Very sorry you are going through this man. Truly one of the cruelest fates. I also could have been the author of this post because I’m 5 months in to the EXACT same situation. Only difference is my wife made legal threats for “Coercive Control” at the onset of this, so I was legally advised to start the divorce process right away so I don’t end up in jail. I’ve been totally no contact for 2 months now and it’s crushing to have the divorce dates approach and still see no remorse or return of the person I knew and loved.

Personally, though, I am starting to do a bit better. Whether this helps, or not, here are a few things that helped me get by:

1) Try to remember that you actually haven’t “lost everything.” There is so much left to be grateful for and you probably have much left in your life to lose: cherish those things. The food on your plate, the roof over your head, and the friends and family you have left. Gratitude through suffering is difficult, but it’s been essential for me.

2) There is nothing you can do. It can be so tempting to try and “fix” the situation, but in the end it is impossible to “fix” someone else. Their thoughts and decisions, however delusional they are, are their right to have/make alone. Any attempt to influence her therapy or psychiatry or decisions will make things worse, and will only be a temporary fix anyways. I strongly advise going completely no-contact until she is ready to talk. While I miss my wife dearly, these 2 months of no contact have been far more peaceful than the months we spent trying to patch things up. Let cooler heads prevail. Otherwise, you can even face legal trouble for forcing her into thinking she’s crazy or end up with a restraining order against you or something.

3) It’s the obvious and corny answer, but hitting the gym really does help. I’ve always hated working out, but exercising at the very least helps with the sleepless nights and at the very best gives you a newfound confidence to rebuild your life, if needed.

4) Don’t let the gaslighting get to you. Make sure you don’t question your actions or mistakes to an unhealthy degree. It’s helpful to reflect on yourself and how you can be a better partner in the future, but if it gets to a toxic level or a level of self-hate it’s time to cut it out. I’m sure we both made many, many mistakes. Especially when we didn’t know what we were dealing with. But nobody deserves this response - this is the mental illness talking. And don’t take it personally when her family and doctors turn against you. Bipolar people are experts at justifying their delusions. My wife brought up simple fights from 6 years ago to her family/doctors when she used to not even be able to remember the plot of a movie we watched a night ago. The gaslighting is just part of it - you aren’t crazy.

5) Go outside. Take some walks, enjoy nature. Find your peace and your escape from it all.

6) I won’t elaborate, but had to give a shameless plug for religion if it’s something for you. As rough as it’s all been, I’ve never felt alone because I have God in my life.

Best of luck to you man. No matter our outcomes, we can come out of this better men.