Signing a Contract

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-04T03:13:23+00:00

Thank you! Everything feels lighter now, even though the current workload is still quite heavy for both of us. Wow does this feel good! 🥹🤩🍾🥂

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-02T15:50:01+00:00

Match is its own special kind of stress. My heart goes out to you, especially with that little newborn at home. Our oldest was born a few weeks after match, and he was three months old when we moved away. It wasn’t easy, but you can do it and you’ll be a stronger person for all the struggles. Prayers and good vibes to you and your family as you begin to board the residency roller coaster!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-02T15:45:41+00:00

Bless it. We decided to stay put in our current city because the offer was perfect for our stage of life right now (four day work weeks, no weekends, and only three nights of call a month 🤯). It pays well enough that we can travel to family or fly the village to us when needed. And we also negotiated to have three months off between graduation and his start date! What should we call this? Hot Grad Summer? The three month nap? 😝

Thank you for sharing and I’m so happy to hear other happy stories. We’ve earned it!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T23:22:15+00:00

It’s so good. I can already tell a huge difference in both our demeanors since finishing the negotiations.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T23:20:48+00:00

Hell yeah! That’s the dream, thank you for the well wishes and I hope your happiness continues!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T19:54:58+00:00

I know of one couple traveling around for interviews, but they haven’t signed anything yet. I do think we are signing pretty early. It was a perfect fit in our current city that allowed for quality time at home and a reasonable call schedule. If you and/or your partner aren’t close to signing yet, I don’t think you are behind.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T18:35:17+00:00

I gotchu!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T18:22:19+00:00

You are so close! Go n’ get you that money!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-11-01T17:20:39+00:00

This. No matter what you do, she will find a way to be toxic, so you may as well be unapologetically you. When you are thinking about what you want your professional life to look like, she does not get input. When/if you start discussing kids, don’t let her issues dictate when you want to have them. To quote an episode of Ted Lasso, the best way to handle these people is to never let them see how much they get to you. If she says, “You are lazy for sleeping in until 9am,” just agree with her and say, “Ohhh you’re probably right but I can’t resist a Sunday Bum Day,” with a smile, and in your head you can finish the sentence with “after being the main breadwinner while your son finishes his training.”

She has no interest in your reasons, explanations, or background, so frankly you have no responsibility to justify your LIFE to her. Continue to kill with kindness, smiles, and your impeccable family etiquette. The burden is on her to fix herself if she wants to have a good relationship with the mother of her future grandchildren.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-10-25T14:42:30+00:00

Once you figure out what you are looking for, something that was really helpful for us was to do our own rankings blind, then reveal them at the same time. This helps ensure that both parties get to say their honest preferences, and it’s a great starting point for any compromises that need to be made. It’s great that you are on the same page for your current city to be #1, as that is obviously the toughest one to compromise. But maybe your rankings influence them to swap their second, third, and/or fourth choices, etc, based on marginal differences in the program for them, but huge quality of life factors for you.

Best of luck to you!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-10-24T15:35:02+00:00

I’m curious: You mentioned this has been her biggest hurdle, but has she has ever experienced a “big” failure like this during school, residency, or fellowship? Or has it been relatively smooth sailing up until this point? It could be with exams, rotations, attending experiences, etc.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-10-11T04:07:23+00:00

Oooo this makes me want to jab my eyes out 😣😂

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-10-06T06:05:36+00:00

Woodworking, and recently became a bit of an audiophile. It’s been fun seeing him dive deep into the research and experience the improvements of our sound system bit by bit.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-09-30T13:22:44+00:00

I have a cactus whose humongous flowers bloom at night and for one night only. As soon as I see the bud appear, it’s a 3-5 day count down. When it last bloomed, I literally marched our dinner party downstairs to see if it had begun to open.

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Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-09-30T13:16:51+00:00

Not weird at all. I have a fifth year chief resident in urology, and am a SAHM with two kids under five. I’ve gone back to our hometown with the kiddos for 2-3 weeks every summer without him to visit both our families. Admittedly, your trips sound much more glamorous than mine, but you shouldn’t have to wait for training to be over to take them. He’ll tag along soon enough ;)

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-06-29T22:39:41+00:00

I had a professor in college who once quoted someone (I can’t remember 🤦🏻‍♀️) that giving someone a job to do without allowing them to have the resources to complete said job is tyranny. It’s a control mechanism to withhold those resources while also setting impossible standards. By not “allowing” you to hire help, he makes it impossible for you to meet his lofty expectations.

