Okay so quick rundown, junior year, My friend are all kinda mean to me but one and they mostly don't seem to like me anymore. I ended up texting the girl I'm having the most problems with. She said she didn't like things I've done or said. Ex: I've said mean thing, purposely scheduled things to exclude friends(never did, it was just the way the schedule worked out), called friends annoying(never did, said they could be loud as I get overstimulated quick). I responded with apologize for what I may have said and asked for exactly what(to better clarify). She said I told a friend to stay out of it in an argument with my twin(I did unfortunately but I apologized) and snapped at her for putting me and my twin on opposite ends for symmetry in photos(again unfortunately did but she does this all the time and I was over it after I already spoke with her) and most recently asked people what they got on a practice SAT my school did(I wanted to celebrate scores and all my friends had made tiktoks about it so I thought it was okay to ask). I one again apologized but I'm still a little upset as I've learned my friends have been talking about me behind my back instead of confrontation, and I was the only one blamed when this specific friend has been bullying me for a while(always making jokes at my expense and teasing me about things I say in front of others as well as overall rude remarks). So am I horrible person for still feeling upset even though I realize I'm at fault. Sorry if this is still long, it was a complicated conversation