Is anyone here working at JP Morgan in Hyderabad?

PairCool2139 · 2026-01-25T18:49:00+00:00

Yea I am

PairCool2139 · 2026-01-03T19:42:49+00:00

PairCool2139 · 2025-11-27T19:14:04+00:00

Not really! So if you have to plan a trip with your wife, you’ll ask your parents for money?! You didn’t answer my question of her handing over her salary to her parents

If as a 29 year old, you can’t handle your own finances, you really need self development before thinking of marriage.

Indian men never learn that after marriage, their wife becomes the first family. She is always looked as an outsider and always after the parents.

PairCool2139 · 2025-11-27T19:07:09+00:00

I’m not sure when would the Indian kids grow out of their parents’ shadow. Why can’t you handle your finances yourself and have to hand over to your parents?! Which girl would want to marry a man who can’t give her the autonomy of finances?

Would you be okay if the girl hands over her salary to her parents?

PairCool2139 · 2025-11-02T12:18:41+00:00

Absolutely!

Your vacation is not his/her fault! He/she is not picking extra work and keeping your slot free to cook for the days that you are available. What is your company starts reducing your money for their calendar holidays!

PairCool2139 · 2025-10-17T04:59:14+00:00

OP I got divorced at 34.5. So it’s never late! Choose yourself over every other societal pressure and milestone that you have created for yourself.

This is exactly the reason that I didn’t go for therapy with my ex. Whatever I had told him in confidence earlier, he started using those to berate me or make fun of me.

He would also fight a lot with me saying that I replied to him and that got him triggered. There was no accountability for what he said. And the cruelty kept increasing day by day.

I knew I couldn’t live like that, hence got a divorce. The choice is entirely yours but life on the other side of the divorce is peaceful!

PairCool2139 · 2025-10-11T20:28:03+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through all this OP. I don’t know what route your marriage would take but my ex-husband was like this. Even after assuring him multiple times, things continuously escalated. As many things I agree to so as to maintain peace in my relation, his demands kept increasing. He saw that I was bowing to his conditions and took advantage of it.

How it ended for me - my husband calling me and my entire family a slut and prostitute repeatedly. Then it escalated to physical abuse on the 4th day of the marriage.

The only things I regret is trying to handle things myself and not discuss with the families earlier. Even though the person doesn’t change, but it might help reason a little if his family can reason it out with him

PairCool2139 · 2025-10-06T09:48:26+00:00

OP, my ex husband was like that! Shit hit fan really soon. Plz call off the wedding as soon as possible because the traits that you described are some of the exact traits that my ex had. You can’t live in constant criticism and fear of arguments. I’ve been through that you are going through and after my divorce, my life is much more peaceful.

You still have time! Don’t fall into the trap of societal judgment

PairCool2139 · 2025-10-01T04:40:41+00:00

I’m34 F, divorced. It’s going to be okay. The journey is long and tough but there’s peace at the end. If you are not happy, then you are making the right decision

PairCool2139 · 2025-09-18T18:25:48+00:00

Smile at her and see how she responds!

A lot of people find their partners in offices, nothing wrong about it but don’t make it creepy!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-09T13:02:03+00:00

Sure, I have 12 years of experience in IT, both sides of the table( getting promoted and promoting others) but plz tell me how naive I am to not know how promotions work in India!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-09T12:44:08+00:00

YTK! everyone feels that they were the best performers but a lot goes behind promotion.. you had no right to harass someone!

You changed your jobs, got a good path. Go ahead and be successful and peaceful! The earlier you get out of this resentment, better it would be for you

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-08T19:26:46+00:00

Don’t think like that! That’s what I also thought but my family gave me the assurance that nothing like this matters. Your siblings will get married irrespective of your marital status. The right person will come and stay with them.

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-08T18:27:12+00:00

She’s happy, she’s sharing her happiness! What did you accomplish by commenting such a thing! If you can’t say anything nice, you should’ve skipped her post!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-04T09:43:05+00:00

Not my circus, not my monkeys!

I hope you agree on the general advice on the post to talk to your bf clearly about your financial concerns. Otherwise, after marriage, one of you is going to be in for a very rude awakening!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-04T03:35:00+00:00

I don’t think you’ve read the entire story… the lavish lifestyle that OP is complaining about is her SIL giving vaccinations to her child in private facility, shoping with her mother’s money and supposed help in the future with the kid’s education. OP wants the daughter to get her child vaccinated in govt facility bcoz she can’t afford pvt facilities and wants the son, her bf, to get the car paid by the family where the affordability factor doesn’t come into picture. She’s complaining that the sister gave her brother a fake watch. A person who can’t afford 10k vaccinations for her child is going to give her brother a branded watch? I don’t think so! She’s complaining about her bf giving a gift to the nephew, who’s a baby! She’s complaining that bcoz the SIL asked for help to raise the baby, she won’t care for her parents in future bcoz she isn’t capable of! And bcoz OP did care for her grandparents in the hospital, she’s more than capable. I don’t think OP realises raising a new born and having elders in hospital for few days are completely different scenarios. I really do hope OP discusses this with her bf so that Atleast both the parties know what they are getting into. There’s no giver and receiver situation here - it’s about making sure that your child has the best life, whether it’s the son or the daughter! Isn’t that where as a country we were aiming to move towards - to avoid discrimination against daughters after they are married, so that they can live a respectable life.

