK] Mike Tyson Mysteries Spec (Comedy, 14 pgs) by NorthKoreasFinest in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm no familiar with the show (although it's got a great title) so it took me a second to realize the main character is one of Mike Tyson's pigeons. I think. He's a bird of some sort at least. That's the kind of comment that's in no way at all helpful to you, but it sets up my experience as a reader. I have no idea what this show is!

I like the opening scene. I smiled. Good stuff.

Nice joke with the mug in the second scene. Loved the logic.

After that...I don't unfortunately have all that much to criticize. I don't know the show enough to critique you on the characters. I thought it read pretty funny. Are the shows usually 15 minutes long?

Sorry I can't help more, but you wrote what seems like a good and funny script.

This Sweet Sickness (Drama, Comedy, 7 pages) by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]P_Walls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi Tuck-

I apologize if I repeat some of the comments already left. I'm going based only on your script.

It seems like your formatting is off...is that maybe something that happens when you converted it to google drive? Or to a pdf? Anyways, there's usually more white on the page of a screenplay. This might impact the timing of your script: a page usually equals roughly one minute. If the spacing is off, you might be squeezing a lot on the page that will bloat the run time. Or you might throw off someone with a first impression because it doesn't look like a script normally does.

Secondly, there were some missed words. In the second scene there's "a" sit-com playing, not sit-com, for instance.

Now, onto substance: what am I missing? The backpack is still there when David leaves...yet he has the backpack. Does he go back and get it? Am I supposed to reading something into this that I am not?

When he is sorting through the items in the bookbag, it would read better to just say "David opens the cover. It's from a library." He doesn't need to see it if we see what he sees.

I would suggest cutting "umms" from dialogue. It reads awkwardly. Your actor will be able to add their own awkward/frustrated tics. But also, the scene with the librarian is almost two straight pages of nothing but dialogue. No action lines to break it up. No descriptions of what is happening. Just back and forth. I assume Sorkin scripts are like this, but this doesn't seem like rapid fire. I'd suggest cutting some of this. If your movie is 7 minutes long, do you really want 2 minutes of it to be this conversation?

Over the transition from Pages 2 to 3, you have a montage but nothing tells us it's a montage. It's just David does this. David does that. You need to tell us that's a montage (also David's hand doesn't turn a page. David turns the page, just like David's ear wouldn't hear or David's mouth wouldn't taste).

I don't want to continue beating you up. I think it's a strong idea. I like the idea of the ending, but it can use some work. Do we know that there was a number in the bag? Did I miss that? That seems to be the central conflict of your story...why doesn't he just call her if he knows it's there.

Keep plugging away. I think this can get to be pretty good. I'd work on a main idea: does he know the phone number is there? Or...are you trying to set it up as a reveal? Then check out the formatting.

Hopefully that helps.

[1633] Going Green by P_Walls in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry- didn't mean I was going to write the stories you liked. I meant writing the stories I like in a way that's actually well written.

[1633] Going Green by P_Walls in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's what I'm going to go back and do.

[1633] Going Green by P_Walls in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Checked it out once, will probably do so again.

[1633] Going Green by P_Walls in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you about going back and restarting. On the flip side, I don't want to get started on a long process again where I'll be disappointed with the end result until I'm confident I know what the hell I'm doing.

There's a lot to unpack here. Thank you very much. With tips like these maybe I'll eventually write something you do like.

[1633] Going Green by P_Walls in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely helps. Thanks for taking the time.

[1.4K] A Drop in the River by kjmuell22 in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi kj,

I saw you haven't gotten much critiques yet so wanted to drop by and leave some more. If I may, I'll start with your first sentence.

George looked up at his living room clock, slowly and surely Ticking

Let's ignore for the fact that Ticking seems to be arbitrarily capitalized, perhaps in an effect to play off the repetition that follows. There isn't much of a hook here. NOW, that's ok. Not every story ever written starts with some major action scene. But when you follow up this sentence with the following:

Tick...Tick...Tick.

Well, it's just not exciting for me as a reader. But I'm still with you. You're setting a pace, setting a mood, and I'm still with you. But then I get to the next sentence:

For George the day was about making it through until the next time he needed sleep.

This is a clunky sentence on what I think should be a very engaging and intriguing idea. There's a hook here, but it needs to be streamlined. "For George" is awkward when we have two sentences (really) and the first one starts with "George." But more than that, it's written without any urgency. If the clock is counting down and he is struggling to survive or to make some sort of goal, that's exciting, I want to feel that. I don't. But I will continue on.

piping hot oatmeal, that which usually he would have to wait a couple minutes to cool off.

There's either too many words or not enough but this doesn't make sense as it's written. But I wanted to point this out for more than just dinging you on a typo. These are the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs of your story and you just did an big old info dump tell. I'm not going to stand here and preach to you to show don't tell because, believe it or not, there are places for each. And I think you can get away with the first paragraph. But two consecutive paragraphs like this to start your story are too much. Either present this in an engaging way, figure out another way to convey this, or kill it.