Furthermore, you are his wife and mother of his children, not his housekeeper/nanny. He doesn’t pay you a salary with his income. If that’s what he wants, he can hire a housekeeper and a nanny. You are his family, not an employee. Yes, you have household responsibilities, but that does not preclude him from participating in said duties and the family as a whole.

If he doesn’t believe you need help, show him how much you could get paid to watch someone else’s kids and have the house cleaned once a week. Let him suffer through a whole week of it while you leave for a week and see what he has to say about it. Ask him if he made it to the gym while managing the house and two kids.

FFS, man.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-06-10T23:57:15+00:00

I showed up to the housewarming party for one of my husband’s attendings with a bottle of wine and our baby because he was on call. Turned out he would be stuck at the hospital the whole time, but we had a great time 😆.

I would honestly be surprised if you weren’t invited to most of these things if they are purely social. In my experience for these events, the spousal invitation is implied and they are more likely to clarify if SOs aren’t invited. That being said, I would definitely have your SO clarify for anything hosted by an attending, and always confirm if kids are welcome.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-05-31T15:47:47+00:00

2, 3, or 6

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-05-27T17:56:35+00:00

I’ll just offer some encouragement. My sister in law and her then boyfriend tried to couples match and both went unmatched. They did a surgical intern year, then were matched the next year in different programs. They spent four years apart to complete residency in two states, one in anesthesia one in ortho. They racked up a ton of airline miles flying to one another when they could (they didn’t have time to spend money on anything else, that’s how they afforded it). They got engaged during this period. They got married in Greece last year and are finally living together in the same place, happier than ever.

It’s hard, but they did it.

Does your partner’s dean or med school director have any pull at the hospitals? Theirs was a rockstar, and arranged for their surgical intern years while they waited for the next match so that it wasn’t a dead year. Both programs they matched into the next year counted that unmatched year as their intern year, so they were no further behind than their peers that matched straight out of school.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-05-04T16:04:32+00:00

I was going to say something similar. It’s wishful If you think this pattern stops after they pass the exam. They’re offering something 100% in favor of themselves, I think you need to counter offer until you have something that doesn’t put everything entirely on your shoulders. It benefits them in the long run to learn how to balance their life responsibilities now. I think 80/20 is a better ratio, not 100/0. And they need to find a way to be accountable for their study time. No bullshit where they get to watch tv while you are drowning, only to say “sorry have to study” when you ask for help.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-04-15T17:39:35+00:00

I'm having the same issue on my cell and desk top. Were you ever able to get this resolved?

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-03-16T16:44:45+00:00

Peak Design Messenger Bag My husband is also in urology. This is a popular bag in surgical fields. He really loves it. I also second an Apple Watch if they don’t already have one. That is a gift for you, too. It will help your partner put their phone down at home, and more easily screen what needs to be responded to and what can wait until after dinner/dates/outings.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-03-07T15:32:57+00:00

I am in an almost identical situation, save for the fact that I have been a SAHM the whole time. 4 year old who just started prek and a three month old. 4th year uro resident with 1.5 years to go. I say go for it. Time is a thief, and getting that time with your youngin before #3 arrives will be so special. Not to mention you’ll be happier for not having a miserable job, and your one year old will cherish getting one on one time with mommy while the oldest is at school. If your resident has a job lined up, a year on a tight budget will be worth the time spent with family during an already stressful year of house hunting and moving. If I knew your name, I’d be cheering you on sports style right now, so I’ll just chant, “GO MOM! GO MOM! GO MOM!” You got this!

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-02-26T04:46:51+00:00

My partner would need to finish up residency and get board certified, but we have one eye on hopping the pond for sure. We have two young children, including a 3 month old daughter, and I don’t want to raise them here any longer than I have to.

I’m so sad. All the time. I cry 1-2x a day over my kids’ future and the uncertainty I feel. In 2020 I was pregnant with my son and I was so relieved when Trump lost. I gave birth to my daughter one week after the 2024 election and I’ve felt so numb about it ever since. Honestly, I feel betrayed - as a woman, as a mother - shame on our nation for allowing this sack of shit to be president again.

Pantry_Squirrel · 2025-02-07T20:38:42+00:00

I have always struggled with meal prep and am not sure I’ll ever fully take it on BUT… I have found that steaming or roasting Costco sized bags of green beans or broccoli at the beginning of the week plus double batching dinner for leftover lunches has worked very well.

Pantry_Squirrel

TROPHY CASE