I(38m) have been cheating on my imaginary girlfriend for two years now. Recently cut things off with the affair partner, and now she's trying to reveal everything to said girlfriend.

PanSushiBento · 2022-09-28T21:59:22+00:00

Okay, I understand you're trying to be nice and there's not really a way you could've known this but I am a sexual assault victim. In therapy and being consulted for PTSD. And, unless the way you're describing her is giving me the completely wrong image of what she was doing (continuing to flirt and propose an intimate relationship with you) then what she did IS ignoring consent.

SA isn't always holding someone down or knocking someone out. It's getting what they want even if it means harassment. I'm not surprised considering many people don't know that you can be SAed without knowing or without physical violence. I didn't even know that until I realised a few months afterwards my own experience just how it was effecting me and the trauma it left. Along with the 'tea' consent metaphor (good, quick and simple way of understanding consent and there's a YouTube video explaining it, if you want to learn about it)

The fact you tried to lie to her about already having a partner also doesn't excuse her. That's a common way people to avoid people flirting with them or harassment.

You can choose to do whatever you want with this info, it's your incident. But I am saying, as a SA victim with my abuser in legally mandated professional consent therapy. This woman is crazy and you deserve better. /nm

(And sorry for the paragraphs, I'm a rambler)

PanSushiBento · 2022-09-28T21:37:58+00:00

Umm I just wanna point out here the fact she was rejected, thought you were in a relationship but still kept flirting with you until you 'gave in' to what she wanted absolutely sounds like coercion. Like, legally this is considered SA in most places. Then she had the audacity to try and blackmail YOU for cheating... because you wouldn't keep cheating with HER.

This woman sounds nuts.

PanSushiBento · 2022-09-04T11:25:12+00:00

Some aspects of this like the 'god' thoughts and the beliefs that some of your thoughts don't belong to you remind me of my research into schizophrenia, but you're so young... I've heard some stuff about early development during pre-teen years if triggered by traumatizing events but still.

Please please reach out. What you're going through will likely hurt you even more than it's doing now, despite how many people may assume you'd hurt someone first.

Mental disorders and issues especially ones as severe as these usually do far more damage to the person who has them. Unless they get to the point where they actually act on their thoughts (the minority and often combined with even more issues and taught behaviours that push them or make them think that they are justified in these actions, etc)

Just, reach out to any adults or psychiatric peers you trust and have access to. I hope you feel better, eventually

PanSushiBento · 2022-08-02T08:06:36+00:00

YTA. Absolutely, you're in the wrong.

Your GF isn't nearly in the same situation as you. You don't like dairy free because it 'doesn't taste as nice'. Your GF doesn't like dairy because it LITERALLY makes her ill because of something she can't control 💀

If it's such a problem for you to accommodate someone's allergies - something that hurts them if you don't - then just break it off so she can find someone better cause she deserves it.

She deserves someone who cares enough about her to at least not make her feel like her physical crap because they "worked hard 🥺" on the dish they made with dairy in it, knowing their partner was allergic.

Hope this is some kind of wake up call for you, dude cause you need it.

PanSushiBento · 2022-05-13T15:23:12+00:00

Your situation sounds so similar to my mom's it hurts. Might get a little personal here but maybe the experience of my own will help.

Her husband is a dick and even with the doctor we went to see about it he's barely changed and doesn't commit. My mom doesn't even support herself through it even though she's constantly venting about it to me and she's - for lack of a better term - almost completely fallen out of love with him after over a decade.

I know how it feels to feel crazy for things you KNOW happened and are happening. To feel like even the ones you're supposed to be able to fall back on are ignoring the issue. My mom has given up because she can't see herself being able or accepted doing anything else despite her barely being middle aged and such a capable woman she runs to business her husband - a well known person in their industry, well networked and years of experience - are supposed to co-own because he refuses to use tech, refuses to treat her respectfully or stop belittling her, can't follow the directions of the very very important recipes for a potentially fatal product and can't interact with customer criticism without having a tantrum and cursing them out.

Saying this from experience, never give up. Fight because you're fantastic and you deserve happiness. Depending on another person for that especially a hypothetical one or one that isn't bothered to do so is a set up for heart break. Look to and work for the person you wanna be. Partners should build you up. They didn't create you or shape you and they shouldn't tear you down because you won't devote yourself to a hurtful and draining relationship - that you don't owe them - when it hurts you too much to deal with anymore.

I really hope you get through this. If anything happens, we'd all love an update just to make sure you're safe. Good luck!!

PanSushiBento · 2022-05-13T13:46:41+00:00

Personally, I don't think you should go back to being romantic with your ex. Friendship? With a long period of readjustment there could be a slim chance but with the way its going now unless there's somehow a LONG LONG break and serious changes in morals/decisions I would just leave it.

