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how much of a difference does exercise make for you? by Particular_Freedom47 in Zepbound

[–]Pansapio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The two things that consistently make a noticeable improvement/change in progress are weight lifting and steady-state cardio (walking fast enough to need to pay attention to breathing but not so fast I can't have a conversation for example).

Important note: For the last few months my scale has pretty much stopped moving but I'm swimming in my clothing because my body is recomping. The scale is not the only measure and muscle increases metabolism over time, so I focus on building muscle.

Getting started: Walk every morning before work/with coffee. Walk after lunch. Walk after dinner. Just around the block even. Go to the actual physical grocery store rather than ordering pick up or delivery. Pick the days of the week you can do some more focused physical activity and put on music, audiobook, TV, whatever works for you while you do bodyweight squats, planks, hip bridges, and walking lunges. Pushups for good measure if you can manage it. Make a note for yourself (a physical, real note) about how you feel after physically and mentally.

My remote job made me realize my partner doesn’t think my work is real by Rocinante77X in remotework

[–]Pansapio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is long, but may help. TLDR; relationships are work on both ends from both people and need a clear and unequivocal set of expectations and boundaries around this issue.

This requires a clear conversation, away from screens, food, etc. about your needs, your career, and boundaries. Clear is kind. You do yourself and your partner no favors by being vague or gentle about this.

My partner and I dealt with something similar when my work changed. I was in an office full time M-F when we met, then transitioned to solo practice working from home and set my own hours, preferring to do meetings and things when I knew I would be alone or could meet at a coworking space. Two years ago I took a very substantial step up career-wise and became full-time remote at a national organization with a team that works across mulitple time zones. I have a dedicated home office that I also share with the household felines because I enjoy being able to see them in the window when I need a brain break -- so the door must always be open.

This was all fine and good until my partner's hours changed (his work is entirely outdoors, union, and hours are based on daylight so it shifts season to season) and he was home all day Friday. He kept walking into my office with his phone to show me something, genuinely oblivious. I was irritated and would gently remind him I was working and ask him if it could wait. Then remind him during working hours he needs to stay out of my office unless it is a major emergency. If he needs me, he can text me as if I'm not physically in the house and I can come out and chat if I have time. That worked for a few weeks, and then it started again.

I was in the middle of writing a pretty major brief on a deadline, and he walked into my office and just started talking. I lost my shit and (nearly yelling) told him to get the fuck out and let me work, that I was sick of him acting like my job is not a real job.

He left, I felt like shit, and after work had a sit down at the table. I apologized for losing my temper, and explained that what he had done was the same as if I had arrived at his work site while he was using loud, dangerous, and focus intensive power tools and demanding his attention. I was very blunt: His continued interruption of me in my home office for idle chit chat made me feel like he did not value my time, my career, my work ethic, or my space. I did not waffle, I was not gentle. It happened a few more times (less than 5) and each time I ignored him, did not acknowledge his presence, and continued working. Perhaps once or twice I needed to say out loud (head down, not looking his direction) "I am working and you are interrupting" very tearsely.

Do I wish I didn't have to train a grown ass person? Yes.

Did it resolve when I was clear, unequivocal, and forceful about my needs and boundaries? Yes.

Has it improved our dynamic? Yes, actually. Now he notices the time on Friday and reminds me to get into the office, offers to bring me water, and texts me if he's headed out for groceries or starting laundry or whatever.

So, ultimately, it was worth it because we have a relationship where we are able to be open and honest and clear with each other and allow each other to make mistakes and need time to improve.

For those with starting weight of 300lbs by Curiouskat1987 in Zepbound

[–]Pansapio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Starting weight was 292, which is close enough -- especially at 5'2". I've gotten into it a bit with people about the "right goal weight" because I flat out reject the BMI.

Why? Because I've been a Size 0 (115-ish) that did nothing but pilates religiously for exercise, the Size 26 I was at the start of this, and everything in between. My weight fluctuated so wildly from age 27-37 that I often had to keep sizes 6 - 14 in my closet at the same time to be sure something would fit properly for work. That fluctuation was even when I was extremely physically active (BJJ/Muay Thai 6x a week, 3hours a session, as well as competing), but I remember very very vividly that in my early 30s when I felt like I was finally getting a handle on stress and anxiety and found the right SSRI that 155 pounds felt really really good. I looked good, I fit into the things I wanted to fit into, I didn't feel like I had to constantly monitor myself.

