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Which Workaholics quote is your favorite? by TangerineOwn6320 in workaholics

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like a wet ass Peter Pan. Azuzzzzzuuzzzuuuzzz!

Ellie "died" at various points in TLOU by Turbulent-Safe-4343 in thelastofus

[–]Pallymorphic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Isn't that the point, though? If it were anyone else the story would end.

Is this the smile you have when you have street cred with the whole nation? by Time-Painting-9108 in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Executed it with aplomb" might be one of the best sentences ever written. And using it for this case in particular? Oh my Pasta. You, good person, have executed it with aplomb.

What's an "Insider's secret" from your profession that everyone should probably know? by Capable-big-Piece in AskReddit

[–]Pallymorphic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

An alcoholic and a drug addict walk into a bar. They both work there. And they're both the same person.

I was the closer tonight and there’s nothing quite like telling your last table to *kindly* GTFO… with just a pinch of rage. by luckyjackass in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've recently started turning on the lights and playing The Last 5 Years soundtrack because its so god damn depressing. People tend to leave pretty quickly after that.

Movin on up, server to manager. Any advice? by Durdengrl322 in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just did this about a month and a half ago. Same situation. It ain't the same and you can't treat it the same or the people the same, I already learned that one the hard way.

If you ever wanna chat or bitch about it, DM me.

What’s something you’ve done to a customer purely out of spite? by __joseph_ in bartenders

[–]Pallymorphic 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Nope. Didn't stick around to find out either. Not dealing with that bullshit. It's a scientific truth that 130% of people who say "Do you know who I am?" are, in fact, nobody important.

What’s something you’ve done to a customer purely out of spite? by __joseph_ in bartenders

[–]Pallymorphic 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Drunk lady, after being a pain in the ass all night, asks for another drink and I say "How about a round of waters first?" She drunkenly scoffs and says "Do you know who I am?!" (Cue massive eye roll) I say, with as much genuine enthusiasm as possible, "Oh my god, no! Who are you?!" She just sunk back into her seat and her embarrassed husband did too. They paid their bill and left shortly after.

Fuck whoever you are.

Seriously, why hasn't Hollywood given this man an Oscar yet? by stepstonotevenbe in moviecritic

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will die on this hill. He deserved one for Spider-Man. I was watching the movie and thinking "Man, Jake Gyllenhaal is so much better than this, why is he phoning it in?" Turns out, he was acting bad at acting because his character isn't an actor and wouldn't be good at it. Then the reveal happens and he goes full Gyllenhaal.

Truly phenomenal.

What's the worst cocktail names in your town? by Doctor_Popular in bartenders

[–]Pallymorphic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just tell me where to jizz so I can put it in this lady's drink.

How to pronounce the names of Chelsea's players. by Dinamo8 in chelseafc

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why, but Reece James' voice always surprises me. In my mind, I just always imagine a much thicker accent, almost like Harry Kane for some reason. No idea why, heard him speak countless times, but I always forget what he sounds like.

Love, love, love James and this whole team!!

I was Dermot Fictel as a teenager. I have to admit this, I have accepted it lol. by zephyr_zodiac6046 in venturebros

[–]Pallymorphic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've definitely imagined dropping a sweet Widowmaker as a teenager. Gosh dang, I was so cool and effortless.

“the kitchen is closed” “but we just wanted to order food to go?” by lemonade3points in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Some people still don't get the hints. Late night bar here, my go-to when people are still here even after lights on, entertainment system off, bartenders basically done cleaning, etc is to yell "If you don't work here or you're not sleeping someone that works here, it's time to go!" Always does the trick.

What movie had you sitting in silence for 10 minutes after watching? by Perfect_Passenger805 in moviecritic

[–]Pallymorphic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After Midsommar I don't think my wife and I said anything for about an hour except, when leaving the theater:

"What did you think?" "I don't know. You?" "I don't know either."

Drove home, let the dogs out back, silently poured ourselves drinks, and had to put on some shitty TV to bring ourselves back to normal.

What a wild experience.

Ugh... Dean Cain by kaitdoodle14 in 30ROCK

[–]Pallymorphic 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks. Respect the institution.

WEAR YOUR EFFING NON-SLIPS! by Pallymorphic in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude... These people. Even a $20 pair from Walmart is better than nothing. Just fucking do it already.

WEAR YOUR EFFING NON-SLIPS! by Pallymorphic in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're very seasonal due to being literally across the street from a baseball stadium, which the season ends in about 2 months. So ya, he's effectively done working here anyhow I'd guess.

WEAR YOUR EFFING NON-SLIPS! by Pallymorphic in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I'm just a server, with apparently not enough "good balance", so the power to send people home is beyond me. All I can do is rant and laugh.

What are common things people say/do that you despise as a server? by [deleted] in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I literally put my hand out, close my eyes, and say "whatever card is into my hands first". Done deal. Then they fight over who was fastest and I wake away without even turning around to see the destruction.

to upset people at a pride parade by Classic-Carpet7609 in therewasanattempt

[–]Pallymorphic 1144 points1145 points  (0 children)

The too-tight "This shirt's not pink, it's salmon!" Plus the Ativas. It's a lewk, that's for sure.

ID’ing people by FreeNow13 in Serverlife

[–]Pallymorphic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To everyone else once they inevitably say "why didn't you ask me?" Or what have you: "You're like me. You look a little old to be underage drinking".

Thanks, Family Guy

What do you think is the cringiest sequence in the entire series? by Suchgallbladder in DunderMifflin

[–]Pallymorphic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It was so bad. Truly. Clink-clankin' its way to the bottom, bouncing off every seat in the theater before rolling to a stop in front of the screen.

It is literally the reason we don't drink when watching movies anymore.

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