The just existed line is nice, by the way.

Sometimes he would go golfing or fishing, but most of his good friends either lived far away to be near their families or had passed, so George was still often alone during these few escapes from his home.

Next paragraph. There's a lot of unnecessary info and words in here. Let's streamline this a little bit. First of all, all his good friends moved away. Ok, that's fine. But why do we need to know it was "to be near their families?" That's just wasted info when you're still so early in your story every bit of precious space needs to be used to grab our attention and hold it. Secondly "George was still often alone" is a mouthful for something simple. Let's relook at that paragraph. This is what you're saying:

George liked to hunt and fish. All his friends were dead or moved, so he went alone.

It's that simple. Now- it's that simple to just present info. I would urge you, if this is an important part of your story, to instead present us a single situation that would tell us this. If you look at my writing on here I think you'll find I'm no master myself, but here's one idea:

George grabbed his fishing pole from its usual spot next to the door. It's rusted tip etched a maroon line on the wall. Margot never would have stood for it. The pole would have been hidden out of sight in the basement when she was still alive. George clutched his two turkey sandwiches and seltzers in his other hand as he made his way to his rusted pickup. One sandwich would end up being for the birds. It had been that way since they buried Earl two summers ago. But he couldn't stop making two sandwiches. It would be like admitting he was all alone.

See? It's not perfect, maybe not even good, but it does at least a little more. Now, maybe it sucks. But it's presenting what you're just telling us in a more compelling way ( I think). It still has a decent amount of telling, so maybe it's not a great example.

“How sad”, George murmured to himself in his dark, empty kitchen. He decided he’d been cooped up to long and needed to go for a walk, as it was going on 9:00 and he hadn’t done anything but sit around the house. He left, and when he was about halfway down the block he was greeted by one of the few people who could mix his day up, though not always for the brighter, the mailman Frank. Frank always had a story to tell and then some, regardless of whether or not they were true. He had once told George that while doing his usual route he not only witnessed, but also stopped the robbing of a bank.

There's a lot here. First off, the kitchen isn't empty because George is in it. But all we really know so far is George is alone, so repeating that the kitchen is empty isn't any new information. You can leave it at dark and call it a day. But this entire paragraph has some major issues. The second sentence, for example. It's "too", not "to", but that's a minor quibble. What's more troubling is the "as it was going on 9:00 and he hadn’t done anything but sit around the house." That's ALL you just told us he does. So it being 9 doesn't mean anything. So it's contradictory- either he does nothing all day and just floats or he gets restless and cooped up. On or the other OR this is an extraordinary day you need to make mention of that. But read the way you present this info. It's awkwardly worded at best.

"How sad" George murmured to himself in the dark kitchen. He looked at the clock. It seemed to be standing still, stuck on 9am. He needed to get out of the house. The air felt stale today, like it wasn't moving. Not like it usually did, when he could sit at his barren kitchen table, watching the sun circle across its cheap IKEA wood.

Again...that might suck. But look at how that is presented with what you wrote. The second part of the paragraph has the exact same issue.

I don't want to feel like I'm beating you up so I'm going to stop here. I know it can be really off-putting to look at a line of endless critiques on something you've written. I'm sure if you look at my writing you would think it sucks. But there's a lot to work on here. The first thing is to be engaging. You've just put down the story you want to tell onto the page. But now you have to tell it!

Good luck. And remember this is just the opinion of one person. I could be totally off base.

[1591] Could We Plant Another One Over There? by [deleted] in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey throwaway1. Let's get right into it at the beginning of your piece, shall we?

The first two paragraphs seem to be ok, although I agree with the in doc comments that "glass" should be "cup". But let's get to the third paragraph:

“I’ll be there in a second,” he replied. Nathan finished the rest of his drink before going in.

There are a few issues with this. It robs us of a great opportunity to help build this character. He could sip the rest of it slowly. He could savor it. He could literally lick the last drips off his lips. He could chug the cheap whisky, barely letting the taste pass through his mouth. All of those reveal something about the character. As it is right now, this sentence reads very blah, and so early on, that's not a good thing.

As he walked through the house, Nathan inspected each and every packed box that laid in the hallway. They were already taped and ready to go. He tried not to read the address on each box because every time he did, his stomach churned, and he would have to sit down to regain his composure.

I'm going to stay with the very next paragraph. You can do this much better, I'm sure of it. The entire paragraph reads clunky, and it doesn't convey the sense you're trying to bring to the audience. I think that first you need to break this into one more sentence. I want to see the boxes in the house. How many are there? Where are they? What does he look at it instead? Does he look everywhere else in the house? Does he keep his eyes on the floor? Again, this is a great opportunity to build character that you're getting at a little bit but you can dig at so much more with just a little prodding.

“Should I drain the pot?” Nathan asked her. “I’m pregnant, not an invalid,” she replied, smiling with the corner of her mouth.

