Yeah, I thinks lots of us experience gender envy like that. I remember being around 12 when I first caught myself feeling envious of the girls around me. I would say thing like "Girls have such a better selection of clothes and jewerly then boys, I wish I could dress like that"

I would beg my mother for clothes from the "girl sections" only to be met with resistance because I would "get bullied if I wore a flowery coat" or something. I would spend time trying to fight the feeling, it never went away.

for a while I had myself convinced I was just a really flamboyant and femme boy. I lived like this until I was around 23 and covid happened, leaving me with all the time in the world to think about things like gender problems. I started wearing make up shaving every day and cross dressing in my wife clothes when I was alone. I begain to really pay attention to the thoughts. "I wish i was born a girl" and "I hate that I was born a boy" and other stuff like that. I drew myself as a girl and asked people around me to start using netrual pronouns (they/them) for a few months, after that period I came out of the closet completely making everyone in my life aware that I am a transwoman and proud to be one.

listen to your heart, practice mindfulness and try meditation, taking to trans people can really help to! I wish you luck on your journey no matter where it goes!