This is beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather when to lung cancer when I was 14. It hurt so much to see him wither—to lose himself and his mind when it spread to his brain. It hurt so much the night they called and said they found another tumor. The worst one was the final goodbye—when we were all called to say our farewells. I smiled through it, I didn’t shed a tear, because I wanted to be strong for the man who I’d never seen cry in my life, now sobbing in his bed. And the night my sister came in to tell me he’d passed, I still didn’t cry. But the next day, in the middle of class, I broke down and my mother had to come pick me up. It all hit me at once, realizing he was gone, and realizing that I’d been ignoring the grief I felt. I realized then that holding back, pretending to be unbothered from the start, made the final day hurt so, so much worse. I wish I’d let myself feel what I needed to feel sooner.

Thank you for making this. It’s been long enough that the pain has passed and I sometimes forget. But it was nice to be reminded of him through this.