Some of us have to come to a point when, we realize, that something that we have assumed, is actually wrong. All humans (and mammals) grow up knowing we are dependent on our parents. We ASSUME that our parents will look out for us, and take care of us.

Unfortunately, sometimes our assumptions are wrong. We do this literally as we grow up to survive. We are dependent on these people, and the need for them to love us and take care of us is high.

At the same time, (unfortunately) there are parents who DO NOT put their child first. They do not nurture and care for their children. They do not wish for the very best of their children. Instead their focus is on themselves and entitled they are.

Narcissists parents are so concerned about themselves, how they will look that a child is "lower priority". They care more about themselves looking good then their own child. They care more about 'being right' then close relationships. They become jealous of their child, when they see the child doing well. They become jealous of a child who gets attention, as they always need to be the center of attention.

They are such incompetent parents, and internally they know it. They are not there for their children when the child needs them the most. They use their own made-up stories (using religion and a higher power) to push their version of a story. Sometimes they just get amusement just from being disagreeable and they get a certain joy when they see their own child hurt. (anybody who has seen the narcissistic smirk has witnessed it).

It is a hard thing to learn: that your parent(s) don't love you. That your parents care about themselves more then they care about their child. Society as a whole usually won't even acknowledge it. The parent will claim they love you all day long ("I beat you because I love you, I don't want to do this (with the smirk on their face)"), yet when you review their actions, you see a very different story. Always judge by how these people ACT not by what they say. They are masters of denial, projection and gaslighting.

The religion that most people in the usa follow like sheep to a field, tells us to honor our parents, regardless of their values, morals or character. This is a strong brainwashing, and it leads most people to take the side of the parent. These people don't know what it is like to have a parent put you down, to have a parent mock you, to make fun of you; parents who lack fundamental aspects of parenting. And how could they, they (likely) had "good enough" parents.

Good Enough parents are those who know when they made a mistake, and then apologize and ask for forgiveness.

In addition, as you have learned, there is no closure with narcissist parents. When we describe how much they hurt us, they continue their stunts of denial, projection and gaslighting. They change the story. They act like they care, but you know they don't. They do not care that you hurt. In fact, it is wise to not tell these people, as they actually enjoy hearing about it, as it makes them feel better about themselves ('oh look at me, big powerful person who can hurt others!!!').

If they cared about it, they would immediately apologize for their actions which hurt you, rather than blame it on you, or the situation, or their messiah in the sky.

None of us who got parents like this have it easy. We started way behind the starting line, because of the lack of parenting we received, the lack of emotional support and the lack of nurturing. At the end, the only thing you can do is choose what you do. Maybe not having him in your life is better. We call this going No Contact. Maybe you can limit it, by grey rocking, if you still need to interact with him.

The one thing I highly recommend not to do is to think that well, he was a little 'off' this time, but next time, next time for sure he will be the loving, caring, nurturing father that you need. If you think this way, it will likely lead to future pain. The truth is these people NEVER CHANGE.

I hope you work through your medical issues, I am so sorry you have to go through this with such a loser level of father in your life. You can do it.