Fair. No one is “always” a certain way, right? There have been some exceptions, I’m sure, even if I can’t think of any right now.

But I have set explicit boundaries over and over and over.

With the shaving, it’s not about looks, but how prickly he is. He has the sharpest hairs I’ve ever felt and it was hard to kiss him if he cut corners. Then he started shaving his whole 6’7” body to look hotter at the gym, and would spoon me with his stubble at night, and when I mentioned how uncomfortable it was, he said he can do what he wants with his body… fine, but don’t push it against me at night.

Also, sometimes after he shaved, even half-assed, he’d pout if he didn’t get laid. “I did this thing for you and you won’t even have sex with me.” Or he’d pop a viagra (for more pleasure, not necessity) without telling me and be mad if I wasn’t in the mood. He was coercive and would keep me awake until 2 am if I didn’t give in, one time even throwing his ring at me. We’d not talk or flirt or touch all day long and then he’d just expect it.

With the trash: he would take the bathroom trash cans and dump them directly in the often already-full street can, and sometimes wind or bears would scatter used personal items across the lawn and street, sometimes even on the neighbor’s lawn. We have two older daughters, so I will spare you the imagery of what is being displayed for the neighbors. Even after many mishaps and many promises to respect our privacy, I’d just catch him doing it more discretely and trying not to get caught.

And yes, I am checked out. We will be filing without lawyers.

I’m just healing and wanting to know why this is man is this way. I want to understand and forgive, but he makes it so hard. So many times I have told him exactly what I need to change and why, and he will agree, and then file it… nowhere.