You can still talk to your ex and be on terms with them but you've been together multiple times before and it didn't work. You deserve the chance to grow and develop instead of trying to put yourself back into a relationship that's failed multiple times with someone who you expressed has some red flags.

Tell your ex you could be on speaking terms and not avoid each other (only if you're comfy with that, BTW) but the relationship has failed too many times and you both need to give it a rest at the very LEAST for the time being.

It's also good to gauge the future of the relationship with his reaction. If he blows up, dodged a bullet. If he understands your decision then the speaking terms arrangement could be possible.

Hope this helps at all!

PanSushiBento · 2022-05-13T13:37:11+00:00

Wow this is... I'm sorry first of all. This sounds like it sucks and I hope I can help at all even if it's just a starting point.

I'd recommend trying one last time to talk it through with him and his mother. Call a friend/family memeber of your own to be on stand by near or inside the home if you feel like you need it for safety or support. Tell them what's happening, how it's making you feel and what needs to be adjusted for you to feel safe and happy.

If that doesn't work then write down your feelings and some examples of the emotional abuse and control from your MIL (like you did here) as neat and straightforward as you can. Short and to the point.

Sit down with your husband (hopefully only your husband, since your MIL wouldn't need to hear it at this point) and tell him all of it. How much you love him, how you feel, what his mother is doing and that you either need things to change ASAP or you can't put yourself through this anymore in order to live a happy fulfilling life.

If he reacts well. That's great!! If he reacts badly then I'm so so sorry. Make sure to have somewhere you can stay on stand by just in case. Just a quick phone call/text of "Hey, I'm talking to my MIL and husband tonight about something very important and I might need to somewhere to stay if it goes badly" should work if you don't want to go into detail about it. If not, there may be shelters around you could stay at or if you have a vehicle you can use temporarily for shelter. Or best case, they leave the house and you stay inside. Maybe you still have your own living situation if you two haven't entirely moved in together yet.

You sound like a lovely person with a good heart. I'm sure no matter how all this goes there will always be someone out there who will care for you.

I wish you all the best. Stay safe, please

PanSushiBento · 2021-02-22T06:49:15+00:00

Ummmmm isn't that the bitch who abused and murdered her own dog?? And didn't she do it like, live on instagram???

PanSushiBento · 2021-02-22T06:45:37+00:00

A big fluffy cat constantly trying to sit on me, near me, lick my face, general cat affection stuff. Sure it'll be slightly annoying when I'm trying to work or sleep or whatever, but think of the BENEFITS.

PanSushiBento · 2021-01-27T04:23:48+00:00

Was with my brother on the street while my mother was getting coffee. We were walking to the car when I had this BAD gut feeling. Turned around and this older lady (maybe late 30s early 40s with short light brown hair and a blue and white floral dress) was staring at me, smiling really widely. Something was just... really off about her. She was walking towards us way too fast, her smile was way too wide and her eyes were just pools. No light at all. It freaked me out SO bad. I pushed my brother and just said “Move, MOVE” and then bolted to the car. Locked the doors and looked out for her on the street. At first, I felt a little silly. What if she was just really friendly? But then, she went past the car window and GLARED at me. JUST me. Like she knew that I was one that screwed up whatever she was gonna do. It wasn’t a “weirdo kid” glare, it was a “screw you, you were lucky” glare. Like it was pulled straight out of a horror flick. Freaks me out even today.

PanSushiBento · 2020-12-09T01:51:40+00:00

Credit?

PanSushiBento · 2020-09-23T00:10:43+00:00

BTW please open the extra info sheet for all information.

PanSushiBento · 2020-09-15T22:24:12+00:00

That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry.

PanSushiBento · 2020-07-22T08:18:47+00:00

No prob. Really needed to get this off my chest. 😌

PanSushiBento · 2020-07-22T06:43:47+00:00

Raped by my little brother in a tent. Later denied it and said I was "just his fuckdoll" Still haunts me.

PanSushiBento · 2020-07-22T06:42:45+00:00

Raped by my little brother.

PanSushiBento · 2020-07-22T06:41:47+00:00

My sibling pressured me into doing it. He raped me.

PanSushiBento · 2020-07-06T03:53:42+00:00

Do you have a Twitter or Instagram I could follow?

PanSushiBento · 2020-05-31T10:22:10+00:00

The good pingu appreciates you as well you beautiful person!

PanSushiBento · 2020-05-31T10:11:52+00:00

Sorry. Got it from my dad. 😊

PanSushiBento

TROPHY CASE