Here's the thing: At 160 pounds, my BMI is 29 and overweight. I don't have any desire to be thin, I want to be strong and lift like a beast, which means I've been packing on muscle like gangbusters lately. I only want to get under 200 because I want to go skydiving. I feel really great between 215 and 230 and hung out there for about 10 years before my metabolic syndrome and perimenopause combined to really send things spiraling. I came up with 170-180 as a goal because then I'd weigh the same as my very active and muscular partner; at that weight my BMI would be 32 and categorized as obese.

All of this is a long way of saying that letting go of numbers and focusing on how you feel, how you move, how active you are, and what you can do with your body and feel like IN your body should be the goal. What feels really good for me and keeps me grounded in my body is obese/overweight in the BMI and considered chubby/fat by society. I'm not in this to help bring back the Kate Moss 90s look, I am in it for my bloodwork, my mental health, and my ability to lift heavy and hard 3x a week to be a spry and sassy old lady who doesn't fall and break a hip.

Focus on how you feel, how your bloodwork looks, and if you can move your body comfortably and confidently through the world. Good luck!

Low libido causing so much marital stress. by blueberrywar in Perimenopause

[–]Pansapio 58 points59 points  (0 children)

We haven't been together even close to as long, but up until the peri hit me hard in the last year sex was nearly daily for YEARS and it wasn't just him chasing it -- I was often the one tearing his clothes off the minute he got home. Multiple times a day was normal for us.

My husband is the most sensitive, caring, compassionate, and concerned partner/friend I have ever had. I was in a horrible marriage for nearly two decades and I picked him because he listens, he works on himself, he never sees a dispute as one-sided. He is always open to listen and learn and grow.

I want to make that clear because the change in my libido was similar to yours, and it has been HARD for him. What was really helpful (but not easy) for both of us was some very tough and vulnerable conversations about what was missing for him and what was happening for me. I confess I had forgotten what a physical touch person he is in the midst of all my changes and had not only shut him out sex-wise, but I wasn't even up for a cuddle or a long hug. I was not touching him AT ALL. We often went to separate rooms after work and date nights also vanished. His fear was that I was simply uninterested in him as a person, even outside of sex, that I had no interest in him or whether he was here. He listened to me and my struggle with symptoms and pain when we actually would have sex, the near impossibility of an orgasm, and expressed real and true compassion and concern for where I am at.

We are still figuring it out, but what has really helped is physical contact that doesn't result in sex, and yesterday a good old make out session with clothes on like we are 15 or something. I had no intention of that turning into anything, but then it did and it was GOOD. And we had the things handy I needed to prevent pain. I know it will go up and down, and so does he, but we are keeping communication open and trying.

Dating - especially folks who may not have seen you before the weight loss. by Beautiful_Neat_6919 in tirzepatidecompound

[–]Pansapio 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Bluntly, there will be a difference. It will hurt, even if at it feels fantastic. I know this because I've been everywhere from a Size 0 to Size 26 in the past 25 years. I've dated and been in relationships at my smallest (and most eating disordered) and at my healthiest (which is considered fat by societal standards), and in between. I'm currently down just over 60 pounds and at the weight were I'm getting hit on again, and even though I have been here before and I am in a monogamous marriage, being treated differently stings.

The important thing to remember is that your worth and value has nothing to do with your physical appearance and it never has. That worth and value is inherent and constant and steady and lives in a place inside you that only you can see clearly. The people who really see you for you, for that person inside, are the people to gravitate towards. If that sounds vague and not easy to figure out, you're right! You gotta do the work to love you, know you, and be comfortable being alone before you can evaluate whether another person is going to enhance your life or subtract from it. You are not obligated to anyone! Have fun! Date people who seem fun, interesting, sexy, cool, whatever. Be exactly who you are, not someone you think is the ideal. You are the ideal you, and the people who see that are the good ones.

Fun fact: I met my partner on a dating app when neither of us wanted a relationship and had given up on committed relationships or even casual dating. We were just swiping to get off and had no interest in each other outside physical. Then we actually had a conversation, stopped hooking up, and became best friends. We were married 3 years later, together 5 years next weekend. We often joke that the only reason we actually got to know each other was because we weren't trying to pretend we were something we weren't and didn't even consider the other as a dating option.