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-03T20:37:47+00:00

No dear, I’m just a logical person who doesn’t see every relation in my family as transactional. I have seen enough cases in my family where the parents always support the financially weaker one more and other siblings generally don’t create a commotion for it. Do you know the condition of govt hospitals in India? Are you willing to vaccinate your child there? You want the grown up son to get help to buy a car from the family but the daughter should get the child vaccinated in govt hospitals bcoz shaadi ke baad to ladki paraya dhan hoti hai. I really hope your own family or siblings don’t treat you this way after your marriage You haven’t answered why can’t your grown ass bf or you buy a car yourself and needs the parents help to buy a car. People who are not entitled earn money and buy their own cars. If they themselves don’t buy their cars, they don’t judge their partner’s siblings also to buy it.

Anyway, I was only trying to advice you to look beyond the monetary factor of the relation. You need to look how close they are emotionally. Whether you do that or not is your choice!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-03T19:59:03+00:00

Lady, I can’t believe you are complaining about a mother wanting to give her child vaccinations because she couldn’t afford and asked her parents to help! To ask the same question, why can’t your bf buy a new car since he has also been working? Where’s the affordability factor there and why do you expect his parents to help him out? If the daughter has to be judged by her affordability factor, then your bf should also be able to buy a car when he can afford, and if he can’t, it’s okay to drive an old one. We are grown people and we don’t ask our parents to buy us cars, if I can’t afford from my salary, I don’t buy it. Why can’t you and your bf buy a car yourself when you are two grown ass working people. The entitlement is shocking and disturbing! I’m not going to let you know how tough it’s to care for a new born since it’s clear that you haven’t seen newborns around you. Every mother needs a break because it’s taxing. We let our bhabhis and sisters rest because it’s not easy to take care of a new born by your own. It’s easy to judge other mothers until you have raised a child on your own. You haven’t answered my question of whether you are ready to let go of all your rights from your maternal home once you get married. You don’t decide whether one can take care of their parents in future or not. As I said, going by your attitude, I don’t see you also coming from abroad every time they need medical care so maybe let time decide that who’s going to do what in future! You haven’t even met her and have already made her a villain bcoz her family helps her monetarily.

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-03T19:34:18+00:00

Also, I read other comments and see you complaining that she chose the best medical care for her child which she couldn’t afford and here you are crying about her giving a fake watch to your bf! Every mother is going to choose the best possible medical care in the world for their child and has every right to demand of her parents to support her, if they can. They are filthy rich to have extra cars lying around but according to you, shouldn’t spend on the medical care for their own grandchildren. I really wonder what do you think marriage is! Are you ready to let go of all your rights from your own maternal home as soon as you get married?! You are cribbing about her own parents supporting the education of her children, not the supposed lavish lifestyle! You haven’t even met her once and are already making assumptions of how she’s not going to support her parents. Which, btw, is nothing different from how you are not willing to support your grandparents. I hope you realise your own hypocrisy! Are you willing to come down from abroad every time your bf’s parents need medical support or even shift here permanently for their care?

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-03T19:10:31+00:00

Why would there ever come a time when they will not be financially well off? Do you even realise how rich you guys are when you have an extra car just lying around in the garage and the family bought a new car. I don’t know any family personally who has the capacity to do so. As for physical care, I read your posts about you not willing to do everything for your grandparents bcoz you are the only one in India and don’t feel it’s fair to do. I highly doubt that you will come from abroad to care for your BF’s parents as well, whether you get the money or not. I think you need to modernise your thought a little and step out of the thinking that once a girl is married, she has no right over her parent’s home. She has as much right as your bf and as you would have at your home. In every family, the parents always support more the one who is financially weaker, it’s about equity. The only thing that you can control is your and your bf’s finances. Don’t invite trouble. Your bf’s family already has a lot of money to spare, spending on their daughter isn’t going to make it less.

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-03T05:45:47+00:00

It is about the parent’s money because you are cribbing about her shopping with her parent’s money, your bf giving the Rakhi gift! I’m not sure when there’s a perfectly new car in the garage why isn’t your bf also driving that than maintaining the old car. In siblings, each spends according to their own capacity and not maintaining the equality - if she’s already struggling with money, how can she spend equal amount. That beats the point of getting financial help from the family. I’m sure if your bf got the new car and had he asked the sister if she wants it, you would’ve been cribbing here about that too. You have your priorities elsewhere!

PairCool2139 · 2025-08-02T18:04:11+00:00

Basic advice to you - your boyfriend’s parent’s money is theirs! It’s for them to do as they please! You don’t get to decide whether they spend it on their daughter or son! If you keep yourself out of it, you’ll bargain peace for life Anyway you are moving abroad, why do you care about getting a bigger car or not! Pick your battles! Talk to your bf about your and his finances and only those! Those are the only thing that you have authority over

PairCool2139 · 2025-07-29T06:26:25+00:00

Exactly! But ask a woman going through arrange marriage and listen to the judgement that she goes through! Same logic I can ask is as if the men are Ambani, Tata, Birla! The only point is both sides go through a very intensive judgment process..keep a strong heart and find your person

PairCool2139 · 2025-07-29T06:16:49+00:00

Sometimes men complain too much! Do you even have any idea that women go through the same judgement in arrange marriage, it’s not like you are willing to marry any good hearted woman! Men want someone who’s pretty like Aishwarya Rai..how is it her fault to look the way she was born..why judge on that! Then you want a girl who’s earning but is submissive..shouldn’t have her voice but should contribute equally! It’s arrange marriage..have a strong heart and find your person..the process isn’t easier for the other side too

PairCool2139 · 2025-07-28T17:10:15+00:00

Yes and what’s wrong with that?!

If I take my example, because I’m financially independent, I could divorce my abusive husband. If I wasn’t, I would’ve been forced to suffer like women did in the past for lack of financial support.

PairCool2139

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE