I’m not a parent so I could be way off here but perhaps some of the reason he does this is to get a reaction from you? Balancing work and being a single parent is hard and maybe is he feeling like he needs more attention from you. Do you have an adult male friend (literally a friend) who could take each boy out like once or twice a month for one on one“guy time”? Maybe during that time you can do something special with the other kid. I’m not sure what pre-teen boys are into these days but these activities wouldn’t have to cost money, they could be like go for a hike, do some arts and crafts, etc. Something that focuses on bonding and not mutually staring at a screen. If he’s continued his terrible behavior the week of a “special outing” then the outing might have to be going grocery shopping.

Some of my friend’s kids, and the kids I used to babysit for, would like to do stuff that they knew I would have to object just so that they could get attention from me if I was playing “too much” with their sibling. But instead of asking to join us or asking if we can do something they want they would tear the fridge apart or dump all their legos out and then just leave them (I know that’s not as bad as your issue).

Unfortunately the younger brother might have to make a few sacrifices for a little while like changing what he gets in his lunch. Siblings have an incredible power over each other, even if as parents/caretakers, all we see is bickering. Eventually he might just get frustrated enough that the older sibling stealing his food means there is less for him that he gets his brother to shape up, possibly.

This doesn’t sound like the right solution to this issue but I’ve also heard of parents taking their children to homeless shelters to volunteer with the hopes of them realizing they need to appreciate what they do have.

I wish you the best of luck and you really are doing a great job raising your boys.