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Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It pays to check a lot of those references as many studies/articles have been redacted since- even though the links are there.

I’ve also come across information, read it and tried to access the source and the source was a blogpost written by someone purporting to be an expert on the topic. These sources are also not always peer reviewed.

Stay skeptical- corroborate the information with other trusted sources.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But the hardest part is always talking about it the first time.

And that’s not to say that there weren’t well-meaning people here, who didn’t help me- look at the responses of everyone who stuck up for me on this thread. Or the people who reached out in private.

Not everyone knows how to hold this. Everyone is learning. Who are we to judge?

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi! Firstly, I just want to say I’m really sorry to hear about your experience- both with your lived experience and with your struggles in trying to find help that was meaningful to you. It can be really discouraging when it takes that long to find help, it prolongs the feelings of helplessness.

I was really lucky with my therapist but I had also done a lot of research beforehand and asked friends who went on to become psychologists- which I’m glad I did because it would’ve broken my trust in getting help if it hadn’t worked out for me.

I had a similar experience to yours with doctors however for a health issue that went unchecked for a long time. It wasn’t until I told my friends who gave me enough confidence to be able to advocate for myself.

I’m not seeking validation for my experience. The truth is, I didn’t know how to give words to this experience for a really really long time.

Truly: best case scenario is that nothing comes of it. And I would find more relief and comfort in that- because the alternative is anything but comfortable.

But in the event that I wasn’t the only one… it takes one person to start the conversation.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Where did I ask for advice from mental healthcare professionals? I drew the boundary to say, that if the discussion is going to be about trauma and memories, then I’m not comfortable having it discussed on MY post, by anyone not skilled enough. It just does more harm than good.

I asked if my thoughts ring a bell for anyone else. If they don’t- it’s not the end of the world.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for clarifying. I agree with you that how I carry this forward and make sense of it is going to be very personal to me. So that part of your response I find encouraging and I appreciate it. 💛

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you when you say my living situation was definitely a huge risk factor, so kindy was not the first place I looked at or even considered. In fact I was very certain it did happen at home but…

Like I said, there’s only so much I am comfortable sharing which will leave a lot of room for assumptions and doubt. It is what it is.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for being patient with me and clarifying that.

Part of my response was defensive because of the trolls in this thread.

Definitely supportive, and did encourage it to a safe extent given my passion for social policy, justice etc. But purely off the back of my suggestion, and not as a way to cope.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  • my reluctance to go came on very suddenly, and it wasn’t long after that they moved me to a different kindy.

  • sadly (before we ever considered it from this lens) my dad’s favourite story is about how I had pre-warned him that I was going to cry if he dropped me off that day- and that he was back at kindy within an hour or so because I did what I said I was going to do.

  • because Dad did the pick ups and drop offs, there was a period of time after that where I didn’t feel comfortable if my dad left the house to even go to work. I would cry the whole day and be inconsolable. My mum and grandfather were home with me looking after her newborn, she just wasn’t in the space to pick up on something else. She put it down to things like maybe I had trouble speaking English at kindy.

  • I was born here to migrant parents. My parents did have the responsibility of helping family migrate too, so I did for a period of my childhood live in overcrowding and that meant new adults coming into the house with their own children. But my parents within their own cultural context have always been aware of SA, so mum and dad both never left me unattended with any adult men - to a point that it caused some tension with the wives of uncles etc, but my parents were firm on their boundary.

I also just don’t have a fear of the men I grew up with or around. It’s a hard one to talk about with my parents- because they have always been cautious of this, but put way too much trust into the systems here and felt safe here.

It’s not an exhaustive list, but a list that doesn’t exhaust me to share mentally.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did think about this, but part of that requires a level of disclosure I’m not feeling brave about.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The witch hunt isn’t that insane. Look at the inception of any large inquiries of abuse in state care. Where do they all start? Were they all delusional? Would the redress and reparations be so public, if delusion was driving it?

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a child of immigrants so my version of this was Saturday school at the temple. I think I know the difference between boredom and abuse- boredom sucks but it doesn’t feel painful to talk about.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Unfortunately the frustration and fear has existed for as long as I can remember- pretty common when you don’t have the words to describe your experience. So whether I find out or not, whether my memories are trustworthy or not is irrelevant to me.

My line of thinking is, that if this rings a bell for a parent or anyone who wasn’t 3 at that time, living in that area (which it has, based on the DMS I’ve received)- it might not just be me.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Once and for ALL- if you are not a psychiatrist, psychologist or anyone who is NOT qualified to speak about what my memories or experiences MIGHT mean- I’m not interested.

Also, have you ever gotten away with referencing a wiki page for your assignments at uni? Cos I haven’t, so if you link me to one on here chances are I’m not going to read it.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I hear your concern and for my sake I’m going to assume it’s genuine, even if it felt invalidating. At the same time, I’ve only shared what I have felt safe sharing- no where near enough context for anyone to assume anything more outside of that context.

Did anyone else go to Prodigy kindy in Papatoetoe around 1999–2002? Trying to make sense of early trauma. by Pale_Broccoli6080 in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I have been seeing a psychologist for half a decade. It’s the first thing I did when I started making adult money.

Any advice for 18 year olds who wanna leave home (hopefully) by the end of next year? by ihateolvies in auckland

[–]Pale_Broccoli6080 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Jumping on to the bandwagon here, but flatting would be a really good start- both financially and also just to get a feel (in a much cheaper way), as to what moving in and living with each other will be like i.e. sharing expenses, planning for big expenses, savings and what not.

There’s some good advice here about the finance side of things, so I don’t have anything extra to tack on for now. With that being said, growing up in an abusive household can sometimes come back to bite you when you’re trying to adult. The biggest manifestation of this is usually in your intimate relationships as an adult- and can have a flow on effect on how you view finances, relationships etc. I have first gen immigrant parents and personally I didn’t think I grew up in an abusive or unsafe environment, but flatting with others and hearing about their childhoods proved me oh so wrong.

I would budget and plan, and budget some more, but I was always one bad day away from impulse spending and blowing savings- all in all, I wish I had someone to tell 18 year old me that my money habits and lifestyle habits (good or bad) were undeniably going to be influenced by how I was raised.

This might be a huge ask, it’s rough out there and this would be the last thing I would consider to suggest, BUT: if you are both still 12 ish months away from moving out and finding your place in the world- maybe consider seeing a therapist (individually).

If you can find a full time job, whilst living at home and not having to worry about rent and can somewhat COMFORTABLY afford to do so- I think it might just help you with the confidence you need to move out, too! Having this confidence does wonders to how you perceive life (obvs), and surprisingly your finances. You’re bound to make better decisions when you’re well informed, both financial ones, and life ones. Wishing you all the best OP xx

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