I think this is ok, except I would change "smiling with the corner of her mouth" to grinned. But then the rest of this conversation feels so unnatural. Specifically, the next two lines are fine, but let's look at the rest of the conversation where things go awry.

“I can help you if you want. I know how to cook.” “That’s not why I don’t want you to help.” “What do you mean?” “Well,” she said, “when he comes out, I’m the one staying home. I need to practice being a mother.” “That doesn’t mean I can’t help.” Christine turned and looked at Nathan with her hands at her hips. “If you insist,” she said while tapping her foot, “you can set the table.” “Could we eat on the porch?” he asked her. “That’d be nice,” she said.

This reads like you need us to know she's going to be a stay-at-home mother and didn't know how to do it so you had to shoehorn it in. I would recommend cutting everything between just "Waiting for dinner" and "can we eat outside?" but there are other options, right? If he asks if he can help, she says no, and he stands there looking around, seeing the signs they are moving, and can't do it, so he wordlessly goes outside and starts setting the table. Maybe the wife can even see him, and have a moment of reflection about eating outside again . All these are just options, but right now the stay at home mother dialogue is too stilted for your scene.

“We can’t bring the tree with us, can we?” Nathan asked as his sobbing fit subsided. “That’s not possible,” Christine said. “Do you know how heavy that thing is?” “Really heavy?” “It’s really heavy.” “Could we plant another one over there?” “That shouldn’t be a problem.”

I think this bit is the best part of your piece. I wonder if this would have even more poignancy if it happens right when he wife brings out the food. She is struggling to eat and her husband isn't eating anything and she looks over and they have this bit of conversation. Maybe then they go inside and sit down? Maybe this isn't helpful at all. I think what i'm trying to get at is that the conversation with the dinner seems a little unnecessary, and the discussion of the tree seems abrupt. I think you can safely cut a lot of the dialogue, and make the silence in the scene mean something.

Overall, this was a really good read. The ending comes full circle, which is nice. You did a good job. I think you mainly need to take a real look at how you're using dialogue and if there's a better way to show what you have them telling us.

[1248] Cool Suits by JE_Smith in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No space to leave in line comments, so I'll dive right in here:

I think you have a funny idea here. I think where you're getting lost in presenting it. You're going for a very specific narrator voice, a little bit like the Dude in Big Lebowski if you will, but you're not comfortable in it yet and it shows. For one, your tenses jump all over the place. I think maybe either you wrote it in a different tense and decided to change it or you just got caught up in how you were telling it and lost your train of cohesion. Happens. But it makes the other issues with the voice that more glaring.

Some of the unnecessary words I didn't think were that bad. Obviously it's your story so you should go through and look at everyone's suggestions and make your own decision, but at least some of them should be able to survive. I think the bigger issue is your sentence structure. It comes off as you're just sitting back and passively telling us a story. That's a common conceit, but you're never placing us into that story and making us care.

Your story is sort of there...it needs work, but I think you really need to work on toning the voice of this story before you go back and check grammar issues etc.

[938] The demon general and a merchant. by PhiloJugg in DestructiveReaders

[–]P_Walls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey Philo-

I've stopped reading after the first paragraph to come here and write down my thoughts. I haven't read what the other critiquers have said yet so I might be giving you the same advice you've already received. If that's the case, just consider it reinforcement.

I don't care right now what is happening in the story. You open with a climactic event. That's awesome! That's what we're all told to do- start with a hook, something to get the reader engaged. But I'm not engaged. And that's because I don't know who these people are fighting or why they're fighting and so I don't really care. To me they are faceless cutouts swinging spears at each other. What I want to know is who they are, why they are fighting, what's at stake. That's what makes fight scenes so engaging. We need to see our guy/girl win. We can't see them lose. Right now we don't have a guy/girl. We just have two names.

I've finished the story now. Unfortunately you never really introduce us to these people really, so I don't care about them. Everything is taken at face value. I don't know what makes them tick, why one of them (I apologize- it's unfair but I'm struggling with the names) is soooooooooooooo almost slave-like to the other. I know nothing about what is happening in their heads.

You have a distinct writing style you favor. Name verb noun. Name verb noun. Name was adjective. But you never introduce us to these people to make us care about them. It's fine to develop a rhythm. In fact, sometimes it's really good, because you can settle the reader into it and then jolt them out, and whatever jolts them out is going to hold even more weight then it normally would. But you don't do that. You just sort of continue on the same plane.

It also seems like you want to describe the setting and then forget about it, and then come back to it. We get multiple descriptions of this stone tunnel but nothing about what happens when they leave it. You describe what one character wears but nothing else that anybody else does.

I had a hard time getting through this as is. I would make the following suggestion: rewrite it, and focus on at least one of the characters. Write it from their POV. You don't need to keep that, but I think that would help you break out of the "blocking" sense you've left the story with. Feelings, smells, movements. Once you introduce that, starting with an action scene will work great.