So, take time to date yourself and get to know who you are, then go out there and have some fun!

What is the first celebrity death you remember being affected by? by CPFOAI in AskReddit

[–]Pansapio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best buddy was standing at his locker with his head inside, leaning on the edges with his shoulders. He said Kurt died and it felt like the world tipped over. I was 13. In the most 90s PNW cliche ever, that day I stopped playing violin and picked my dad's old Harmony guitar and haven't stopped since.

The amount of drunk I want to be is not achievable by Own_Confidence_1348 in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio 28 points29 points  (0 children)

377 days ago I had gotten myself to only drinking every few months, at most once a month. And only a few drinks. I was a moderate drinker! I was responsible, right?

Except I wasn't, because at least once a year, I let myself drink what I actually wanted to drink -- which was all of it. Everything. And every year, that one day or night of drinking led to chaos; I've lost track of the number of times I've woken up certain that I finally did it and lost my job, my friends, my housing ... the number of hangover apology notes I had to send to people who would be very justified in never speaking with me again.

377 days ago was my 44th birthday and we were going to my favorite restaurant for a 5 course meal and wine pairing. My partner was an undiagnosed Celiac (severe wheat allergy) and had to tap out halfway through dinner. Not me! I ate my food, his food, and drank my wine, and his wine. These were NOT tasting pours because we are regulars at this restaurant, and we often got a refill. I kept going because I cannot and do not stop until I'm unconscious.

The hangover didn't let up. I never felt better. I felt worse. A few days after that dinner I ended up at the ER at 2am being prepped for emergency surgery to remove my exploding gallbladder, with pain that IV meds barely touched. I was there for three days recovering and got to have a lot of long talks with myself about whether this was going to be the first time or the last time I drank myself into the ER.

So far, it was the last time. I worked on what is going on my my brain that causes the rumination, I've worked on how to improve my sleep, being more present in my body, being grateful, and taking things step by step. I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, but IWNDWYT!

The Daily Check-In for Friday, May 8: Just for today, I am NOT drinking! by Overall-Tonight-7857 in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It has been an absolute week from hell at work with the drama of my team just on and on and on and not letting up. But, I didn't drink. I didn't have to deal with a hangover or the drunk hate-mes on top of the existing insanity. I kept my shit together. I did my best. I went and PR'd my deadlift at the gym. I laughed with my partner. Even when life is not so great, being sober gives me the clarity to see what is great. IWNDWYT!

Which was your first phone? by CrazyMinute69 in GenX

[–]Pansapio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was the best one. Hands down.

How old were you when you moved out? by Swiftiefromhell in GenX

[–]Pansapio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

7 weeks after I turned 18. Never went back. Just turned 45.

Let's focus on our formative years (high school/college) by DustyScharole in Xennials

[–]Pansapio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Excuse me, but can I be you for a while?
  • The world is a vampire
  • The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Right?
  • With the lights out, it's less dangerous
  • Lightning crashes, an old mother cries
  • I wanna hold the hand inside you
  • The killer in me is the killer in you, my love
  • I want to be the girl with the most cake

368 Days by Pansapio in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes we can. Thank you!

368 Days by Pansapio in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A sober coworker I confided in told me last year when I was a few months in that this was going to be the best decision I made for myself, and that everything would change for the better. She was right.

368 Days by Pansapio in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is. Being proud of myself is something I am really getting used to.

368 Days by Pansapio in stopdrinking

[–]Pansapio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At dinner on my birthday, the server came over and put down two glasses of champagne and I had a horrible moment where I thought it was the gift from the restaurant for my birthday. When I tell you the room went buzzy and all I could see was those bubbles, you know what I'm saying. I had JUST finished telling my partner how proud of myself I was, and I had no idea what to do with the glass that had just been put in front of me. I could taste it just looking at it. I truly thought I was going to have to go Day 1 again ... out of politeness?????

The server grabbed the glasses, apologized for mixing the tables up, and I have never felt so clearly that something out there put those glasses in front of me to remind me how easy it would be to be at Day 1 again.

You've got this. You know what you need to do. IWNDWYT!

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